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To have been MORTIFIED for DSD this morning and to be quite angry with DP over it??

(143 Posts)
SisterOfRome Mon 05-Sep-11 10:59:52

So first day back at school. DSD (13) gets ready and leaves the house wearing just the school polo shirt (as do all the kids at this school). The bus stop is literally across the road from the house so she walks over and stands with her friends. Also standing there is a big group of lads from the school and a few non-school passengers waiting for the bus.

It's a little chilly but not freezing - then it starts to spit with rain. In true "cool teen fasion" none of the kids at the bus stop put on their jumpers or rain coats.

Well, DP goes over to the window, mentions that she has no coat on, opens the front door and SHOUTS:

"DSD!! DSD!!"

EVERYONE looks towards the house. DSD's face goes white.


She shakes her head and I could have just died for her.


The group of lads fall about laughing. DSD looks like she's about the burst into tears. Her friends are looking gobsmacked. Again she shakes her head.


I'm cringing. DSD's friends are cringing, the lads are in hysterics. DSD looks like her entire world is over. She reaches into her bag and puts on her coat. Her friends exchange glances and are trying very hard (and failing) not to laugh. DSD has tears in her eyes. Once her coat is on, DP slams the door.

I can't believe he did it. I know its HIS dd and none of my business but I actually thought that bordered on abuse.


cherryburton Mon 05-Sep-11 11:01:09

YANBU. That's bloody awful. Poor girl!

Catslikehats Mon 05-Sep-11 11:02:49

YANBU - did you not tell him to shut up?

fanjobanjowanjo Mon 05-Sep-11 11:02:55

It's doesn't border on abuse thats ridiculous. It's embarrassing and he shouldn't have gone about it that way I agree.

Maybe have a quiet word with him.

2littlegreenmonkeys Mon 05-Sep-11 11:03:24

Oh your poor DSD sad I would have been mortified at her age if my parents had done that to me.

I don't think it borders abuse though just an over reaction on your DP's part. Could you maybe have a chat to him and let him know that he over reacted and really embarrassed his DD (would that work with your DP?)

slavetofilofax Mon 05-Sep-11 11:03:27


picnicbasketcase Mon 05-Sep-11 11:03:34

The poor wee thing, how embarrassing for her. I would be very cross with him too.

slartybartfast Mon 05-Sep-11 11:03:41

i hope you told him how embarrassed he made her and you angry
i would have sent a text in his position. can you suggest in future he sends a text.
how horrible her for

fatfingers Mon 05-Sep-11 11:03:52

Bordering on abuse?! I think that is an over reaction tbh. He was certainly being an embarrassing dad but it's not the end of the world.

LovelyCuppa Mon 05-Sep-11 11:03:57

Not very kind but hardly abuse. Unless it's yet another example of deliberately belittling behaviour but you've not mentioned anything to suggest that.

scrambedeggs Mon 05-Sep-11 11:04:29

lol, how many of us havent been embarrassed by our parents at some point

its just a rite of growing up

Fatshionista Mon 05-Sep-11 11:04:53

YANBU, he shouldn't have done that. That's horrible.

YABU to think it borders on abuse.

ruddynorah Mon 05-Sep-11 11:05:00

What and you just watched this happen? hmm

scrambedeggs Mon 05-Sep-11 11:05:05

DSD has tears in her eyes.

how could you tell from across the road #goodeyesight smile

MadameCastafiore Mon 05-Sep-11 11:06:51

Bordering on abuse - maybe come and meet the kids I speak to on a daily basis - they would have wished their father shouting at them to put their coat on was all they had had to go through!

He cares about her though - it's raining and he doesn't want her to get wet - I would have been more cross with her not doing as she was told the first time - if she had of done he wouldn't have escalated it and kept on shouting.

MeconiumHappens Mon 05-Sep-11 11:08:11

Oh come on, its embarassing, but 'bordering on abuse', ffs lets not be over dramatic. Dads are embarassing yes, but she will survive. Tell him not to be a dick next time.

startail Mon 05-Sep-11 11:09:53

UANBU very unkind of him.
The not wearing coats thing drives me nuts, but they just don't!
DD1 lost her fleece between late Feb and May when it suddenly reappeared. She bothered with her decent coat on about six freezing days during that time.
They have thick jumpers and nowhere to put coats, so they are mostly just a pain, but having lived in the freezing Welsh hills its stillhmm

zukiecat Mon 05-Sep-11 11:10:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Mon 05-Sep-11 11:11:47

I don't think it's abuse or anywhere close and I think that calling every bad decision or embarrassing action or overreaction 'abuse' is not right. It's very important to differentiate between abuse and poor decisions/daft things/doing the wrong thing.

He embarrassed her. She'll get over it. We were all embarrassed by our parents and in turn, we all embarrass our kids. (and we embarrassed our parents and in turn, our childen will say things at times that make us want to disappear into a huge hole!) None of this is 'abuse' or even bordering on it.

I think you should talk to him about it. I don't understand parents who force their children to wear a coat. It's stupid. they have a coat, if they choose not to put it on, that's their problem. They're the ones who'll be cold!

And you know damn well that if you make them, then as soon as they are out of sight, it'll come straight off again - so what's the point? Cos you know that's what she'll have done, don't you? grin whipped it right off again.

Oh, and people who think their children always wear their coats - HA! I used to see a girl when I was doing the school run. She would leave her house wearing her coat, turn the corner and take the thing straight off. Come rain or shine. I'm sure her parents thought she wore her coat to school too grin

BeerTricksPotter Mon 05-Sep-11 11:16:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zukiecat Mon 05-Sep-11 11:18:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeddyBare Mon 05-Sep-11 11:19:29

YANBU it sounds like bullying to me. I don't think it's ok to intentionally humiliate anyone, especially your own dc.

I don't understand the teenage thing about not wearing coats or jumpers, but it is none of your dp's business whether or not dsd is cold (unless she is somehow ruining her uniform by tucking her arms in or something).

kelly2000 Mon 05-Sep-11 11:20:06

he was horrible, but not exactly Fred West. He was being an idiot and made himself look a bit of an arse. And did he really think she kept the coat on. The result will be that for all his yelling, he got her to wear the coat for ten minutes, and then will get a sulking upset teenage girl back at the end of the day. maybe have a word with him, about how teenage girls work - besides he is going to get a shock in a few years time when she starts going to clubs etc. I have yet to see a woman going out in Britain wearing a coat if she is under forty, even in the snow!

I suggest to make her realise that it could be worse she looks at this story (but you may wish to avoid giving DH ideas)

dickiedavisthunderthighs Mon 05-Sep-11 11:20:51

A bit embarrassing granted, but a father asking his daughter to put her coat on is really quite the opposite of abuse.
Grip up OP.

slartybartfast Mon 05-Sep-11 11:23:03

i bet she has forgotten about it when she gets home, and , i dont think it was abuse or bullying.

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