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What do you think?

(10 Posts)
maypole1 Fri 26-Aug-11 20:14:53

Do you think anyone is brave enough to admit they found it difficult someone of another race joining their family!


My mil struggles with my race greatly but instead of just admitting this she picks at other things so much so oh and I have decided we won't ever be going back their for christmas which is very sad for him but also for me

He rarely sees his dad who is awesome because of his mum it's just all so sad

Now I really want to here from. The other side people who have themselves struggled with a sister or a son getting into a interracial relationship

I really want to understand I promise I won't judge

Choufleur Fri 26-Aug-11 20:16:17

What makes you this it is race related if she picks on other things?

maypole1 Fri 26-Aug-11 20:16:58

The most hurtful thing was her leaving early from our wedding she left at 4:20 as soon as we had our first dance.

She didn't even say she was leaving

Choufleur Fri 26-Aug-11 20:19:23

That's shit - but still unclear why it's race related?

maypole1 Fri 26-Aug-11 20:21:37

Because when we first stared dating she asked my oh when he was going to stop messing around with ethnic girls and find a nice girl

But she probably didn't think we were going to get married at the time

She picks holes in everything leaves my oh and us out of family holidays

He did confront her but she said she cannot recall saying such a thing WTF

When they vist from abroad were they live they don't even tell us they are coming we usually find out by the grapevine after they have left

PicaK Fri 26-Aug-11 20:22:48

That's so sad.

I hope you get some insights.

But I have to say that in you being one saying "we're not doing x or y" you are falling into a dangerous trap. It should be DH taking the lead.

maypole1 Fri 26-Aug-11 20:24:51

To be honest I just wanted to understand form those who have struggled with this so I might be able to see her point a view if she has one.

I don't really want this thread to be about slagging off mil although very tempting

Schnullerbacke Fri 26-Aug-11 20:39:49

Hmm, me at times but not in a bad way I suppose. My DH is the ethnic one and had no problems fitting in with us. His family has also been very accepting. In saying that, I do have the feeling that they sometimes think I am a bit, hmm, thick is not the right word. They just sometimes presume that I cannot do certain things, perhaps because they cannot imagine that we also do that where I come from. They dont mean to make me feel this way but I often feel like I am 18, instead of my more advanced age. Its probably also a language thing as we can hardly communicate. So even if they talk behind my back, I certainly have no problems with it.

I do however have to admit that if my Dh was perhaps of a different race, then perhaps parents wouldn have been as accommodating.

Other than that, its your MIL problem. Dont let her interfer or come between you and make sure you have DH on your side. Dont take any shit from her, nip it right in the bud. Just behave like you always do, if she wants to see less of her son, her problem.

Mandyville Fri 26-Aug-11 20:40:34

This is a generation back in DH's family: his parents are in an interracial marriage. There were people on both sides who had a problem. The problems on his dad's side receded with the birth of their first child. The problems on his mum's side have never really gone away.

In the former, the nature of the 'problem' was clear. The family were racist and mistrusted DH's mum because of the colour of her skin/place of her birth. In the end, they learned to see her as an individual - I genuinely believe that they no longer 'see' her skin colour. If this is the nature of your MIL's problem, she may learn to see you as an individual or she may not.

OTOH, DH's mum's family are just a divisive bunch. They pick on things which are different and use them to start fights. They never let a niggle go. They choose to make DH's dad's race a problem, even though they are not really racist. They use it to set him/them apart from the rest of the family. If this is your MIL, I would give up now for your own sanity!

maypole1 Fri 26-Aug-11 20:59:22

MMm food for thought its also not helpful that their are basically zero black,Asian or mixed raced people were she lives.

So often is only informed by tv

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