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To say No to paying for this?

(46 Posts)
deemented Fri 02-Sep-11 20:57:35

First off, let me say i love my DSS to bits, and i do not begrudge him anything.

This year it was arranged that we'd have him for three weeks of the school holidays, alternate weeks. As it happened, we ended up having him for six of the seven weeks, but thats by the by.

He's 12 and about to go into year 8 in high school, and his mum said he needed new uniform. We went and spent nearly £80 on shoes, socks, undearwear, trousers, shirts, stationary - basicly everything needed for him to go back to school. I didn't mind paying for any of it as i wouldn't want the poor lad to go without. When we brought him home, we gave his mum the stuff and she really pulled her face and said that he didn't need it and she would have preferred the money - this is despite manshape giving her her maintance every week, even when DSS was with us.

Tonight she has rung and said that DSS needs a new schoolbag and it's going to cost £30 (!!) and that he needs it for Monday. I know full well that DSS has a rucksack that he used fine last year and can't see any reason for him to have a new one.

AIBU in saying that we will not pay for this too?

HeadfirstForHalos Fri 02-Sep-11 21:01:32

YANBU, there is no way I would pay for that too, she is being a cheeky cow trying her luck.

smoggii Fri 02-Sep-11 21:03:23

Doesn't sound like he 'needs' it, probably more that he wants it. It is not unreasonable to say no to a £30 bag and offer to buy an alternative.

But from what I recall from school most kids had a new bag every school year and having 'the bag' was a huge deal.

If it's what he wants and you can afford it, as you've said you wouldn't begrudge him anything. £30 isn't too bad if it's good quality and will last all year.

DoMeDon Fri 02-Sep-11 21:03:44

YANBU - she can spend the money you saved her by buying the rest

YouDoTheMath Fri 02-Sep-11 21:04:16

Ungrateful ***. Tell her to eff off.

going Fri 02-Sep-11 21:05:45


Sounds like she is after the money. If you do pay for it ask which one it is, take of the tags and give it to him so it can't be returned.

kelly2000 Fri 02-Sep-11 21:06:33

Does she want the bag or the cash?

GypsyMoth Fri 02-Sep-11 21:07:00

Er, did he mention one when shopping with you??

deemented Fri 02-Sep-11 21:07:01

To be honest, we can't really afford it.

And in fairness, i wouldn't pay £30 for a bag for one of my own children, so am very reluctant to pay for one for DSS, especially when he has a perfectly good one.

And also, and i'll probably be flamed, but i think it's about time his mum put her hand in her pocket and actually paid for something for him - she has contributed absolutely nothing to him going back to school, or anything towards his 'keep' this summer.

deemented Fri 02-Sep-11 21:08:01

No, Tiff - he never said a word, and i did ask him.

Myself, i think she probably wants the money too.

Talker2010 Fri 02-Sep-11 21:09:52

I guess the "he needs it on Monday" bit means "send me the money"

If you can take him to buy or deliver one ... go for it ... I would not send her the money

thisisyesterday Fri 02-Sep-11 21:10:48

yanbu, you've bought everything else he needed i am sure she can use some of her maintenance money for a bloody bag

cheeky caaah

Allboxedin Fri 02-Sep-11 21:11:04

I wouldn't pay £30 on a rucksack for myself! There are 'cool' ones for a lot less than £30. Especially if you get one in the sale. If she can't afford to buy it herself she should choose one she can afford.

MadamDeathstare Fri 02-Sep-11 21:15:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth Fri 02-Sep-11 21:16:11

Well if he didn't mention it then I'd be inclined to also think she is trying it on!

bonkers20 Fri 02-Sep-11 21:18:16

I'm pretty impressed you got so much stuff for £80! Anyway, if she believes her son needs more things then the level of maintenance should be discussed, especially if she's going to make a habit of just springing expenses on to you. I would certainly not be handing over another £30.

As for the bag itself. I agree with the poster who said it can be a big deal. My DS (also going into yr 8) wanted some fancy pants Gola bag. I said I'd contribute the amount I would spend on a regular rucksack (a tenner) and he could pay the rest.

deemented Fri 02-Sep-11 21:24:45

I shop around, bonkers smile

TBH manshape pays between £40-£50 a week mantenace, which i think is more than reasonable.

DSS has AS/Autism and really isn't bothered about bags etc. He's more interested in the bus that takes him to school.

smoggii Fri 02-Sep-11 21:26:35

In my last year of school 'The bag' was one from United Colours of Benetton (in any colour) kind of barrel shaped and massively impractical as it had no pockets.

I had an horrifically ugly rucksack from the local market. It had loads of pockets. So the other kids may have taken the piss but at least i could find my protractor in a hurry hmm

MadamDeathstare Fri 02-Sep-11 21:28:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn Fri 02-Sep-11 21:28:38

I think 'The Bag' can be very important.

I think the manipulative bitch Ex knows this and is playing on it.

If DSS had been that bothered surely he would have mentioned it?

... and if you have had him most of the summer and she hasn't had to pay for stuff for him or feed him all summer she can use some of her maintenance to pay for it. Cheeky bloody cow.

Also, as you say, you wouldn't pay that for a school bag for any of the kids.

alemci Fri 02-Sep-11 21:37:22

No don't buy the bag. If his other one is fine then it is an extravagence. she is being greedy.

I was relieved when my DD chose a nice school bag in the USA which was under £20.

My other DD bought a lovely satchel bag which was £40 but she paid for it herself. You would not catch me paying that amount for a school bag.

deemented Fri 02-Sep-11 21:40:44

We're going to tell her no, that we can't afford it and we don't think he needs it.

I shall await the fireworks.

Allboxedin Fri 02-Sep-11 21:43:12

At least you both agree! smile

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 02-Sep-11 21:49:34

Message withdrawn

fedupofnamechanging Fri 02-Sep-11 21:49:47

I think she wants money and if you gave it to her, I don't think it would be spent on a bag.

Sports shops sell branded bags for about £15. If I was spending £30, I'd want one of those strong surfer rucksacks which last forever.

Glad you and dh are not going to give her money.

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