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To have cut a friend out of the picture.

(13 Posts)
lolaflores Fri 02-Sep-11 11:24:24

Good friend of many years standing. School togther and later many adventures and misadventures. Have always turned a blind idea to her slightly stingy/free loading ways as loved her dearly.

Fast forward 22 years. She has returned to home, building a large house, husband a total ejit, fell into financial difficulties regarding house build. She asked me for £10,000, which I freely told her about. (Dim in hind sight). i agreed (even dimmer) but before giving it to her, bank agreed a larger loan. So I was in the clear. A week later, husband sacked, this on the cards for some time, but she hadn't been up front about it.

In effect, she was willing to take my money, with the full knowledge that there was no real way of paying it back. I am so angry with her and feel hate filled towards her. I have been very cool and do not initiate phone calls etc. How can a friend turn you over like this? How could I have let it happen.

YANBU. That's a pretty shitty thing to do to someone you call a friend. I think I'd have to say how I felt about it, tbh.

LemonDifficult Fri 02-Sep-11 11:31:05

Do you have mutual friends? Has she done anything similar before?

plupervert Fri 02-Sep-11 11:33:08

Keep phoning her, though, or you may find one day that you have to do a lot more chasing!

senua Fri 02-Sep-11 11:37:46

"she was willing to take my money, with the full knowledge that there was no real way of paying it back"

Are you sure about this? Sometimes you need money for a self-build but building societies will not fund it. They will, however, grant a mortgage once the building is finished and certified. So was it just, effectively, a bridging loan that she was asking for?
Talk to her before you dump her. Surely 22 years of friendship is worth at least a clear-the-air session?

Justcanthelpit Fri 02-Sep-11 11:39:58

To have cut a friend out of the picture.... I thought you meant literally... with scissors!

redwineformethanks Fri 02-Sep-11 11:55:53

get a solicitor?

smallwhitecat Fri 02-Sep-11 12:01:15

Message withdrawn

LeoTheLateBloomer Fri 02-Sep-11 12:15:27

Do you have any kind of agreement in writing? If not it could prove to be very difficult.

I definitely think it's worth talking to her about how she's planning on repaying you. She might still be wanting to, despite the job situation.

NevermindtheNargles Fri 02-Sep-11 12:23:10

Maybe if she had taken your money she would have felt she had to stay in the relationship until you were repaid. Perhaps you should say something like "it's a good thing you never borrowed that money from me in the end, you'd have struggled to pay it back now" and see how she reacts.

If she says "oh, bloody hell I'd have been stuck with him then" or had some way of repaying you herself you know she asked you in good faith. If she skirts round it, well you know where you stand then.

There's not enough information to go on, really.

Sounds like she's quite easy-going and probably thought she'd be able to pay you back at some point even though she guessed her DH was about to lose his job.

Meanwhile, I'd say stay friends but don't lend her any money. And as a ps, don't ever lend anybody an amount that would cripple you if you didn't get it back, iyswim.

plupervert Fri 02-Sep-11 14:51:13

Sorry, I'm an idiot; I missed the bit about her getting it from another source! blush Need more coffee before reading these things....

fanjobanjowanjo Fri 02-Sep-11 14:57:34

NEVER lend this amount of money to anyone, it's a recipe for disaster! I am very glad you didn't in the end, honestly, friends will take about 4000 miles if you give them an inch in terms of money, because you ARE a friend not a scary bank that will take away the home if they don't pay you.

I have a money situation with a friend and it ain't worth it. She prob didn't mean anything nasty or anything like that, just views you as a friend who will be flexible on repayments, but will end up taking the piss - my advice is NOT to lend this money or any money.

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