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To want our mattress on the floor so DD can co-sleep?

(30 Posts)
Midori1999 Fri 02-Sep-11 23:09:03

And have no mattress topper on it?

Our DD is 11 weeks old. She's BF and sometimes co-sleeps as it means I get more sleep. We took the memory foam topper off our mattress when DD was born as it seems unclear if memory foam is safe when co-sleeping. Then we moved house 10 days ago and haven't put our bed up yet. I have told DH that I'd prefer the mattress to stay on the floor so I don't need to worry so much that DD might fall out. He isn't overly happy about it, but agreed it was probably a good idea.

However, he keeps asking about both whether/when we can have the mattress topper back on the mattress and tonight asked if he should put our bed up tomorrow. We have a spare room with a double bed in it (topper is on that for now too) that he could sleep in if he prefers, but he said he 'doesn't want to be one of those couples who sleep in separate beds'.

I don't want to stop co-sleeping as it means I get much more sleep. AIBU?

AgentZigzag Fri 02-Sep-11 23:20:05

If she's sleeping between you and your DH, it would be pretty unlikely for her to fall out of the bed wouldn't it?

Sleeping with your baby in bed means you have to weigh up the risks and benefits and decide whether it's for you, I decided it was worth it after taking the 'normal' precautions, but I don't think anyone can make that decision for you.

Whatever you decide, for me, them falling out of bed wasn't the biggest worry.

Midori1999 Fri 02-Sep-11 23:25:26

She doesn't sleep between DH and I as guidelines (published by UNICEF and FSIDS) suggest that isn't safe.

LemonDifficult Fri 02-Sep-11 23:27:44

I'm not sure about BU or NBU, but I think your worry about the baby falling out of the bed could be overcome in ways other than putting the mattress on the floor. I've not heard of that being necessary before - is the bed particularly narrow?

Whatmeworry Fri 02-Sep-11 23:29:58

I found a mattress on the floor a pain to get up from and that was without a baby! Can't you just put a chair against the bed in the time honoured tradition?

Friedtomatoes77 Fri 02-Sep-11 23:30:26

You could put a bedrail on. We used that after having one at hospital. There is a kind which doesn't have wooden bars, if that was a worry.

hellymelly Fri 02-Sep-11 23:31:17

We still have a mattress on the floor,and ours are 4 and six.They are either side of me now and DH is wherever he can squash in (often the bed in the girls' room,full of cuddly animals... Anyway we will now get a bed when we find one we like,but the mattress was great when they were tiny,particularly once they stopped sleeping next to me on the sofa of an evening and needed to be in bed. DD2 rolled out once,she was about 14m,but a very fluent talker.I went up because she was crying,and she'd rolled well away fromt he bed and said in an accusing voice "you've left me here.On the floor. All on my own."

slavetofilofax Fri 02-Sep-11 23:31:17

Why don't you get a bedside cot? We used to have one and it was the best big baby purchase I made. It had a side that came off so it could go right next to the bed, and stabilizers on the legs so it wouldn't move. The trick is to get a hard matress, so it matches your own.

worraliberty Fri 02-Sep-11 23:31:21

YABU just buy a bed guard, you'll need it in the future anyway.

It's lovely to co-sleep with a baby...but it's also good not to make your partner feel pushed out.

AgentZigzag Fri 02-Sep-11 23:31:45

I didn't know that Midori, I'm glad DD's a bit older now or it'd have been something else to worry about.

We both (or all, if you add in DH) just got so much out of it, and still do smile

RollingInTheAisles Fri 02-Sep-11 23:31:49

YANBU and I have the same issue. You might be better off with the bed to yourself for a while as well as you'll be able to switch feeding sides in the night and not have to put her back on the 'safe' side each time.

Friedtomatoes77 Fri 02-Sep-11 23:32:33

Or a bedside cot. We had one of those for a while before the bedrail. Didn't go in it though, however it made a bit more space (usually for my bum when curled round ds hmm)

RollingInTheAisles Fri 02-Sep-11 23:33:44

One thing we did was to push the cot up against my side of the bed, it made a good solid barrier.

BohicaWankSock Fri 02-Sep-11 23:38:21

We had a bedside cot although I don't know where a cot mattresswould sit if you used a topper.

I'd say bed back up minus the topper and bedside cot is a comprimise imo.

Oh and DH spent many a night in the spare room whilst I nursed and looked after our babies & it hasn't don eus any harm!

Deuce Fri 02-Sep-11 23:43:40

We need an

YOU ARE OVER THINKING THIS

emotion

Op, it is working for you so keep doing it.

FabbyChic Fri 02-Sep-11 23:48:06

I co slept with my son 18 years ago, I never considered sleeping on the floor though. Your baby wont fall out, besides the child should be sleeping in the middle not on the side of the bed.

TipOfTheSlung Fri 02-Sep-11 23:48:31

I have sympathy. I am about to move into a smaller house which means getting rid of the spare bed, or my bed as I have taken to thinking of it (in ds3s room). I told Dh he could either have a very tired grumpy wife or one that doesnt always share his bed but who is happy. I am dreading life without 'my' bed.

Let him have the bed and the topper and you sleep in the spare room. It won't be forever

snailoon Sat 03-Sep-11 07:54:40

We had a huge mattress on the floor and it was great. Everyone can be comfortable it the mattress is big enough.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions Sat 03-Sep-11 08:01:20

My DS slept on top of the duvet in his gro-bag when we co-slept so a mattress topper would have been by the by. If he wants the topper back on can't you just ask a HV or something? I also think it's overkill to have the mattress on the floor but hey, it's no big deal, until the baby is a bit bigger.

californiaburrito Sat 03-Sep-11 08:16:50

I'd say it's a definite NO to the mattress topper. Not only do you have the risk of the foam molding to the baby's face they can also overheat the baby.

As for putting the bed up- when I was co-sleeping with my DD the bed was off the floor and initially there was no barrier or bed side cot. I may have put a pillow on the floor in case she fell off but she never did. When she started to roll over I used a mesh bed guard. A bedside cot would have never worked with my DD as she had to be in constant contact with me to sleep. And you are correct- it is recommended that the baby sleeps on one side of the bed, not in the middle.

Why do you think your DH feels like this? Does he want things to go back to "normal" or does he think that if he moves into the spare room he never get to share a bed with you again? I found one of the most helpful things to do when I had a little baby was to only think in the short term because things will change before you know it.

And no I don't think YABU, but neither is you DH.

VeronicaCake Sat 03-Sep-11 08:22:30

Unfortunately not wanting to be one of those couples which sleep in different beds may temporarily conflict with wanting to be one of those families where everyone gets some sleep. At least it did for us. Eventually I opted for a futon on the floor in DD's room and DH in our bed. This meant I got as much sleep as poss, didn't get woken by DH's snoring, and he had enough energy to come and get her when she was up at 6 and leave me to catch up until 7.

If it was me I'd keep the mattress on the floor and leave DH in the other room. But a lot depends on your baby. DD was a roller and wriggler from 2m, and generally wriggled off the side of the futon at least once a night so having her on the outside of a bed off the floor would not have worked.

A bed guard works if your bed is big enough for all of you. We tried the bedside cot initially but DD wasn't fooled for a second, biggest waste of money possible for us.

Seriously the only thing that matters is how much sleep you all get. Weigh up all the options on this basis. It will be temporary. Once DD got to 7m she started to wake less frequently to feed and then we gently transitioned to her spending more of the night in the cot in her room and now DH and I have our whole bed to ourselves every night. It felt like forever whilst we were going through it and now seems like a mere blip.

I have noticed that once number 2 arrives all my friends have opted to have Mum co-sleep whilst her partner catches up on sleep elsewhere so s/he has the energy to toddler-wrangle in the morning.

SmethwickBelle Sat 03-Sep-11 08:28:33

Couples sleeping in different rooms isn't uncommon when babies are tiddly. 11 weeks is nowt - I spent 6 months sleeping in one room with the new baby each time and DH slept in a different room (with him swapping on occasion to take the nights). Actually with DS1 it was probably nearer 9 months - sleep is the priority (for everyone). You can still ahem get together for cuddles and bedhop etc...

I'd say DH should sleep in the spare room with what ever toppers he likes and you'll stick with your newborn on the floor if that works for you for now.

I co-slept with the baby/s on my chest on a normal height bed, wedged with pillows shock I generally slept lightly when they were tiny so I could feel any movement. I miss all that. Now they just wriggle and nick the duvet so get evicted to their own beds. Enjoy the cuddles.

OrganicFreeRangeBoys Sat 03-Sep-11 08:54:10

YANBU!

Your baby is 11weeks old. You need all the sleep you can get. If this means co-sleeping with the mattress on the floor then show your Dp where the spare bed is if he doesn't like it.

We co-sleep with our 11month old and our mattress is on the floor. It has made life so much easier and my Dp knows it won't be forever.

ChristinedePizan Sat 03-Sep-11 08:56:25

Since when could 11 week babies roll over?

OrganicFreeRangeBoys Sat 03-Sep-11 09:01:43

Ds2 rolled from his back to his tummy at 8weeks old ci he hated being on his back so he soon learnt to get off it.

Still can't/won't roll the other way though at 11months.

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