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to expect xp to mention ds??

(10 Posts)
JillyArmeen Wed 31-Aug-11 21:58:13

xp has bogged off abroad over 4 months ago not seen or spoke to 2yo ds the whole time. ds still remembers him and talks about him but had 2 messages over the weekend both without mention of ds! maybe i am being unreasonable as i know what a feckless idiot he is. so angry i want to tell him what a shit dad he is but so far have just ignored. also what do i tell ds??starting to think i should just let him forget about his sorry excuse for a father. not sure if he is ever coming back to have a relationship with ds i have never limited contact but wonder if i should?

JillyArmeen Wed 31-Aug-11 22:21:07

i know telling him wont achieve anything for my ds but might make me feel better

troisgarcons Wed 31-Aug-11 22:24:07

And you expect a 2yo to realise you are venting?

JillyArmeen Wed 31-Aug-11 22:27:51

i dont slag ex off in front of my ds. i mean tell xp what a wanker he is being. so angry that he just doent seem to give a crap

exoticfruits Wed 31-Aug-11 22:33:02

You just have to tell xp-in private -when you are sure that DC can't hear.
You can't do it in front of ds-has has half his father in his makeup-it isn't a good message to give him. OK for you, but it is your DS who is the blood relative.

troisgarcons Wed 31-Aug-11 22:34:39

ooops blush apologies

JillyArmeen Wed 31-Aug-11 22:39:37

i get that which is why i never say anything bad about his dad in front of him. he will realise for himself when he gets older. kind of know its a bad idea to be hurling abuse at xp but im so angry that he just lives his life without a thought for my beautiful ds who is missing out because of xp selfish behaviour. i want to tell him what a loser he is even tho i know it wont affect or change him, just might make me feel better.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Wed 31-Aug-11 23:27:52

my beautiful ds who is missing out because of xp selfish behaviour

Your ds is not goint to miss out just because his selfish twunt of a sperm donor is not in his life.

As long as your ds is not in earshot, feel free to tell your XP whatever you want, but you're best advised to save your breath and your energy because the minute he puts his phone down he'll be back in his self-centred little world

TheDreamWeaver Wed 31-Aug-11 23:42:44

As someone who has endured 10 years of an ex like yours I would not get involved, and not try to make this useless selfish waste of skin be a dad, because if he isn't actually interested, you'll be peeing in the wind for years to come. Let him make all the moves to contact your child, don't kick his arse to do the right thing when there's clearly something else he'd rather be doing.

I've chased my ex all over the place, and it's really hard work to get him to spend some time with my kids, but once he's forced into spending a couple of hours with them (where he just goes visiting his mates with them tagging along) they think he's bloody amazing when they come back full of his promises and lies. It drives me potty.

I would advise allowing any contact he wishes, but don't go chasing him. Keep a diary/copy of all contact from him for when ds wants to know what happened in the future.

JillyArmeen Fri 02-Sep-11 20:14:02

thanks for the advice. im ignoring him until he shows an interest i cant force him to care so why bother trying. just worried about the damage his not being here for ds or coming and going into his life will do. hard to know what to do for the best

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