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AIBU and overly feminist to have been narked at this mans behaviour.

(67 Posts)
redderthanred Tue 30-Aug-11 09:42:58

Back from a long weekend camping, went to the same site earlier this year and the man on the reception/welcome desk did the same then. I made no comment then, but this time i was very pissed off ( probably not helped by the rain, thunder and lightening)

Som Despite it being me, both times to call and book, despite it being me who booked in and paid both times, despite me being with no male ( one male in the whole 3 tent camping party) The man behind the desk still hand wrote the bill to MR redderthanred.

Fucks me off.

My stepdad - the only male in the party, thought it was funny i was narked, ,my mother understood.

So - AIBU, and should i say something next time, or will that just make me look like a loon.
( if camping in thunder storms hasnt already marked me as one)

squeakytoy Tue 30-Aug-11 09:44:08

You sound like you like to find offence where none is meant.

UsingMainlySpoons Tue 30-Aug-11 09:47:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redderthanred Tue 30-Aug-11 09:48:58

you think?

But to twice have written MR redderthanred, when he has never spoken to mr redderthanred ( because im divorced) and there is a woman standing in front of him, and he still writes it... than no offence is meant?

redderthanred Tue 30-Aug-11 09:50:24

But it has happened twice, same man, same thing.

It bugs me that the assumption is that there is a MR who will be paying and ' in charge, head of the household' type thing. Especially when i was standing in front of him when i wrote it.

Theala Tue 30-Aug-11 09:50:52

Overly feminist? No. That kind of shit* pisses me off too. I would have to make some comment - in a jokey way - just to highlight his ridiculous assumption.

*see also: bills addressed to Mr. Theala, when I'm the one that sets them up and pays them, the bill in the restaurant being automatically handed to Mr., him being listed on the car insurance as "the head of the family", etc, etc. Grrr.

LadyFlumpalot Tue 30-Aug-11 09:51:40

I wouldn't have thought so TBH, I booked into a hotel last year for the weekend and the hotel sent out a welcome pack addrressed to Lord and Lady Flumpalot. I just thought it was funny and joked to OH (not married) that it was a good job I was taking him, not some weekend fling!

WreckaJones Tue 30-Aug-11 09:51:58

Did you just not say to him "Oh gosh do I really look like a man? Is it my whiskers? The bald spot? The well-hidden penis?" and see what he says.

Or just start wailing that the sex-change drugs aren't working and slump to a mascara drizzled heap in reception until he feels able to recognise you aren't actually a man.

troisgarcons Tue 30-Aug-11 09:55:26

I remember once when buying a new kitchen the (young) salesman asked me if 'I'd like to bring my husband along to OK the purchase' - I merely told him I'd bring mine if he'd bring his grin

I don't know why people let this sortof issues fester and escalate in their minds. Why didn't you just ask for the bill to be redrafted in the correct name? Sounds simple enough to me.

It would have rankled me if it had has 'Ms on it.

SquidgyBiscuits Tue 30-Aug-11 09:56:12

Or when someone gets your name wrong on bills and invoices you could ask them to correct it. It's a bit radical, I know.

ConstanceNoring Tue 30-Aug-11 09:56:22

The garage where I take my car does this - they have only ever seen me from purchase through every MOT, service etc. When I take it in they say 'who shall we 'phone when it's done?' grin every time....

It doesn't annoy me it amuses me.

Let it go.

SquidgyBiscuits Tue 30-Aug-11 09:58:02

And unless you select a gender, which often People don't, with a computerised system it will default to Mr.

Red2011 Tue 30-Aug-11 09:58:37

I find that sort of thing irritating too. Personally, I'd have crossed out or amended "Mr" to suit my title of choice.

BranchingOut Tue 30-Aug-11 10:02:31

This sort of thing irritates me too. I think it is important to correct it as it happens.

On a slightly different note. We went to buy a new car recently and at the showroom were giving a model (a large family car) the once over. I was clearly involved in the purchase and was asking quite a few questions, but the salesperson was directing most of the dialogue to my husband.

We were looking in the boot and I asked whether the spare tire was under the cover at the bottom of the boot. The salesperson replied no, that the car had run-flats.

"Oh, alright" I said, nodding.

Cue salesperson (man) turning round to me and in his most patronising voice asking me if i knew what run flats were.

Cue me, in my most sarcastic voice, responding with a long, drawn-out "Yeeeeessss."

SiamoFottuti Tue 30-Aug-11 10:06:09

Why should you let it go? He might not actually intend offence, but he's still a stupid sexist twat. You see it all the time, recently I booked a table in a restaurant, in my name, I asked for the bill at the end, they handed it straight to the man opposite me. Like, hello, clearly I'm the one paying. hmm

He and others like him need to be challenged to stop doing this stupid shit.

Kladdkaka Tue 30-Aug-11 10:07:08

Annoys me too. We had our bathroom renovated recently and firm that did it and their staff were determined to work through my husband. Like the tiles I bought in for the floor, telling me they weren't the right quality when I knew they were and then asking my to check with my husband before they laid them. Or ringing him at work to ask whether he wanted x or y rather than asking me when I'm there on site. They'd be better off asking the cat.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions Tue 30-Aug-11 10:13:12

YANBU
I would say something. But then I don't mind people thinking I'm strident and a bit odd. My stridentness might make people think twice in the future...

redderthanred Tue 30-Aug-11 10:19:52

yeah, it wasnt a computerised system. he hand wrote it, while looking at me.

I should have said something there and then, next time i will.

Its just a little crazy that in 2011 its like this still/at all. Thank god i dont live in the 50's though, huh.

I think it also has a little to do with being divorced from a serviceman, who, when serving abroad, as a wife, you arent even allowed a library card of your own, it has to be in your husbands name.
Hated it when i was married, hate things like that more now im divorced.

bumbleymummy Tue 30-Aug-11 10:23:02

Why didn't you just say - "Actually it's Ms/Miss/Mrs <insert title of choice>redderthanred" and hand it back to him to change it. smile

pickgo Tue 30-Aug-11 10:24:14

I had to take 3 men on a business lunch a few months ago. The restaurant I chose and booked was one where I had been going to years and I knew the service was prompt and effecient.

The waiter continually ignored me, asking one of the men which table we wanted, were we having wine, ready for our dessert, coffee etc.. The men were so embarrassed and all remarked on it.

I just smiled and made light of it and was inwardly fuming.

Afterwards, after I'd paid, I rang the restaurant and really told them off. My boss (a man) also rang to complain.

Needless to say I will never ever go back there.

I think you need to challenge this sort of thing each and every time. It's important and not funny. It's prejudice. If I were ignored because I was black people would think it was shocking.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Tue 30-Aug-11 10:33:01

YANBU, I feel the same. I do that I'm sometimes over sensitive to it, where someone just happens to have talked to dp rather than me, if that makes sense.

TheMonster Tue 30-Aug-11 10:39:09

You shouldn't have paid because the bill wasn't made out to you grin

motherinferior Tue 30-Aug-11 10:41:22

I would be massively pissed off. I also get pissed off when people assume I'm a Mrs.

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 30-Aug-11 10:42:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Empusa Tue 30-Aug-11 10:58:51

It'd annoy me too. How the fuck could he sit there, looking at you, and still put down Mr?!

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