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to have no idea how to go about collecting this (ahem) poo sample

(19 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Fri 02-Sep-11 09:17:37

Waited til after breakfast to post this!! I've somehow managed to hit this point in my life without ever having to give a poo sample. Yay, me. Now, however, I have to give not one but FOUR!!! Tiny little tubes, a bit like test-tubes with lids and little scoopers... But do I put down newspaper? Buy a cat litter tray?? I'm all armed with my rubber gloves and dettol spray but no idea how I'm going to get anything, uncontaminated, out of me and into these tubes. Times 4. Any hints??? Sorry for TMI blush

Kladdkaka Fri 02-Sep-11 09:21:15

Old icecream box, throw it away afterwards.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Fri 02-Sep-11 09:22:36

Sit further forward than usual and do it on the slopey part of the loo bowl, then scoop. Have to admit to giggling!

LunaticIsOnTheGrass Fri 02-Sep-11 09:22:55

You could try going in a potty. I had to take samples for my MIL who I cared for, but she used a commode.

Or perhaps a colander in the toilet bowl if you can't go on a potty. Obviously you would have to replace the colander afterwards but it should work.

emeraldgirl1 Fri 02-Sep-11 09:22:57

ahhhh... kladdaka - thank you. Also has bonus that I can legitimately finish up tub of ice-cream beforehand... smile

JenAT Fri 02-Sep-11 09:23:38

My advice would be to put some toilet paper into the toilet bowl first, and try to line it IYSWIM, then do your poo ,and scrape it off top of toilet paper with handy little scoop and straight into sample bottle. Have fun grin

emeraldgirl1 Fri 02-Sep-11 09:24:05

lunaticisonthegrass - thanks - might nip round to my sister's and pinch one of my nephew's potties smile

emeraldgirl1 Fri 02-Sep-11 09:25:15

JenAT - thank you - that is actually what the dr said but I'm having difficulty doing it that way (no idea what's wrong with me!!!) God, this is a lovely way to spend a Friday morning when I have a deadline for work!!

TabithaTwitchet Fri 02-Sep-11 09:34:00

Put clingfilm under the loo seat (not stretched too tight). (That's what I did, arse not pert enough to sit on a potty grin)

youarekidding Fri 02-Sep-11 09:34:53

I put DS potty in the loo when I had to do this. grin

I have to admit to pooing fine, but the scooping was vile and I vomited into my sample and had a potty full of shit and sick, and then had to do it all again.

Not my finest hour. grin

Best of luck and I hope all OK.

PervyMuskrat Fri 02-Sep-11 09:51:03

Agree with Tabitha, cling film is the easiest way. Just remember to put it down only when you need to use it, otherwise other toilet users may get a nasty surprise!

TalesOfTheUnexpected Fri 02-Sep-11 09:53:23

All good ideas! What a creative bunch.

The main thing I was told when having to do a poo sample was not to get it contaminated with toilet water. So, yep, shit in a tub, potty, whatever....but don't get it wet. I was told not to pee on it too blush

NUFC69 Fri 02-Sep-11 10:07:51

Welcome to the life of a grandma! When you get to be 60 you get sent those little parcels every two years. (And, if you are like me, after you have completed one lot of the wretched things, they decide that the result isn't clear and then send you another set - and oh, because you had one "unclear" set, they decide they would like you to do another one so that you end up doing it again!)

I did get quite adept at doing it in the end - started to feel it "come", if you see what I mean, then sat up slightly and caught it in a biiiig piece of loo roll.

Must admit I never thought about the cling film thing - no doubt the envelope will come again next year so I'll try it then.

winemakesmeclever Fri 02-Sep-11 10:24:08

Buy a big tub of yogurt, empty it out, wash it out, poo in it, do what's necessary, tip poo into toilet, flush, wash tub, place in recycling, pretend that what had just happened, didn't. That worked for me.

emeraldgirl1 Fri 02-Sep-11 10:41:38

thanks everyone - have been having some success with a copy of a newspaper (Daily Mail, possibly appropriately?!) spread over top of loo... 2 samples down, 2 to go!!

TenMinutesLate Fri 02-Sep-11 10:44:31

My GP friend is always amazed by how much poo gets delivered....some sample pots are fit to bursting - word to the wise; they only need a little bit :-)

So pleased I read this thread, I'm sure this advice will come in handy in later years!

Pakdooik Fri 02-Sep-11 10:45:59

You could go to Germany for a weekend and use one of their toilet bowls were the poo looks at you befor being flushed away.

CroissantNeuf Fri 02-Sep-11 10:48:37

I can't quite believe that I've just sat and read this when I don't really need to know this information (and hopefully never will!) confused

Totally unrelated to getting it in there, but my dad had to do a sample once, and he took it into the drs, plonked it down on the receptionists desk and announced in a loud voice, "I've brought my bottle of shit in for the dr!" half the waiting room were trying not to piss themselves and the other half were looking rather disgusted grin

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