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to think this is unfair over a school run...........

(26 Posts)
ownthreadhider Fri 02-Sep-11 23:05:43

Have been doing a school run with another mum for 4 years.

Until recently my ex also helped. For many complicated reasons (one being his two biological children involved are no longer part of it and the unbiological who calls him dad and has done since he could speak aged 9 is the only one left and he has now decided to cease contact with him 5 yrs after we split hmm) and this leaves me to foot a £70 bill a month for the older two's bus fare.

I will be taking one of my DC to school every motning and two of school run buddys with one space in the car. She will do the PM shift. We did have another mum involved a few yrs ago but her child moved up to seniors and I took on her morning runs as school run buddy had kids she took to another school those mornings which she was paid for hmm

Because of added pressure on work time due to to ex not helping at all and school hols (juggling work times) I cannot take any more time off work to do PM collections.

School run buddy has just told me next week her car is in garage so therefore she cannot do the PM runs (which is what she had agreed she would do) although I will still be taking her two on the am run. She has sorted a ride home for her two but not my one.

AIBU to think this is a bit shitty?

SingleFosterMum Fri 02-Sep-11 23:09:09

Yanbu, it seems selfish.
What did you say when she said she hadn't sorted anything out for your dc?

bonkers20 Fri 02-Sep-11 23:12:00

How long is the bus ride?! I pay just over £100 a term for my DSs bus and it's a 40 min journey.

Sandalwood Fri 02-Sep-11 23:13:06

It's annoying but these things happen.
It'll be all go again when her car's fixed won't it?

bonkers20 Fri 02-Sep-11 23:13:06

Oh, sorry. You mean £70 for the 2, so £35 a month each. OK, that sounds about right.


needanewname Fri 02-Sep-11 23:15:48

That is very shitty.

So she's covered and left you with very little notice to sort your children out. Nice friend.

DoMeDon Fri 02-Sep-11 23:15:56

It seems shitty but maybe she couldn't get another child in and, right or wrong, her Dc will be her priority.

Think you are annoyed about the whole thing and this is the last straw.

Talker2010 Fri 02-Sep-11 23:19:11

Difficult I think ... Whilst it does leave you in a difficult position if I had been in her position I would not have presumed to make arrangements for your son

Would you really want him having a lift from someone you do not know (unless the new pm drive is someone you both know in which case ... will your fit)

thisisyesterday Fri 02-Sep-11 23:19:18

yanbu, that is pretty shitty sad

ownthreadhider Fri 02-Sep-11 23:19:53

Think I feel a bit pissed off that she has obvs known for a while as she has covered her own arse.

I feel like being unavailable to take her kids to school I obviously wouldn't but....

My mum would come and help but she is having surgery and my ex is in a shit place too (his gf has cancer).


BoastingByStealth Fri 02-Sep-11 23:22:55

Oooh, very difficult. I really feel for you, what a shitty situation. Are there no after school clubs at school that your dcs can join for the week?

nickschick Fri 02-Sep-11 23:23:03

It is shitty but such is life.
We were in a similar situation and because I couldnt get a lift home for all 3 children (1 mum did mornings and dh did afternoons-other child just tagged on) a neighbour could collect my son but no room for the others - out of fairness we paid for 2 weeks for a taxi home for all 3 children - on the 5th day the taxi fare was £4 more hmm the tag along child had asked to be dropped off first in town shock angry.

LemonDifficult Fri 02-Sep-11 23:23:20

I agree with DMD, you were pissed off to begin with and now you're aiming it at her. I think YprobABU - these things happen. The car's going to the garage and changing plans at the last minute and reoragnising childcare is a Fact of Parenting.

Doesn't stop it being irritating though. I just don't think it's the other mother's fault. Don't fall out with her over it.

ownthreadhider Fri 02-Sep-11 23:26:28

hmmm after school club is a really good idea thanks - I also have elderly neighbours who LOVE me I could ask and offer petrol money or get the older ones to go to his school and take him on the bus - AND then take them all myself and get out of the school run and not rely on anyone MWHAHAHA.....................

cat64 Fri 02-Sep-11 23:50:43

Message withdrawn

ownthreadhider Sat 03-Sep-11 11:02:05

So - I have been thinking I can take my three DC every morning obvs not fitting in any other kids and all three can get the bus home together (older two collect youngest) and save myself money.

AIBU to opt out of this school run?

ChippingIn Sat 03-Sep-11 11:07:01

No YANBU to opt out of this school run - I can't think why you didn't do so before tbh.

She is BU to have known and arranged transport for her two and not let you know as soon as she knew.

WreckaJones Sat 03-Sep-11 11:09:17

No definitely not unreasonable to drop out - in fact the sooner the better. I'd be letting school run buddy know that she did you a favour because the quick workaround you had to come up with when she left you in the lurch has actually worked out to be/given you an idea for a long term option. How much notice did she give you? I'd give the same amount of notice back. Seems fair. She can't expect any better treatment than she dishes out really can she?

RedHelenB Sat 03-Sep-11 11:12:39

Best to be self reliant tbh. as far as possible

ExitPursuedByATroll Sat 03-Sep-11 11:16:12

Agree - get out of the arrangement. Times change, circumstances change and you have to draw a line somewhere. This seems like the ideal opportunity.

Catslikehats Sat 03-Sep-11 11:17:41

Definitely NBU to opt out of school run. And I would be giving your "friend" the same amount of notice she gave you.

festi Sat 03-Sep-11 11:23:28

I would say use a childminder from now on in.

I am is similar situation as you in that I can do some and not others another mum from school came up with a great I dea of us sharing, but organising alone just got far too complicated then we had consider holidays etc and would we do child care for each other in homlidays etc. I just seemed to be esculating into something I didnt want to commit to, then if your dcs are ill or have a term time holiday, etc etc. In the end I said thanks but no thanks as I am sp with no other family around to help me out so would just rather know I have regular, long term paid for childcare.

I have found a lovely, flexable childminder.

festi Sat 03-Sep-11 11:25:33

sorry op, just seen your solution, yes go for that sounds a great idea.

ownthreadhider Sat 03-Sep-11 11:29:47

Have run it past the kids and they are up for it grin.

Teachermumof3 Sat 03-Sep-11 12:44:51

I think that's an excellent solution.

Have you told the other mother-what did she say?

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