Have been up for a few hours thinking about this, could do with some thoughts....
A bit of background... my dad (iranian) got with my mum (very much a yorkshire lass). Married, had me. Dad left my mum when I was 1ish, moved abroad. Remarried when I was 7, moved to ireland. I saw him about once a year, if not less. Had on/off relationship with my new stepmother. Seperated pretty firmly when I went to stay with him when I was 13 and he flipped out how I wasn't 'perfect' enough, called me a lot of awful names, disowned me. Step mother killed herself earlier this year - he used her death to get as much sympathy from people as possible - absolutely disgusting, when he was the reason for her misery (she would email me when he was being horrible to her for support, we got on really well).
He is a horrible man. Evil. He had absolutely nothing to do with my upbringing. He has said really really awful things about my mum when I was a young child, and too innocent to realise that it simply wasn't right for a father to say those things about a childs mother. He has been absent my whole life, except he came to my graduation, and was going on how proud he was, told all his friends and showed all the pictures to them. Until I got pregnant unmarried nd he voiced his disgust again. I'm not 35 weeks and have only heard from him once - when he text me to say he had flew into the UK and would be coming to my house in 2 hours time. I replied to say I wasn't in, we were on holiday visiting my mum in Yorkshire (we were), and got no reply.
I visited him when my stepmum died in January, he was his usual bitter, nasty twisted self.
He is, simply, exceptionally proud. He wants to have a perfect iranian daughter to show off to his friends, with zero input. He hasn't even known me my whole life, let alone supported me - never paid a penny CSA etc. If anyone has watched east is east - he's like the dad in that, except without the niceness.
I really, really don't want my son exposed to him. I don't want my son damaged by him, the same way he damaged me. My auntie thinks IAB comp0letely U. DP says I need to do whats best for me, but not to make life hard, allow him to see child, but not left on own. TBH I want to get my own back, show him that he has ruined it for himself, our relationship is beyond repair because of HIM and that he will never see his grandchild.
He knows there's a danger the child might have heart problems, that I've been having scans all the way through the pregnancy to keep check of the babys development, but I've not heard from him at all. I just don't want the baby to be born, and him to expect to turn up and show off 'his' grandchild.
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AIBU?
or am I using my child as a weapon?
17 replies
Scheherezade · 05/09/2011 02:01
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