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DH taking DD to NYC?

(2 Posts)
milamila Wed 31-Aug-11 02:02:49

DH is originally from the US and we'd been planning to go over next month to see his family. We got married three months ago and most of his relatives weren't able to attend so we'd been looking forward to it for quite a while. Also, good chance for 11 month old DD to bond with GPs. But I can't get the time off work. DH had already booked the week off so I suggested he go by himself and he said yeah, if he can take DD.

I said I'd think about it. I mean, I really don't want to be apart from her for a week but DHs parents haven't seen her in months. The problem really is that he's planning to visit his family for four days (in the south) then head to NYC for the rest of the week. He grew up in NYC and so has alot of extended family/friends who he wants to see and introduce DD. Okay, fine.

Backstory is that DH hasn't always had a good relationship with alcohol. I wouldn't go as far to say that he's ever been an alcoholic (but maybe I'm naive?) but when he drinks his behaviour becomes erratic and things just spiral into being a bit manic and out of control. It was simply put down to him being young and having too much (he's now mid-20s) but when I found out I was pregnant he got help and quit. He'd been sober for a few months and then he started to slip up but we always managed to get it back on track. His problem (I'm not making excuses for him, infact I'm asking if any of you might know how to stop this) is that he follows the crowd. If he's out and someone orders him a drink he'll drink it despite promising to stay sober. It might stop with one, it might not.

I definitely do not want to allow him to be in control of my DD when there's the possibility that one of his friends will offer him a drink and he'll take it and continue on. But then again he might refuse the drink and be a complete angel the entire time... but is it worth the risk?

I'm sorry this is so long (props to you of you read it all!) but I really just don't know what to do. I feel pressured into him taking her because of his parents not having seen her in so long. And I do trust him but my mind is on overdrive wondering about if it's the right thing or if he'll mess up.

jasper Wed 31-Aug-11 02:05:56

I see your dilema.
On the balance I think he should go with your DD with your blessing

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