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to trust my 11 year old dd

(10 Posts)
smithy24 Tue 30-Aug-11 12:11:59

My eldest daughter's secondary school goes back a day later than my other childrens primary. She does not wish that I arrange any childcare for her that day, as she would like to get some reading done at home in peace and quiet. I work mornings and would be away from the house for just under 5 hours. My neighbour is retired, at home, and happy to be a 'safety net' in case she needs anything, as are her grandparents in the next village. She is a responsible girl and I feel that she would cope well and appreciate that she has been allowed take responsibility for herself. However, her father has decided that she should not be allowed to, on the basis that he once read something on directgov saying that under 12's should not be left alone. Presumably someting magical happens overnight on their 12th birthday to suddenly make them more responsible...

AIBU to disagree with him?

YANBU - your d sounds like a mature girl and there is the neighbour in case she needs anything....I could be wrong but I dont think there is a legal age - I think as long as you know they are sensible enough to be left alone and as long as she is a mature 11 she will be fine.

squeakytoy Tue 30-Aug-11 12:14:25

He is wrong, you are right, and yes of course she should be absolutely fine on her own for a few hours. I would be more worried about an 11yo that wasnt able to cope for a short time on her own, and her father should be pleased that he has an independant confident child.

BeStillMyBeatingFart Tue 30-Aug-11 12:14:28

If there's someone next door and people on the end of the phone then I should think she'd be okay.

However, you'll know yoour daughter better than anyone, it's up to you.

We need time to ourselves (children included) and I reckon it would do her her good to know you trust her.

smile

ragged Tue 30-Aug-11 12:19:07

You're talking about one day? One morning? Of course I'd leave her for that.
There are lots of websites saying X Y or Z about what age to leave them at home alone (14 is the most commonly cited number, and seems to be the rule of thumb that Social Services work to, but it is only their internal guideline, not a law). There is no definitive rule (legally) The truth is that if someone reports you to SS, then SS will tell you not to do it, but they have no teeth; SS would have to establish that you left her at risk to take it any further.

worraliberty Tue 30-Aug-11 12:20:16

What Squeaky said

I also, would be more worried about a child (without SN) who couldn't cope with being alone for that amount of time.

Ladymuck Tue 30-Aug-11 12:22:42

Well you're NBU for thinking that your dd can be left at home at that age. But you are going to have to work out a way to reach agreement with her father unless he doesn't have parental responsibility.

Madlizzy Tue 30-Aug-11 12:24:37

I'd leave her. Once they're in secondary school, they need some independence.

penguin73 Tue 30-Aug-11 12:30:46

I have always done this since DS started secondary as he always goes back the day after me - he is now going into Y10 so this will be the tenth time and it has always been fine. My only caveat is that he is awake before I leave, has his phone charged and on and has a 'safety net' (family, neighbours etc). I would do it - would her father be appeased by knowing the neighbour is keeping an eye on her?

smithy24 Tue 30-Aug-11 12:46:41

Thanks everyone, I was beginning to doubt my judgement!

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