Brief background of important things is that dh and i have been together 12 years have 4 dcs all under 7 and i am pregnant with dc5 ( dcs 1-4 planned dc 5 not).
Dh works from home on the computer and has one of the upstairs rooms as an office this started about 2 years ago now when he suddenly wouldnt get out of bed crying lost his job then finally was diagnosed with depression, terrible time etc etc but things seem improved now.
Dh is in that room 7 days a week from the moment he wakes up until the moment he goes to bed, he gets up when he pleased, he goes to bed when he pleases. He says he works all that time, he does work hard but her clearly doesnt work 16 hours a day 7 days a week he plays games, watches films, works on personal projects etc for alot of that time just shut away on his own. He doesnt take part in any family activity if he absolutley has to he will drag himself into life for mabe half an hour he will go to the local shop for example to get bread or whatevr but thn its run straight bakc upstairs hide away. He is the sole wage earner he does provide for us financially although we are only on a pretty low income since he quit is job during the depression, he wont look after the children so me working is pretty much impossibe even of i wasnt now pregnant he isnt controlling or abusive in any way he just avoids us all at all costs. We were very happy until 2 years ago.
Depsite various attempts at talking etc (we never argue never have time!) he simply doesnt see this as a problem.He doesnt seem depressed anymore and even if he did he refuses to get any help so thats a no go. The latest issue is that despite the fact that dc5 was a contraception failure and clearly not planned on either side he behaved as though i had planned the whole thing and told me he wanted me to have an abortion despite knowing since day 1 of our relationship that i would not consider an abortion ever, i have never hidden this or pretended otherwise so i dont think i was unreasonable to say no.
Would i be unreasonable to start treating him like the lodger he clearly wants to be. Stop cooking for him, doing his cleaning, stop trying to involve him in things ( for example today was going to take the kids to the park i normally ask him if he woukd like to come perhaps i should just go and leave him in his room, he never comes anyway so whats the point in asking, also transfer the child benefit and tax credits to my account at the moment they go to his simply because it was easier that way but now im thinking perhaps i shoudk safegaurd some of that and tbh since our income has gone down this is (thank god ) quite a significant amount of money.
So treating him like a lodger aibu?
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AIBU?
Aibu to think that if dh behaves like a lodger its not petty to treat him like one
36 replies
Greatthetoastisburned · 04/09/2011 09:41
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