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AIBU to think 6 yr old should be allowed access to loo at school?

(67 Posts)
imogengladheart Fri 02-Sep-11 20:25:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Firawla Fri 02-Sep-11 20:29:39

i think they were BU to not actually tell you what the "incident" was about, and also the teacher was BU to say no to him going to toilet. I thought in primary school they have to tell them yes if they ask, im sure when I used to be in primary we were allowed, although its a few years back and cant remember for sure, but i dont think you should have to write a letter for that to be the case. They should be allowed..

LineRunner Fri 02-Sep-11 20:31:14

I had to write a letter to my DD's primary school years ago when she had a UTI asking them to let her go the the loo when she needed to go.

I think the school was quite crap not teling you what it was all about, and you might want to talk to the Head again.

Especially as schools now (rightly) encourage 'healthy hydration' - i.e. drinking water. Forcing little kids to wait to go to the loo is not 'healthy'.

Can you imagine if bosses did it to adults at work?

singingmum Fri 02-Sep-11 20:32:25

Would send very serious letter or make an appointment with head and teacher and tell them that stopping a child or for that matter anyone from going to toilet when needed is damaging to health and is just plain cruelty.
Tbh i am firmly against the whole hand up to pee thing as remember being told to wait by teach in comp when i had my period dead embarrassing.
So glad i he because I'd prob hurt any teacher or moron who did this to my dc's
Actually i have a better idea lets lock teachers in a room and make them ask when they need to go and not allow them until they in pain and almost/actually leaking just as sadistic

WoofToYouTooLady Fri 02-Sep-11 20:32:26

hmm tricky one

can he express clearly that he needs the loo? because if he was appearing to be just interrupting/making growling noises then I can kind of see why teacher brushed him off

however

I am wracking my brains to recall whether the infants had to ask before going to the loo, and I think not, so school IBU, on balance

You say he has repeated a yr at school, are you in the UK?

GypsyMoth Fri 02-Sep-11 20:32:44

Why ewasnt it mentioned in the heads office?

And what did the tantrum consist of?

hellhasnofury Fri 02-Sep-11 20:33:30

I'm pretty sure they're not allowed to stop small kids going to the toilet when they need to go.

Marne Fri 02-Sep-11 20:35:48

Thats shocking, i would be very angry, in dd's old school they were allowed to just get up and go to the loo in the first 2 years of school without asking (as long as it wasn't in the middle of a talk or story time), i would be very angry if someone stoped my child from going to the loo sad.

kelly2000 Fri 02-Sep-11 20:36:15

I would be livid if they treated my child like that especially the bit about making him tell you how he is going to behave in the future. You say he has AS, do you think the staff need extra training?
Also am I being unreasonable to think they are wrong to use the word "fit" to describe him being upset. A fit is a rather unpleasant and old fashioned term for a seizure, and it comes across as very unprofessional for them to use it. I would complain about that too.

edwinbear Fri 02-Sep-11 20:37:35

I would certainly be making a complaint to the school, your DS sounds like he felt quite humiliated and understandably so. Dreadful way to treat a young child, at the end of the day, if you need to go, you need to go.

LineRunner Fri 02-Sep-11 20:38:26

Oh yes, and while I'm on a rant, I would point out that requiring girls who are having a period to ask to go to the loo, and to then explain why they can't wait till the next break in front of the whole class, is fucking horrendous.

Girls start periods now much earlier - many are in primary school - andf should be allowed to go to the loo when they need to go.

Otherwise they can end up in a routine of missing a day of school or two each month when they shouldn't have to, not for reasons of physical need but for reasons of avoiding humiliation.

My DD had a friend who was covered in blood by lunchtime, sobbing in the loo when she was finally allowed to go. WTF??

hellhasnofury Fri 02-Sep-11 20:40:37

Point schools in the direction of Bog Standard

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 02-Sep-11 20:43:40

IMO you should write to the head teacher but I would keep the letter brief and along the lines of :

'Further to our impromptu meeting when I collected my son (insert name) from school, at which time (insert name of teacher) complained about his behaviour on the morning of Friday 2 September, I am given to understand that there is more to this matter than was disclosed to me. .

Under the circumstances, I write to request a meeting with yourself and (insert teacher's name) to discuss this matter further.'

Attend the meeting without your dc, ask the head and teacher to repeat what they told you today, deliver your whammy, and tell them in no uncertain terms that if there is any repeat of this incident you will have no alternative but to invoke the formal complaint procedure.

MadamDeathstare Fri 02-Sep-11 20:44:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WoTmania Fri 02-Sep-11 20:48:36

YANBU - that's dreadful. I would be complaining.

ouryve Fri 02-Sep-11 20:49:01

You say he has AS - does he have any sort of IEP? I would say that it's imperative that both desired "need the loo" behaviours from him and appropriate responses from his teachers be laid down in black and white. Does he generally find it hard to express himself and make himself understood when he's with adults he doesn't know so well (I'm guessing new teacher, here) or when the situation is stressful (like when he's worried he'll pee himself)? Maybe something like a prompt card would help him and clue "forgetful" members of staff in that he's not simply trying to be rude.

youarekidding Fri 02-Sep-11 20:49:13

I would approach the HT again and tell him what DS has told you.

Major tantrum V's growling

attention seeking V's actually asking for the toilet.

it seems as if it's 2 different incidents. And TBH if DS was busting for the loo and HAD had a temper tantrum I'm sure that would have evoked an accident so it does sound like the school are over reacting.

AND if he has AS, then surely they should be modelling good communication not displaying bad. (well they should with any child but more so when there's already a difficulty)

imogengladheart Fri 02-Sep-11 20:56:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imogengladheart Fri 02-Sep-11 20:59:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

halcyondays Fri 02-Sep-11 21:06:11

Yanbu. The school are BVU.

pigletmania Fri 02-Sep-11 21:09:29

YANBU at all. They cannot deny a child a basic biological need. Also they are aware that he has AS so should be more attentive to him. I would definitely write a letter of complaint.

imogengladheart Fri 02-Sep-11 21:16:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummymccar Fri 02-Sep-11 21:22:35

Completely unacceptable! I used to work as a TA until recently and can assure you all that this doesn't happen in most schools. This sounds like the school are trying to cover it up and show that they are boss. You need to talk to the Head about what DS has told you. Children that age really struggle to hold it and can become quite agitated when kept waiting. He asked nicely and should have been allowed to go. This is an awful way to treat a child.

sarahfreck Fri 02-Sep-11 21:33:47

Are the HT and Class teacher aware that growling when angry is a classic autistic spectrum behaviour? It sounds as if this needs to be understood as such for your son and not just seen as "naughty". It sounds as if his teacher is very unaware of this aspect. Obviously he needs to begin to learn other ways to deal with frustration but this is hard for an AS child and they often need support and understanding to develop alternative strategies.

I agree that he should have been allowed to go to the loo, however, the teacher may have been making him wait so that there weren't too many in the loos at once?

imogengladheart Sun 04-Sep-11 22:43:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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