To be pissed of at my sister, is she taking the piss or what?

[PlatonicMitten]

She has stayed at a flat in our fathers house during the summer. She left at the beginning of August. She knew me and my family were due to move into the same flat on the 29th, as a temporary stop between leaving our house and moving to London.

So, we got there in the evening with all our stuff, and I found the following.

1. No space for our belongings. She has left quite a lot of mess. I did not expect her to move out of the wardrobes, as she stays quite regularly, but she had not cleared away any space for our clothes, shoes, etc.
   

1. The fridge was full of her food she had not bothere disposing of. So rather than me just putting our food into the fridge, I had to start clearing away mouldy cauliflowers, fruit, etc.
   

1. She had left me empty food tins, and plastic to sort for recycling. The tins has to be dropped at the nearest refuse center.
   

1. She had left a sackload of coke bottles to take back to the shop for recycling (we are in norway so recycling is different)
   

1. There were no space in the storage room for our food stuff, as rather than keeping it tidy, she had just used it to store empty containers, etc.
   

1. The bathroom shelves were full of her stuff, make up and shampoo.
   

1. The bins had not been emptied.
   

1. She had left her laundry, such as towels, bedlinen, clouses, underwear, bras, for my dads homenurse to deal with (and my father got a telling off)
   

1. She had left empty wine bottles for me to take to the refuse center.
   

10. She had left out of date cereals in the kitchen cupboards.


so I was really disappointed.

I did not say anything, I was too busy sort all of the above out.

Because we are all going to come here for Christmas, and we are four, and she is just her and her 16 year old dd, we decided that my family should stay in the flat downstairs, and she and her dd would stay in the loft. The loft has a single bedroom, a toilet with washbasin, and a large living room.
Dh and I were busy trying to furnish the bedroom, and put a bed for her dd into the room. We discovered that we needed to dismantle the wardrobe to get the bed in, so I called my sister to ask whether she thought her dd could sleep in the living room, or if she thought we should dismantle the wardrobe to give space for a bed for her.

She told me off for calling and interupting her physiotherapy session. How on earth should she be able to make such a decision on a moments notice. She said she would have a think and call me back.

She phones me back, and says she thinks it will devalue the house if we remove the wardrobe . So, she prefers to stay in the room on her own, and her dd can sleep in the living room connected to the basement flat. (How convenient for her, seeing as she has a real struggle getting her dd to get off facebook and get to sleep. So now she wanted to just swan off to bed, and let dh and me deal with our two young children, and having her teen staying in the room next to our sons) I told her there were really very little space in the living room, and it was not so convenient, what with my dh working nights on his pc in the living room, it would be disturbing them both.
So she said "You need to ask Father if dd can sleep on the sofa bed in his study". (Why is this MY problem to sort?) I told her she could ask him herself. She was really upset at this, and told her:

"Look, we will just have to sort out where your dd sleeps when we all get here at Christmas, I am really behind schedule having to clean up and tidy the flat before I can even place our own things. The kitchen cupboards were full of old dry foods, the fridge had rotten fruit and veg, the laundry room was full of your stuff, the bathroom shelves were full, and the storage room was filled with bottles, so I am having enough on my plate."

She started ranting at me "If you think I am going to spend my summerholidays tidying rubbish, you are wrong, and if you want to be a sourpuss go ahead, but if you think I am going to listen to this shit from you, you are also wrong. " and she hung up.

Then I got an email, going point by point explaining away all the issues, like, the food was MINE, she was GIVING it to me, she was being KIND. If I had wanted her to "move out" of the flat, I should have told her. And finally

"And now, sister dearest, please let me know if you have given OUR father YOUR version of events, or not".



I have not replied. I wont be drawn in to any nasty email exchange with her.

I am a doormat. I truly am. I have had my first ever real DOORMAT moment.

[DoingTheBestICan]

She sounds a right nobber,rise above it.

[PlatonicMitten]

I already told my dad, because he was upset at having been told off by the homenurses, and he saw my red and fuming face after she had ranted at me over the phone. He said it was very typical, and he had learnt to never expect anything but selfishness from her. I should not worry, and we would just leave sorting the sleeping arrangements till Christmas. Why should I work hard to make arrangements for her and her dd, when she had done nothing to prepare for OUR coming to use the house. He can be quite a sensible old man.

[Stormwater]

Sounds like you both love a bit of drama. Chill out, take stuff to the dump, move in, enjoy. Don't wind up your sister, and don't worry about Christmas until nearer the time.

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

Sort the available accomodation out to suit yourself and your family.

It's unlikely that dismantling a wardrobe will devalue a house and, presumably, it can be reinstated at a later date if necessary? Remove it and put an extra bed/mattress in the loft's bedroom or living room.

If you are moving to London in the near future, make sure that you book your return for Christmas so that you arrive at the house before your dsis.

[scrambedeggs]

1.she had not cleared away any space for our clothes, shoes, etc. why should she

1. She had left me empty food tins, and plastic to sort for recycling. The tins has to be dropped at the nearest refuse center. maybe she is like me and cba to recycle
   

1. She had left a sackload of coke bottles to take back to the shop for recycling (we are in norway so recycling is different) see above
   

1. The bathroom shelves were full of her stuff, make up and shampoo. she lives there, what do you expect
   

1. She had left empty wine bottles for me to take to the refuse center. see number 3
   

10. She had left out of date cereals in the kitchen cupboards. shrugs, so what. maybe she enjoys stale cereal


find somewhere else to live if you arent happy with the arrangement

[kelly2000]

Yes you are in the right, but there is no magic word you can use to change her into a less selfish person. She will remain convinced that unless people dance around her they are selfish and she is the put upon victim. Ignore her, and let her deal with her daughter at christmas, do not let her walk all over you.
If you want to annoy her, you could always put her laundry and recycling in the loft room for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then she might kill you all!!!!!!!!

[PlatonicMitten]

Scrambed, she does not live there. It is not her flat. Our grandmother used to live in this flat. I lived in it for a year a few years back. She has used it for summer holidays the last few years after I moved out.

Even if she doesnt like to recycle, she should have cleaned up after herself prior to going back to HER OWN HOME after her vacation. It is only polite.

Unless you are a slob, and it sounds like you are.

[PlatonicMitten]

Kelly, she probably would!

[CurrySpice]

I certainly wouldn't be spending any time worrying about where her DD will sleep at Christmas

(although tbh if someone called me on 1 Sept asking for an immediate answer about Christmas sleeping arrangement s I might be a bit rolly eyed )

The rest of her behaviour is totally U

[PlatonicMitten]

I see what you mean, but I only tried to deal with it early because she and I had discussed it a few days before. And at the time, I had two strong men in the house ready to tackle said wardrobe. We are moving out on monday, so have very little time to deal with things.

But I wont bother. I will leave it up to her to sort herself out, regardless of how inconvenient it will be for her to start tackling it just upon arrival. That is what she just did to me. She could easily have cleared up after herself, after staying her 3 months. But she chose to let ME deal with the rubbish she left behind.

{shrugs}

[CurrySpice]

I absolutely agree OP and I know whay you called her now - I wasn't criticising at all

But I think you're right. Let her sort herself and her DD out like she expects you and your family to.

In fact, I'd be tempted to save all her recycling and mouldy food and leave it in a big pile on her bed to deal with when she arrives