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AIBU to be concerned about this man?

(121 Posts)
gemdrop84 Sat 27-Aug-11 18:36:18

My mum has recently registered on a dating website a few wks ago, she has been single for a long time and has been receiving/sending emails to a man who she now says she is in love with. She gave me her password to look at some photos he sent of himself and she showed me a few emails, but it seems so odd and makes me feel uneasy. He is supposedly an american, army member and currently working in afghanistan. What seems odd to me is that every email he has sent has been very long, saying how much he loves her, wants to hold her, wants to live and love her for the rest of his life. Id be very scared if a man Id never met was saying such things after a couple of wks of emails! In some emails there are some sentences worded in very bad english. Shes so smitten. Also with his emails, she wrote that she has 3 kids,a grandchild&various other details about herself etc, I would've thought he would ask details, how old are they, do they still live at home, what pets does she have etc but he hasnt. All his emails are so generic and they dont seem to respond to her msgs, if that makes sense. I dont want her to get hurt and she was telling me today he is due leave at the end of sept, although he's not sure how much he'll have and wants to meet up with her. Also been on msn msging each other at night and apparently he wants to buy a house with her now! Any advice on how to handle this would be great, I really dont want her to get hurt, sorry for the length, thanks ladies.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 27-Aug-11 18:38:16

It's a scam. He's after her money.

BartletForAmerica Sat 27-Aug-11 18:39:09

sounds like a well known scam. Can't link as I'm on my phone but Google will have plenty of examples.

Mandy2003 Sat 27-Aug-11 18:41:23

This is what I though of immediately, I dare say you did too.

I would probably bet that when his leave is due at the end of September that he gets involved in some sort of road traffic accident and needs money sent to get home! Sorry OP.

Nancy66 Sat 27-Aug-11 18:41:52

Sounds like a Nigerian based dating scam - the man your mother is 'in love' with doesn't exist.

If he hasn't started to mention money yet he soon will

gemdrop84 Sat 27-Aug-11 18:42:16

I have an email address for reporting members of this dating site, do you think its worth a try to email them and report him and explain what the situation is? Really dont want her to get hurt, but looks like it is inevitable.

Mandy2003 Sat 27-Aug-11 18:43:26

Yes I'd report your concerns, definitely.

solidgoldbrass Sat 27-Aug-11 18:43:36

This is a notorious scam. Tell her to enjoy the flattery but under NO CIRCUMSTANCES send the man any money.
I believe there are ways of checking with the US army whether a man by that name/rank exists and is a serving soldier, as well - you might like to do this to prove to your mother that it's a con.

TheVermiciousKnid Sat 27-Aug-11 18:43:44

Sounds dodgy ...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11400700

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/28/online-dating-scam-us-military_n_801691.html

YoungishBag Sat 27-Aug-11 18:43:54

It's a well known scam. He isnt American, the photos are not of him. The perpetrator of the scam I read about was from Africa. They are generic as they're trying to hook in lots of women as only a few bite.

He will be unable to get away without money for the flight and he will ask for it. And he will keep asking til she's run dry. In the story I read he took 50 k from a widow.

Tell your mum she's being scammed and take the fake emails to the police station, they will confirm it's a well known scam.

gemdrop84 Sat 27-Aug-11 18:44:41

DP suggested he will be held at ransom by the taliban at the end of sept when his leave is due, as horrible as this, I think you're all right.

HotSummerNights Sat 27-Aug-11 18:46:12

This is a scam there was a feature about it on Fake Britain a few weeks ago.
A woman was conned out of thousands.

Please show your Mum this thread and the links.

LineRunner Sat 27-Aug-11 18:46:25

gemdrop, Good for you for spotting this as quickly as you did.

Report it, and if it breaks your mum's heart for a week or two it's better than destroying her trust, faith and bank account for a lifetime.

I'd email the lothario myself and say that you know what he's up to and you're going to the police. And actually, I would go to the police.

TeddyRuxpin Sat 27-Aug-11 18:47:33

It is a well known scam which features regularly in Womens magazines (think chat/take a break/ that's life). I'm not sure if you could look it up on the Internet.
It usually ends up with the 'army' guy claiming he has medical expenses or can't get out of the country unless the 'love of his life' sends him exorbitant amounts of money.
If your mum refuses to believe it's a scam, I don't think there's much you can do but try to convince her not to send any money if he asks for it.
She could also ask him where he is stationed and his regiment and possibly check his ID that way if he's genuine.

gemdrop84 Sat 27-Aug-11 18:50:24

She has no money and she has been known to run up debts to help others out, Im very worried about this, especially if he is going to continue mailing her until end of sept and then ask for money. Makes me feel sick =(

TidyDancer Sat 27-Aug-11 18:51:59

Absolutely report. It's such an awful way to scam someone, playing on their feelings.

There are some real scumbags out there. sad

gemdrop84 Sat 27-Aug-11 18:54:39

Thanks Limerunner, Im tempted to email the little t**t and give him what for but I dont think that would make much difference, Im going to show mum the link above, also report him to the dating website he's registered. Looking at his msn profile, he only has 2 other friends, which are 2 women, so hes probably scamming them too! angry

ZillionChocolate Sat 27-Aug-11 18:56:14

I agree that it's a scam.

No point pressing the "how can he be in love with you so quickly" point though as she claims to feel the same.

TeddyRuxpin Sat 27-Aug-11 19:00:44

Any way you could contact the 2 other women to get some info on him? Reporting him to the site seems a good idea.
If you google "military dating scams" there's loads of info about it online and things to watch out for.

gemdrop84 Sat 27-Aug-11 19:14:39

Thanks teddy, I do have the other womens email address, I dont want to seem like a mad woman going ott but I do smell a vague odour of bullshit in the air hmm Im looking through google at these scams and seeing if his name comes up. Just emailed the dating sites abuse team so hopefully they can look into it. Am really tempted to email him...

MadamDeathstare Sat 27-Aug-11 19:23:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gemdrop84 Sat 27-Aug-11 19:30:59

How are you, hope you are doing just fine?. I think it will be cool to start by telling you a little about me.I'm SPC Christopher Cindrich of the US Army and ISAF and I'm currently on deployment in Kaboul, Afghanistan. Army Division: 4th Infantry Division,1st Heavy Brigade combat Team (Raiders).I have been single for 2 years since my marriage ended in such a painful manner.I think its about time i moved on now and find my self a good woman who i can hopefully spend the rest of my life with. I have got lots of love in me that i want to share.

gemdrop84 Sat 27-Aug-11 19:31:26

That was his first msg, and this is his 2nd msg to her:

first I want to thank you for replying me,I will like to be the man in your life and that include me loving and caring for you inrelevant of the situation.Thats the essence of a relationship.I really have so much to say but there is no proper medium to express how I feel but the truth is that I am attracted to you and that's why I contacted you.Do you have a messenger or msn.Maybe we can link up online chat.Hope to read from you soonest.

gemdrop84 Sat 27-Aug-11 19:32:39

And this was after she told him about the kids, pets etc, its not a ''normal'' conversation really is it? if dp said that to me when we first met I would have ran a mile!!

gemdrop84 Sat 27-Aug-11 19:35:48

madam deathstare no he doesnt seem to use any american phrases.

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