A conservatory as a wedding present?

[OrganicFreeRangeBoys]

I've been invited to a wedding, a lovely couple who have been together quite a few years.

They have had a rough time with housing in the last couple of years but have recently moved into a lovely little house, even if it is a bit small.

For the wedding gifts they have written that as they have lived together a while they don't need any household items but if people wish to get them a gift they would really appreciate a small donation to their "conservatory fund"

Now I don't have a problem with this, it will give them more room to work with around their small kitchen/diner and it's something that I assume they will get good use out for many years to come.

Another friend, also invited, is outraged at "the cheek of it" and is insisting that she will buy them a set of cutlery to show them that she doesn't approve of their conservatory fund.

I honestly don't see the problem and think this friend is being childish and quite mean to a couple she is supposed to "best buds" with.

So who is BU? The wedding couple for asking for donations, the friend for being outraged/buying cutlery or me for not seeing a problem with it and thinking that this friend is actually being horrible and rude.

[SingingTunelessly]

So what they're really asking for is money? I don't have any problem with giving money/gift vouchers as a wedding present but I know there are a lot of people who seem to. So, errrr, I don't think anyone is BU.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I think it's a good idea... if I were the couple, I'd make a 'game' out it - Buy a pane of glass, some putty, a wooden frame, etc. :)

Also the couple could do a 'conservatory' party when it's all finished, a barbecue or something for all their wedding guests.

It's not as crass as asking for money, at least this is for a material thing that will bring the couple much pleasure.

[PhilipJFry]

I personally wouldn't have a problem with it. I think it's quite a sweet idea in a way: a lot of wedding presents are things designed for the home and this seems to be in the same spirit.

[Sirzy]

I would much rather give money towards something they want than give them something that would sit in a cupboard/go on ebay in a few years!

[CMOTdibbler]

Its the only time I'm happy to give money tbh, if there is a clear purpose for it, thats not a honeymoon

[Lizzylou]

Wish I'd thought of it!

It is a practical gift, if people feel that they really want to treat the couple then they are contributing towards something that they need and want.

The line that separates it from grasping and greedy is:
but if people wish to get them a gift they would really appreciate

[lachesis]

It's just another way of asking for money.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

I just don't care what people ask for as a wedding gift - cash/john lewis gift list/whatever.

So I'd have no problem with this at all.

[mummymccar]

I think your friend is being a bit unreasonable. Why buy them something they won't want? Isn't it just throwing money away? If she just wants to spend money for the sake of it then why not contribute to their fund? It's something they need afterall and isn't really asking for money. I really don't understand your friend's protest.

[chocoroo]

I think it's a great idea.

The only time I have ever raised an eyebrow at people asking for cash as a wedding gift was when the happy couple pointed out how expensive weddings are on the invite an asked for contributions.

Otherwise, I cannot understand why anyone would want to waste their money on a gift which is not wanted. Your friend is BU unless she has money to burn on joke gifts.

[LetThereBeRock]

I think it's rude,and it is asking for money,Mummymccar. They've asked for a donation towards their conservatory so presumably they're asking for cash/cheques and not magic beans.

I also hate the way couples say 'There's no need to get us a gift,but if you do want to get us a gift then we'd like XYZ...' Just ask for XYZ instead of pretending that you don't want anything. At least it'd be more honest.

[Birdsgottafly]

She is being unreasonable.

I am always pleased when cash gifts or vouchers are asked for, it saves having to choose a gift and makes sure that they get what they want.

[Sirzy]

Letthereberock perhaps they actually mean what they say?? Perhaps not everyone expects something from people all the time, but acknowledge that people LIKE to give something so give a sensible suggestion.

Anyway, I doubt "we would like a conservatory please" would have had many takers!

[GreatNorksOfFire]

Letthereberock, perhaps they are genuinely saying, please - we have everything. But if you would really like to get us something, then what we'd really like is help towards funding a conservatory to make our tiny house just a little bit bigger. Nothing wrong with that at all. And far better than receiving a load of crap cluttering up an already too small house.

Seems a fantastic request to me and OP, your friend is BU and quite bitchy in her attitude. You however sounds lovely.

[LetThereBeRock]

You can't say we don't want anything,then name something you would like. It makes no sense,even as a suggestion because you blatantly do want something i.e money towards a conservatory.

Still at least they didn't use one of those ghastly cutesy poems.

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

I don't see an issue with this. DP's friends got married a few years ago and asked for b&q vouchers or money so they could do up their garden so their kids could play in it. Perfectly understandable imo.

I did at DP's cousin asking for money for her 5 star honeymoon though. Mind you I was probably bitter as I couldn't afford (and still can't afford) a wet weekend in a leaky caravan. Ofcourse, if a guest didn't want to pay towards the honeymoon there was the option of "posh pots and pans, knife sets and nice plates etc. Again

[Lizzylou]

I disagree, Letthereberock, we had people begging for a wedding list/ideas of what we wanted for our wedding present, people honestly want to buy wedding presents.
Only on MN have I seen them called rude. And I'd rather my money went towards something that the couple really wanted, rather than something that'll languish on a shelf/in the attic/end up on Ebay.

[AuntiePickleBottom]

i am crap at buying gifts, so i like this idea.

better than waste money of items with couple will never use

[OrganicFreeRangeBoys]

Glad I'm not the only one who doesn't have a problem with this.

Friend is acting like they have asked for a 2 million pound mansion off each person!

The family don't mind either because they all seemed to descend on the couple every Christmas so next year they'll have a nice conservatory to sit in for the Christmas meal.

I'm now wondering if I should ask for B & Q vouchers at my wedding so I can redecorate my house.

[CheshireDing]

I think this sounds like a great idea, it's something specific, it will help them and it's something they want - they don't want cutlery that doesn't match what they already have in the drawer. I think your friend is being nasty in this instance.

I don't like the wedding lists with tat on from a department store (for example) but if it's what the couple want then I think guests should either go with it or get them something completely different, e.g. a specially labelled bottle of fancy bubbly.

What Lying says is a good idea too, you should suggest that to them.

[thefirstmrsrochester]

I would not have a problem with this - its practical & no different to asking for vouchers for a particular store.
As CMOT has already mentioned, the line is drawn at the guests being ask to gift the honeymoon/honeymoon experience.
Family member (2nd wedding) is considering asking her guests to donate to the honeymoon - 'fraid it will be a toaster for me.

[LetThereBeRock]

Why is being asked to donate to a honeymoon more offensive than being asked to donate to purchase a large and very expensive item such as a conservatory?

[Sirzy]

I wouldnt have a problem giving towards a honeymoon either.Better that they get the holiday of a lifetime rather than another set of pans!

[learningtofly]

We asked for vouchers and money towards furniture if people wanted to give gifts as we had every day essentials. Some people close to us bought special things like engraved vases, glasses etc. In fairness it was easier for a lot of our guests as we moved our wedding forward by a year because my mum was dying and which left little time to organise a traditional list.

I can hand on heart list everything we bought with that money including the b and q vouchers!

[TidyDancer]

Oh I think this is icky, I've said so before. Asking for money is like charging an entry fee for your wedding, or being asked to pay for your meal at the reception. It's so tacky. Nothing should be included with the invitation that makes reference to presents anyway, according to etiquette.

Your friend is not being unreasonable, seems like she's uncomfortable with what she perceives to be a grabby attitude, you can't blame her for that.