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Am I being a bit prudish, or is this overstepping the mark?

(19 Posts)
NewbeeMummy Tue 30-Aug-11 11:38:14

We have a local group of families that we socialise with, as I'm sure you all do, and recently I've been feeling a bit iffy about the behaviour of one of the fathers towards me.

On the last two occasions we've all met up, at the start and the end of the gathering he's kissed me on the lips, now I tend to do air kisses with most people, and come from a cultural background where we don't do kisses on the lips to anyone except your partner and maybe your children when they're very, very young, and to be honest we don't really do hugging either so I'm happy to be told I'm over reacting. But I really don't know if this is normal or not?

We're a very mixed group, with people originally from all over Europe, Africa and the US, so I'm not sure if maybe it's more common practice in some cultures than others.

So I'm not accused of BU by stealth, I also wanted to add that at the last gathering he also patted me on the bum, not a grope nor did it linger, and it seemed to be in context with the general light hearted mood, but I thought I may as well mention it now.

We've only known each other about a year, we've probably see each other as part of the group, 6-8 times, but we have a good laugh and take the piss out of each other, quite frequently

So is this normal, am I being a bit of a prude, or is he being overly friendly?

Empusa Tue 30-Aug-11 11:40:19

Overly friendly

biddysmama Tue 30-Aug-11 11:41:20

i wouldnt be impressed if anyone but my husband or children purposly kissed me on the lips! i can understand the ones that start as an air kis but you bump and kiss accidentaly lol

cyb Tue 30-Aug-11 11:41:23

Over friendly

My mates H is a real bear hugger, which I dont like

So I proffer a hand for a hand shake now and thats it

steamedtreaclesponge Tue 30-Aug-11 11:42:36

Overly friendly. Patting on the bum is definitely not acceptable unless you are a horse.

BeerTricksPotter Tue 30-Aug-11 11:44:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneOfTheBoys Tue 30-Aug-11 11:46:33

Over friendly.

Just like this with you or with all female acquaintances?

Ick. Next time he moves in for a kiss, turn your head pointedly. And glare at him if he dares to pat your arse. Or, alternatively, cup his balls in response.

ConstanceNoring Tue 30-Aug-11 11:48:31

I don't like on the mouth kisses from anyone but DH, but it is considered normal by other families I know.

I would next time turn your check he lunges in tries it, he should accept that some do some don't and you're not a lip kisser.

As far as the pat on the bum goes, - you said yourself it was in context of the mood so I would say maybe he's just tactile? - I personally can't hear any alarms going off just yet.

Having said that it's a long time since anyone's grabbed my bum - I don't know what I'd think grin probably enjoy it a bit

troisgarcons Tue 30-Aug-11 11:49:16

If it's any help, which it won't be, in Slavic cultures, men kiss each other on the lips in greeting.

A lot of my husbands friends lip-kiss their friends wives. I don't personally have issue with it.

upahill Tue 30-Aug-11 11:50:27

Definatly over friendly!

Avoid this man!

LucyRaggyDoll Tue 30-Aug-11 11:52:47

Whether it's too far or not, if you're not comfortable, you don't have to put up with it.

I wouldn't make an issue of it, but would tell my DH and try and figure it so that he says goodbye to him, not me. I'd get my coat or bend to get my handbag and wave instead! Or, v effective, when they come at you for the embrace, take a step back and put your hand out to shake. Only do it a few times and he'll get the message.

chill1243 Tue 30-Aug-11 11:53:51

I think kissing on the lips is in a more didgy category than cheeks or hugs.
I do mean facial cheeks.

JodieHarsh Tue 30-Aug-11 11:55:33

I think the point is how you feel about it.

Regardless of whether it's 'normal' in his culture, yours, or anyone else's, if you don't like it, then it shouldn't be happening.

chill1243 Tue 30-Aug-11 12:04:26

thats true Jodie.

A female broadcaster once gave me a tremndous hug. She kept control by
keeping her arms low on mine. It was clearly a technique she used often.

It amused me.

AnotherJaffaCake Tue 30-Aug-11 12:04:40

If you don't feel comfortable with it tell him so. I know I wouldn't.

NewbeeMummy Tue 30-Aug-11 12:06:28

Thanks all, i think I'll try the cheek swerve, I tried that the last time, but he went for the same side, but I think I'll make more of a point of it next time.

Think I'll also try not standing anywhere near him when we say our goodbyes or hello's in future too.

Gay40 Tue 30-Aug-11 12:14:40

I don't really like such things either. I've invented rather elaborate ruses to get out of any goodbye rituals.

worraliberty Tue 30-Aug-11 12:17:59

Over friendly

YABU for doing air kisses by the way

<shudders>

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