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to ask you how much time you spend with your parents?

(69 Posts)
knittynoodle Fri 02-Sep-11 11:00:53

I want to judge the responses really.

DPs family consider themselves 'close'. Older SIL goes to her parents house every day with her young son and spends all day there (I think thats so she doesnt have to cook dinner wink), DP didnt move out until he was 34, and younger SIL and BIL still live at home. They are 27 and 20. We are expected to stay for dinner twice a week at least and DP goes round maybe once more than I do. We will be in the dog house if we cant make it.

There are only me and my brother and our very young cousins. We are what I would consider close, as our Dad died when we were very young, and our Mum couldnt cope and had trouble with alcohol addiction. Because of that my brother and I have a feeling of protection for each other and he'll often just facebook or text me, Love you Sis x My mum has been in AA for 5 years and is totally dry now and only expects to see us once a week. I like this arrangement.

Despite the differences, DP's family dont actually seem to get along at all. They spend alot of time bitching about each other and their cousins. In the same vein, because we dont see each other every day, they think our family is disjointed.

How does it work in your familys? Are you at either end of the scale or somewhere inbetween?

Slightlyreluctantexpat Fri 02-Sep-11 11:05:23


Your scale is quite short if at one end the expectation is daily contact and at the other end the expectation is weekly contact.

I think 3 or 4 times a year is normal!

verlainechasedrimbauds Fri 02-Sep-11 11:10:02

My parents are no longer alive, sadly, but we used to see them once every couple of months I suppose, because they lived some way away. Sometimes it was more often than that and we would normally try to gather as a family (including my sister and her family)for important occasions. My Mum rang me every Sunday though smile - I still miss that.

I see my children (in their twenties) less often than I'd like - probably every couple of months. They have busy lives and live in different cities though. My dd is much better at keeping in touch than my ds! I love to see them, but entirely accept that they have their own lives to live. If they lived nearer, I suspect I would see them more often than this but I can't imagine it being more than once a week or so.

IthinkIamUndecided Fri 02-Sep-11 11:11:56

My parents are dead and DH's parents are divorced and live a couple of hours drive from us - in opposite directions. We probably see them five times each a year. We never stay over at FILs and rarely at MILs. Nor do they stay with us. I like them but am ready for them to leave at six eight thirty.

What I find interesting is that in over 20 years together DH has never wanted to visit them on his own or go out for a meal with them without me. If my mum was alive I'd love to do that.

IthinkIamUndecided Fri 02-Sep-11 11:14:50

To add, I would be very sad to think I might only see my DD every couple of months. Hope it would be weekly.

worldgonecrazy Fri 02-Sep-11 11:15:22

We see my parents nearly every day as they are DD's main carers whilst I'm at work. We sometimes see them at the weekends too. Even before the arrival of DD we went on 3 or 4 holidays with them. We all get on well and the cost of shared accommodation was cheaper so it made sense.

My MiL sadly died this year and we didn't see her as much as we would have liked to, probably about once a fortnight, though towards the end we did try and get around every weekend. Strange as we didn't know it was 'towards the end'. We try and see FiL (who is divorced from MiL) about once a month but he is often busy at weekends so we do struggle.

knittynoodle Fri 02-Sep-11 11:16:21

Im thinking that too Undecided. Although I think if DS was parking his bum on my sofa every day after he'd had his own kids, I might find it tedious.

Id be very happy with weekly I think.

PeanutGallery Fri 02-Sep-11 11:18:08

"DP's family dont actually seem to get along at all. They spend alot of time bitching about each other and their cousins."

Nah, that is the true sign of a close family grin.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Fri 02-Sep-11 11:22:02

I wouldn't/couldn't go along with that . . . dinner there twice a week! Plus your own mum once a week. When do you get time for anything else?! Do you have children?

I see mine once a fortnight probably, sometimes a bit more depending.

AMumInScotland Fri 02-Sep-11 11:25:22

We see mine about once a month I suppose - sometimes more sometimes less. And DH sees his mum and sister a few times a year, sometimes alone sometimes with me and DS - but they are the other end of the country so its not easy.

I don't think there's any one right answer - families are all different, and what seems fine and normal to one is weird to others.

GrownUpNow Fri 02-Sep-11 11:29:43

I don't see my dad at all, he's in a different country.

My mother and I were close, but I am drifting apart from her as she has some personality issues that clash with mine and for my own well-being I am taking a step away and enjoying contact on my own terms.

My sister and I are close, but we can go weeks without more than a facebook message, she is young and at university, I am nearing thirty and have children, so it's just different schedules and lives.

My cousin with her son lives just around the corner, I try to have contact with her once a week and have the kids play together, and soon we will see each other daily as our children will start the same nursery.

My other cousin I rarely see, she's finished uni and is travelling round and about doing studenty things. Family get togethers are about the only time.

My uncle is the same, family get togethers only.

My older uncle stopped contact with us all when my Auntie and my Granny died.

cjbartlett Fri 02-Sep-11 11:30:35

2 or 3 weekends a year

Gonzo33 Fri 02-Sep-11 11:31:23

We see my parents 3/4 times a year. When we lived in the same country we saw each other once a week/once every two weeks. PIL we haven't seen in over a year now, but when in the same country we saw them once every couple of months and that was enough for both of us.

When we go back we will see my parents less because we will live further away than we did and see his maybe once a month instead of once every couple.

I am an only child and only grandchild, so do feel the pressure that I should see more of them

eurochick Fri 02-Sep-11 11:33:12

We see my parents once every 2 to 3 weeks, for a few hours at the weekend. They live about a half hour drive from us.

My husband's parents live in Ireland so we visit them or they visit us less freqently. We probably see his mum twice a year and his dad and partner about 3-4 times a year.

eurochick Fri 02-Sep-11 11:33:59

Gonzo, I am also an only child and only grandchild (on both sides). I have never met one before!

Kveta Fri 02-Sep-11 11:34:33

we get an hour 2 or 3 times a year when dad considers it convenient. mum would love to spend more time with DS, and we try to skype once a week - but again, if dad is around, we are lucky to get 10 minutes before he starts huffing and puffing about how busy and important he is. and how DS is interrupting him/being rude/talking over him etc etc hmm DS is 2 this month btw... my younger sister and I chat all the time on fb or skype, but we are in different countries so don't see each other in person much at all. other sister, once or twice a year for an hour is enough for all of us. brother chats via facebook a bit, but he can't be bothered with all his sisters really!

with FIL, we get 1-2 weeks a year where we stay with him, and DH calls him once a fortnight. BIL, DH will occasionally email.

mumblechum1 Fri 02-Sep-11 11:35:00

3 or 4 times a year, for 2 or 3 days at a time (my parents), maybe once a year I'll see my sister & her family.

See dh's mum and brother maybe once every 3 years.

That's normal to me.

Lougle Fri 02-Sep-11 11:35:33

We see my parents almost every day, and have lunch with them, but there is no pressure to do so, if one of us has conflicting plans.

PIL live in France, so only see them once or twice a year.

mumblechum1 Fri 02-Sep-11 11:36:01

(we're hundreds of miles away from all our family btw but they're all geographically close to one another so see each other frequently)

TheMonster Fri 02-Sep-11 11:37:56

About three times a year for a couple of days at a time. We live a couple of hundred miles away.

However, my brother lives 5 mins away from them and sees them about once a week.

FigsAndWine Fri 02-Sep-11 11:39:25

Wow; I really couldn't spend that much time with anyone apart from DP and DD!

I'm very close to my mum emotionally; she rings me most days and I think bloody hell what does she want now! am happy to chat. But she and DSF live 150 miles away so we only see them four or five times a year. They have DD for holidays two or three times a year. We see my MIL every month or two, staying a night each time. BIL & SIL come too, usually, so we see them as well. MIL lives 25 miles away so we could see her more often, I guess, it just doesn't occur to me! I enjoy seeing her and being there, but wouldn't want to do it every week or two.

I can't imagine that DD will be coming home weekly once she's an adult, probably because I don't expect that we'll live in the same place. There've been in excess of 100 miles between my DM and me since I was 18, and my DF was living thousands of miles away when he died.

PrimaBallerina Fri 02-Sep-11 11:39:25

Agree with peanut, they bitch because they see each other often enough to get on their nerves.

I'm on mat leave so see my parents about 3 times per week, because they live close by and are retired. I see MIL every weekend as she works.

To echo undecided I'd be gutted to think I wouldn't see DS all the time when he's older (but he's a cute baby and hasn't annoyed me yet grin).

BabyDubsEverywhere Fri 02-Sep-11 11:41:26

My Dad lives/works in france but he comes back at least once a month, usually twice and spends 3/4 days with us each visit. Wish he lived round the corner so i could see him every couple of days. He would love to see us every day, we speak lots inbetween visits with facebook/phone.

My Mom lives in Spain and visits twice a year, if that. Wish she lived round the corner so i could see her every couple of days. (If Im honest, she doesnt actually give a shit thoughsad )

My Elder Sis lives in Dubai, she comes back every few months for a week. Wish she lived round the corner so i could see her every couple of days.

I see my (adult) niece and my little sis every few days and talk daily on phone/facebook. We all have kids the same ages so its nice to get them together too.

Funny thing is before everyone moved away it would be weeks without seeing anyone anyway, dont know what you've got until its gone though eh!

MumblingRagDoll Fri 02-Sep-11 11:42:44

I speak to my Mum on the phone at least once day....she calls here about 3 times a week as I can't drive and she lives 7 miles away.

If I lived near her I would go daily...I like her company!

Fo0ffyShmoofer Fri 02-Sep-11 11:44:46

We spend 3 hours on a Sunday with my Mum, Saturday tea and she comes to us for tea one evening a week. When Dad was a live it was the same. I see my Sis whenever she is around (travels with work).

PILs pissed off out of lives 5 years ago,it's like they dropped off the planet and that's just fine with us.

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