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..re DW throwing water in 6 y-o DD's face?

(104 Posts)
Toadinthehole Sun 04-Sep-11 19:53:54

Background: DW had spent a while getting DD to tidy up her things. DD was doing this as slowly as possibly, occasionally sitting down to grizzle (this is quite a common tactic).

Tea time was fine.

Bath time - DD made a big mess, and once again wouldn't clean up, and once again employed the grizzling tactics (I was doing the dishes at this point). DW lost her temper and yelled at DD. DD yelled back. I heard this and came through to see what was happening. I saw DW take a cup of water and throw its contents into DD's face and eyes.

I stepped in said that I didn't like that and DW wasn't to do it.

DW sees nothing wrong in her actions, and was having a good laugh about it with MIL later on, but is angry at me for undermining her authority.

Questions:
1. Could DW have been reasonable in throwing the water?
2. Was my response appropriate?

Alambil Sun 04-Sep-11 19:56:58

I think you were reasonable - and no, throwing water at a child is not reasonable. If she was about to snap, she should have walked away, asking you to deal with DD's behaviour.

onemoreminute Sun 04-Sep-11 19:57:34

No it wasn't ok for your wife throw anything at your dd.

Have you spoke about it since ?

Has she done anything like this before ?

whackamole Sun 04-Sep-11 19:59:35

I do not think she was reasonable. I think sometimes people get really het up and do things they probably regret later, but laughing it off with her mother is inexcusable. Your daughter is 6. Her behaviour sounds totally normal (and irritating I agree) your wife's sounds really unreasonable, and LewisFan in right, she should have walked away.

wrinklyraisin Sun 04-Sep-11 20:00:12

Its completely unreasonable to throw a cup of water in her childs face, and atually quite worrying tht she thought it was funny and laughed about it later! Deliberately doing something like that is not on, I could understand if she lost it for a second and was mortified/upset after, but the fact she thinks it's funny (and therefore ok) is wrong.

onepieceofcremeegg Sun 04-Sep-11 20:01:21

It's not ok. Her behaviour afterwards makes it worse though.

If she had immediately apologised to your dd, and comforted/reassured her then I would have marginally more sympathy. But laughing about it later is quite cold hearted and cruel.

Does she (dw) have issues with anger management?

PhilipJFry Sun 04-Sep-11 20:01:30

I fail to see what kind of "authority" she was displaying by throwing water in your daughter's face. Or if it is authority, I'm not sure it's the kind I like- a mean display of power.

onemoreminute Sun 04-Sep-11 20:01:49

Im really angry an adult would laugh about doing this to a child.

fuckthisforalarf Sun 04-Sep-11 20:02:01

No YANBU
I have snapped and donw stuff in front of my DC of which I am not proud (kicking door, throwing stuff.....not at them). In my defence I was and am not at all proud of it, and was under immense stress at the time.
But I profusely apologised to them afterwards, explained it was me not them, and told them it was not acceptable at all. I have taken major steps to make sure it doesnt happen again.
I certainly would not laugh about it after and am so ashamed have only spoken to my sister about it.
If she cant see how bad this is, that is a huge problem.

HowlingBitch Sun 04-Sep-11 20:04:14

I don't think I could throw a cup of water in anyones face, Let alone my own childs.

What age is DD?

Bogeyface Sun 04-Sep-11 20:04:24

Hmm...it could have been seen as an unreasonable response to her being reasonably stressed IF she had felt bad about it afterwards. The fact that she was laughing about it with her mum makes it VU. I once lost it big style at DD buggering about with her dinner so I picked it up and threw it at the wall. The kids were terrified, I was in tears, there was food and broken plate everywhere, it was awful. I feel that my stress was perfectly reasonable (v long and v bad day from DD and the dinner was the final straw) but the way I dealt with it most definitely was not reasonable at all. I cleared up, gave her a fresh meal and apologised to them all for what I had done.

I would be angry too but rather than kicking off a row about it, why dont you ask her why she thought it was an ok thing to do? Perhaps she was treated like that by her own mother (hence laughing about it) and thinks it is a normal method of discipline. And then have a chat about what you agree is acceptable methods.

If she is still refusing to accept that there is a problem then I would be keeping a much closer eye out in future and considering parenting courses, relate etc

FlubbaBubba Sun 04-Sep-11 20:07:07

Not agreeing with your DW's actions, but was DD still in the bath?

MadamDeathstare Sun 04-Sep-11 20:15:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greenshadow Sun 04-Sep-11 20:16:35

Going against the grain, but can't see a big problem - shock tactics often work and calm the situation (am assuming DD was in the bath still)

Supersunnyday Sun 04-Sep-11 20:17:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HowlingBitch Sun 04-Sep-11 20:18:56

Sorry, Missed the whole title (In my defense I have a horrible flu!)

Your DW needs to apologize to your DD. Not laugh about it.

Awful.

youarekidding Sun 04-Sep-11 20:20:54

My DS would have laughed and stopped arsing around. It depends for me if it was done in a really angry agressive way or if your DW was laughing when she did it as well as afterwards.

PontyMython Sun 04-Sep-11 20:29:04

IIRC from studying law, throwing water in somebody's face counts as a battery, so no, yanbu.

AssetRichIncomePoor Sun 04-Sep-11 20:30:22

Cripes. I'm all for not undermining one another, but her behaviour was horrible and I would have done the same if I were you. Indeed, I have done the same to DH.

Nancy66 Sun 04-Sep-11 20:35:40

Horrible thing to do - and then laughing about it afterwards.

spiderpig8 Sun 04-Sep-11 20:42:40

FFs a cup of water, a CUP!! battery! have you ever been to a swimming pool! The swimming teacher splash water in kids' faces when they are not paying attention!Do injurylawyers4u hang out there ?No? thought not
I don't think it's a great way to punish a child, but your reaction was quite frankly bonkers!

pissedrightoff Sun 04-Sep-11 20:43:21

Completley out of order.

Hulababy Sun 04-Sep-11 20:47:02

1. Could DW have been reasonable in throwing the water?

No, it wasn't a nice thing to do to your DD. It wasn't done in jest, it was done in anger and when she'd lost her temper, therefore it was wrong.

2. Was my response appropriate?

Yes, you showed your DD that sometes adults make wrong choices and that her mum had done something not nice and you were there to say so, to stand up for it.

Also - your DW's response afterwards - laughing about it - makes her behaviour even worse. She owes your DD an apology.

Mitmoo Sun 04-Sep-11 20:47:54

Your Dw is bang out of order and out of control. You are not describing a fun bathtime but a mother totally frustrated.

Then finding it funny with her own mother????????

Dysfunctional written all over it.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 04-Sep-11 20:54:26

My revolting brother-in-law chucked a glass of water at my then 14 yr old neice - i her face. It was horrendous. She was mortified and cried and cried.

Your wife's behavioru was appalling and made all the worse by her laughing about it.

YANBU and your wife is being fucking horrid.

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