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To ask if becoming a mum has made you see your dark side?

(76 Posts)
joannita Tue 30-Aug-11 23:12:59

Just wondered if anyone else has realised they aren't as good a person as they thought since having a baby. Did you think you were patient and easygoing only to find you had a shorter fuse than most? Did you think you were organised only to descend into chaos? Does this stuff happen to everyone or is it just me?

AgentZigzag Tue 30-Aug-11 23:15:32

I've found the total opposite to what you describe.

I've broken out of my darker side, found I have patience and a much longer fuse than I ever thought possible.

How old are your DC?

joannita Tue 30-Aug-11 23:16:17

ds is is 20 months. Glad it can happen in reverse!

AgentZigzag Tue 30-Aug-11 23:17:52

My DD2 is 20 months as well smile

Go with the flow, just go with the flow grin

It'll all work itself out (got a 10 YO too and it really does in the end).

PegPolkadot Tue 30-Aug-11 23:21:00

I would give Darth Vader a run for his money. My DS's are 8,5 and 2. Every now and then I am told to stop doing my 'angry face'. They are usually the cause of the angry face......

DuelingFanjo Tue 30-Aug-11 23:26:03

It's made me realise how irritable I am.

Cheeseandharps Tue 30-Aug-11 23:28:39

Same experience as AgentZigzag - I'm far more patient than I thought I'd be. I am a perfect mother though wink

AgentZigzag Tue 30-Aug-11 23:31:40

Oh yes cheesey, me too <ahem> grin

budgieshell Tue 30-Aug-11 23:41:42

My 8 year old said to me the other day "mummy are you in one of your moods" I replied "No I'm not, sweetheart daddy's at work today".

All the time in the world for the DC but not for DH.

AgentZigzag Tue 30-Aug-11 23:44:43

'My 8 year old said to me the other day "mummy are you in one of your moods" I replied "No I'm not, sweetheart daddy's at work today".'

hehe, love that grin

AfternoonDelight Tue 30-Aug-11 23:45:19

I have a much shorter fuse than I thought I did - I'm terrified I'm going to turn into my mother (who I always thought of as the "shouty one" as opposed to my father's easy going nature)


HipHopOpotomus Wed 31-Aug-11 00:00:45

I've learnt I'm much more patient than I thought too.

I've also learnt that the world is a much better place if we ALL get enough sleep.

wotabouttheworkers Wed 31-Aug-11 00:06:29

Haven't had a full night's sleep for 25 years, ever since my eldest was born. Short fuse? What fuse? Just internalise it all, try my best to remain calm despite what I feel inside. Have a theory that's why I suffer badly from a skin disorder i.e. stress.

greencolorpack Wed 31-Aug-11 00:09:37

I found a much more assertive side since having my first child. I remember telling people off for smoking next to me at bus stops when I was pregnant. Something I would never have done before. Also if I'm on a train and people are listening to loud music I will turn round and have words with them, while everyone else sits there looking terrified. It's always ended well (so far). People know they're in the wrong and tend to look sheepish.

For some reason I never did this before having kids.

joannita Wed 31-Aug-11 10:34:28

I kill insects now without feeling guilty! Ha ha! I used to release earwigs into the wild. Now I squish them. I reckon as I've given life it's OK to take it! That's terrible isn't it?

bigeyes Wed 31-Aug-11 10:41:10

It hink becomming a parent causes you to evaluate who you are, int he process of teaching your child values etc, and sometimes you realise you need to practice some of them more often.

I think I could be more patient - but then how many times is reasonable to ask a five yr old to put there socks on before you get annoyed, Im sure the childless neighbours think i am a monster.

freybean Wed 31-Aug-11 10:41:17

i like that logic joannita

i'e become a lot more laid back since having dd

BurningBridges Wed 31-Aug-11 10:45:36

I have become a MONSTER!! Yep, definitely dark side I'm afraid.

FrameyMcFrame Wed 31-Aug-11 10:50:39

I've found the reverse too but mainly because I was absolutely shite before I had my DC, utterly disorganised, selfish and lazy. My character has improved immeasurably since becoming a parent, best thing I could have done to kick myself up the backside grin

biddysmama Wed 31-Aug-11 10:59:34

im a very laid back person, hardly ever get angry etc but my 9 year old know exactly what buttons to press!!!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Wed 31-Aug-11 11:17:36

I've become more organised and better and time keeping, just because I had to!

I have realised though that I have no patience, a horrendous temper and really need my space!

YouDoTheMath Wed 31-Aug-11 11:20:31

I found my dark side when I met my DH.

Since becoming a mother I have found a lighter side, I think.

Don't know about anyone else but since having children, if there's something nasty in the news or even something horrible in a film (i.e. certain types of violence) I can't stomach it like I used to. And bad things play on my mind a lot more.

Insomnia11 Wed 31-Aug-11 11:28:45

I was always aware of my dark side. Come to the dark side, we have cookies smile

OK, I had never had my patience/ability to perform daily tasks on zero sleep/multitasking tested to the extent it has been since I had kids. I have seen a dark, angry side of myself - frankly I had seen it before, but physical privations can make it worse.

But, as others have said, having kids also makes you vulnerable, sentimental, more soft-hearted. I'm far more sympathetic, empathetic and less judgemental than I used to be, but I wonder how much of that is down to age/maturity and how much is unique to being a parent?

I'm basically still the same person I was as a child though.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay Wed 31-Aug-11 11:31:09

I discovered I did in fact have balls (metaphorically speaking grin)
I was always a bit meek and wimpy before children I think. Then I had four..and number four is disabled and in order for him to be the best he can be I have learned to stand up for HIS rights, to fight for his needs and along the way I have lost my fear of what people may think of me! He has also made me a LOT more patient!

I have become organised, and something of a micro manager I suspect blush which I needed. I've also learned that it's ok not to be or I've learned utter, unconditional love ..which has been well and truly tested with mine all being teens now.

On the flip side I don't think I swore before I had kids blush and I can be THE most unreasonable woman on the planet !

GooseyLoosey Wed 31-Aug-11 11:35:59


I have realised I am not a patient person and not tolerant of difference. Dd drives me nuts and I just cannot get the way that she thinks and it causes friction between us.

Ds has had problems making friends and is often the only child not invited to parties. As in many ways he is very like me, this has forced me to consider what about him or me may cause this. This has affected me badly.

I have also discovered I am far too introspective and should stop gazing at my own navel (or indeed ds's) and embrace the good things rather than the negative.

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