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To be so annoyed about dh's ex looking for more maintenance?

(12 Posts)
apachepony Fri 02-Sep-11 16:06:39

I know I'm u to let myself get involved but can't help it right now...maybe this thread will push sense into me....
Not in uk, so no Csa. Dh and ex long history of fairly amicable co-parenting, sharing costs etc. Currently (just to give you ideas of figures) dh would pay over Csa calculator amounts - has paid a lot more when childcare costs v high when sd younger or over summer.
Ex had child with feckless unemployed guy so now short of money. Also inherited massive sum, but invested badly, has 2 houses but big mortgage. Dh has zero assets, we rent in rough area, ex in best area of town.
Now she's got solicitor involved, pretty much out of the blue. Won't sit down with dh to discuss sd's actual costs cos it seems that legally in our country it goes by disposal income not splitting costs(they both earn same). So it looks like dh could end up paying for new child and massive mortgage! His financial position has improved since marrying me (eg I make him save so that we can try and get house deposit - savings still don't exceed his loans).
Aibu to be annoyed at paying for her bad decisions, and having my income taken into account?
(btw sd isn't suffering, she's with us 2 or 3 nights a week and has good life in both - though she wishes we lived in a better area)

griphook Fri 02-Sep-11 16:15:30

I don't think yabu, My dh ex asked for more money the day after she had another dc with someone else. As long as you re paying above the csa calculator, and payments are made on time, then no yanbu

GypsyMoth Fri 02-Sep-11 16:17:45

How old is she?

apachepony Fri 02-Sep-11 16:20:52

She's 9

GypsyMoth Fri 02-Sep-11 16:25:11

Ah so growing fast and growing up!

apachepony Fri 02-Sep-11 16:32:21

Ilt - do you think that influences things?

GypsyMoth Fri 02-Sep-11 18:21:51

Looking at my 5 I just think the 3 eldest (teens) get bit of a raw sized clothes means more £££ and of course adult travel and conema prices etc, but get child benefit/maintenance.

That's before you factor in the essential school laptop and a blackberry I guess! wink

GypsyMoth Fri 02-Sep-11 18:22:38

Oh, and the food they eat!!! Don't know where they put it all!

apachepony Fri 02-Sep-11 19:56:13

I do read children become more expensive as they get older - although childcare costs should come down massively. Well if it's all justified by costs all the better - though mortgage, car tax and heating costs are what she's been mentioning (mortgage is huge - over half her good salary). Will wait to see what happens. Doesn't in trying to be not too involved that my dh is expecting me to do most of the legal research on this

apachepony Fri 02-Sep-11 19:57:18

Doesn't help - that last sentence should have said

LineRunner Fri 02-Sep-11 20:10:09

Wherever you live, surely you can take some legal advice. I have never heard of a situation where a man is forced to pay for another man's child. That sounds extraordinary.

apachepony Fri 02-Sep-11 20:17:50

The problem is the judges here are totally unpredictable - and as the new child (and massive mortgage) reduce her disposable income, his income is now greater than hers (although salary is the same). I have spoken briefly to a couple of solicitor friends. He is going to suggest mediation tomorrow and if she doesn't agree we'll know she's being unreasonable- ideally don't want solicitors involved - for costs and increased animosity reasons. At the same time he can't let himself get screwed

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