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AIBU?

to say no to this?

34 replies

neuroticmumof3 · 04/09/2011 14:05

My DS (16) is into keeping fit, does mixed martial arts, fencing and used to go to the gym quite a bit but has now decided their weights equipment isn't good enough. He wants to get a weights bench and weights and put it in his bedroom. There really isn't room to do this. He has come up with the idea that we can dismantle his brother's bed (only used when he's home from uni) and then get the weights bench in. I have said no because I think it's impractical and still don't think there will be room. The dismantled bed would have to stay in the bedroom cos there's simply nowhere else to put it. He's going on and on at me and his father (exp) is supporting him in this hare brained scheme. So AIBU?

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Rosa · 04/09/2011 14:06

Erm no ..If it doesn't fit it doesn't fit . Ask him where will the weights bench etc go when bro is back from Uni and needs a bed?

Tchootnika · 04/09/2011 14:07

YANBU.

Don't know what sort of building you live in, but it could be a complete nightmare if you're in the room below someone using that equipment. Not sure it's too good for the building, either.

SheldonsBazinga · 04/09/2011 14:08

YANBU.

If exp is so keen on the idea then let him keep the bench at his place, dismantling a bed if need be.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 04/09/2011 14:09

A home gym that's better than a commercial gym sounds unlikely, surely it would be cheaper for him to just change gyms?

AgentZigzag · 04/09/2011 14:10

I would have thought you'd try to sort out any problems so he can do it.

It's good for him to be so into something.

At least let him see if there's room, you can blame MN for backtracking

fedupofnamechanging · 04/09/2011 14:14

I think your exp should mind his own business, given that this is your home and not his.

Agree that finding home equipment that's better than a gym is highly unlikely and also teens can develop unhealthy obsessions with these things and having the equipment in his bedroom is unlikely to help.

If he needs better weights then changing gyms would be better. Back when I was fit and a gym goer, I found council run gyms had much more (and better)equipment than the local private gym.

Takitezee · 04/09/2011 14:15

I would say yes if he would commit to being responsible for dismantling and putting together your other ds's bed each time he comes home. Would there be room to store the weights bench with the two beds?

Tolalola · 04/09/2011 14:17

Well, you know your DS best, but I would say that on occassion it can be good to go along with some of ones DC's madder schemes, if it's something that's truly important to them.

Especially for something positive like exercising. I'd facilitate, if possible.

Mabelface · 04/09/2011 14:18

My answer to him would be "when you have your own home and room to do it, then it's completely up to you. As it is, there is NO room in the house and I am going to continue to say no. Nagging will not change my mind, but will just annoy me and may result in removal of privileges."

FabbyChic · 04/09/2011 14:22

Will your floor even take the weight? Have you considered that?

AgentZigzag · 04/09/2011 14:28

'when you have your own home and room to do it, then it's completely up to you.'

To which he says, 'OK', and promptly moves out.

Removal of privileges? Does that still work with a 16 YO?

neuroticmumof3 · 04/09/2011 14:29

That's one of my other concerns Fabby. We live in a badly built LHA property so I would also worry about the floor. I'm pleased he's into exercise and wish I could facilitate his interest but just don't think it's feasible. I'd put a shed or something similar up outside but again I don't have room. Also, he's quite a hermit so I like him going out to go to the gym. I agree his dad should butt out but he always agrees with DS against me. I end up looking like the bad guy when I'm just being sensible. And no DS wouldn't be capable of putting bed up and taking it back down, he's too kak handed, it would be up to my DP to do. He also thinks the room is too small and the floorboards wouldn't be up to it. Thanks for all your answers, it's interesting to see what everyone else thinks.

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bananamam · 04/09/2011 14:33

Would it not need to be an expensive bit of kit to be better than the gym? Are their no other local gyms he can visit instead?

Tchootnika · 04/09/2011 14:33

We live in a badly built LHA property

YADDDNBU, then.

If you're in a terrace, then just knock the idea on the head right now. Seriously.
The noise will drive you and the neighbours nuts, and it'll damage the building.

eaglewings · 04/09/2011 14:40

Can't he put it in a room at hs dad's?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 04/09/2011 14:50

As Tchootnika has said, it's a NO unless you want the ceiling of the room below down - and quite possibly, the joists too.

In any event, while your older ds is at uni and probably beyond, the second bed is spoken for and you've got no space to store it if you were to agree to this madcap plan.

Tell your ds to go and on at his df to source a gym that has professional equipment or set up something at his home that will suit both of them.

Mabelface · 04/09/2011 14:55

Agentzigzag - where exactly would a 16 year old move to? And yes, removal of privileges does still work at that age.

neuroticmumof3 · 04/09/2011 14:58

He belongs to a local authority gym but moans that they haven't got a leg press, or something like that. He's got a bit fixated on the idea of having a home gym, several of his friends have garage conversions that their parents did for them. He's also got Asperger's so once he fixates on an idea he tends to stay stuck on it for ages. His dad lives about 50 miles away so I can't call his bluff and suggest he set up a gym as DS would rarely get to use it. He told me earlier he'd be leaving home as soon as he could. He's not on at me at the moment, I think he's waiting for DP to go home before he launches his next attempt at persuasion/attack.

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ChippingIn · 04/09/2011 15:01

For a start he's talking crap - you don't get home gym stuff better than proper gym stuff - well, not unless you can afford to buy premium commercial stuff (and we're talking BIG money).

I think it has more to do with him wanting to stay at home or work out far far too much (though the night).

Your floor would not stand up to it - no way.

NO is the only sensible answer.

ChippingIn · 04/09/2011 15:04

Local Authority gym without a Leg Press - highly, highly unlikely. Also, a Leg Press is not the be all and end all - plenty of other (better) exercises he could be doing for those muscles.

Sorry - my post would have been more sensitive if I'd realised he has Asp.

He may believe that stuff - but it's not accurate.

SquongebobSparepants · 04/09/2011 15:07

I would never put a home gym upstairs unless you are 100% that the floor can take it.
I had a bf who dropped a weight on the floor once. It went right through to the flat below and landed on their bed.

I am all for encouraging children but not when it causes disruption to the family and is just not feasible. Do you have a garage/shed you could fit it in?

SandStorm · 04/09/2011 15:09

Also, think how DS1 would feel when you tell him his bedroom has been turned into a gym. I know I'd feel as though I was being told this was no longer my home.

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SockMunkee · 04/09/2011 15:12

Buy a shed and let him have weights in there?

neuroticmumof3 · 04/09/2011 15:30

Unfortunately we've no room for a shed outside either. I'm just going to stick to no. I'm just dreading him trying to wear me down tbh. I know how persistent he can be!

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 04/09/2011 15:32

It's not easy with any teenager that wants something badly - one with Asp is even more exhausting. Please have a , or .... stay strong x

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