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AIBU?

to just want my houseguest to LEAVE!!!!!

63 replies

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 17:17

DP is away on a work trip abroad. We have a houseguest here for 4 days.
He is a male member of extended family, who comes up regularly to see dd, several times a year has been doing so for 6 years now.

He is very sweet with dd and she loves him.
He is usually nice to chat to.

BUT....he has never once asked us to go and stay with him and his partner.
he never offers to contribute to anything ie if we go out for coffees etc.
he has never offered to help with the cooking or suggests a takeaway.
he has never put the kettle on.
he has started to make snide little commments about my cooking and the house.
he never so much as brings his plate to the kitchen or puts it in the dishwasher.
he has TERRIBLE B.O and we cannot get him in the shower despite some HEAVY hints.
Finally my dog doesn't like him!

He is a retired person (not particularly elderly) so does not have any real idea of how busy we are although he HAS been doing this for 6 years so you might think he would get it!

Sorry, I just needed to escape from him and have a rant really. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Report

worraliberty · 27/08/2011 17:20

You've let him treat you like shit for 6 years?

Why??

scrambedeggs · 27/08/2011 17:21

i wouldnt imagine an older gentleman would feel it appropriate to put the kettle on and the like, he is a guest, its not his place to do things off his own back - have you not read the MIL threads ffs lol, slagging them off for daring to suggest making a cup of tea without supervision !!!!!

is he from a different culture?

emsyj · 27/08/2011 17:22

I could never have a houseguest who had BO.

Also, dogs are very perceptive IMO - just don't have him in the house again!

2old2beamum · 27/08/2011 17:24

Visitors like fish stink after 3 days!!

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 17:24

I know it sounds bizarre! He IS kind in alot of ways but he is unhousetrained! I think his little comments about my cooking etc are meant to be little jokes but in the context of everything else they are really annoying. It is too complicated and would be too revealing to say who he is to my dd but suffice to say it is important that they maintain a relationship. I have been too accepting of it for too long and I think next time he will have to stay in a b and b.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 27/08/2011 17:24

Someone's culture is no excuse for rudeness imo

He's a guest in her house and he's making snide comments about it and her cooking?

What sort of culture is that?

The nobbers society?

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 17:26

yes, scrambled, he might feel a bit reluctant, I know what you mean but after 6 years?! I do say, please help yourself etc, but everytime it is the same!

OP posts:

scrambedeggs · 27/08/2011 17:26

she makes remarks cos he has BO and tells him to get a shower

she cooks like shit, he tells her LOL

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 17:26

no he's not from a different culture.

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 27/08/2011 17:27

YANBU to want him to leave

If you want the relationship to continue but don't want his rudeness and unpleasantness in your house can he just visit for daytrips?

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 17:28

I haven't TOLD him to get a shower!!!! i've made comments like "Shower's free now" and given him lovely towels! I haven't told him he has BO!
I'm not the greatest cook, probably not the worst! Sorry, this is quite funny, is cheering me up no end!

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 27/08/2011 17:29

is this day1 of the 4 day visit?

ThePathanKhansWoman · 27/08/2011 17:30

@ Worraliberty.

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 17:31

No is day 2.

OP posts:

OhGreatOne · 27/08/2011 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 17:35

Great idea OGO!!! Might try that!

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 27/08/2011 17:36

since he gets on so well with dd, how about you leave him the number and a menu for a pizza take-away (and no money - ha!) and go off and have a pleasant night out with a friend tonight.

Even if you just go out for a drink. You wouldn't be smelling him for a bit.

ThePathanKhansWoman · 27/08/2011 17:36

You could suggest a trip to swimming baths, i had to do this with smelly houseguest, i kid you not.

Ahh fuck, it tell B.O bertie to book a B.B.

clawsatELVES · 27/08/2011 17:36

You can understand (although not condone) the lack of 'helping' in the house. You could even understand that someone might not know they whiff, or that there might be many reasons why they'd not invite you/DD back to theirs.

But odd that you go out for coffee and he does not contribute. Almost odder here that he is older; usually it seems it is 'the olds' who INSIST on paying more than their fair share. Is he hard up? Does he just expect you to pay for everything, it it ever discussed? THIS for me is the worst thing! OP, you have my sympathies. Can you have 'an emergency', and have to visit a friend who lives - eg 4 hours away. Where you'll have to stay at hers for a couple of nights to help her?

Can you suggest that he stays for less time, next time? I night max?

clawsatELVES · 27/08/2011 17:36

I 1

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 17:39

Yes, I think 1 night is a good idea. As I said he is not a NASTY person, I quite enjoy talking to him sometimes and as I said dd really enjoys seeing him. He is not well off or particularly hard up from what I can see. I am terrible at confronting people about stuff like that. I find it really embarrassing.

OP posts:

NorfolkBroad · 27/08/2011 17:40

Anyway, must get back to it! Thanks guys!

OP posts:

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MightyQuim · 27/08/2011 17:48

When you go for a coffee either just go and sit down and wait for him to offer you a drink or just buy for you and dd. Sounds rude but it's obviously what he's been doing. If he does get you a drink insist on getting the next one - emphasising that it's your turn - hopefully he will get the hint.

rookiemater · 27/08/2011 17:49

I feel your pain. DH's DB stays sometimes and whilst he is a nice man he has some issues and does not wash or wash his clothes. I cannot bear to be in the same room as him.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 27/08/2011 17:55

Wrt the comments on your cooking.

"That sounded rude, did you mean to sound so rude, I'm sure you didn't, did you?" with face.

or before cooking

"Seeing as you obviously don't like my cooking I thought you could take a turn tonight. Show me how it's done?"

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