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To hate being let down?

(7 Posts)
MrsBradleyCooper Fri 26-Aug-11 11:53:18

I don't mind so much if it's a friend saying that they can't make a lunch date or whatever, but if it's something bigger, it really gets to me, especially if it is something that has been arranged for a while.

A while ago, I asked my mum to babysit for us while we went to a wedding - gave a years notice, but 2 weeks before it she told me that she couldn't do it anymore as she and her DH were going on holiday and that's the only time they could go. Luckily we managed to hire a babysitter to look after ds but it cost us £100 that we hadn't been expecting to pay.

Then a few weeks ago, I asked my mum and sister if they would like to go and see Kate Middleton's dress at Buckingham Palace. They live in Scotland so it would be a long trek for them, and I completely expected them to say no. But they said they would love to, so I went ahead and booked the tickets.

Cut to today (we were going in 2 weeks time), and I've just had a phone call to say that she will give me the money, but that they can't come anymore so can I take someone else.
I said, no not really, it's on a Friday so everyone will be working. She then backtracked and said, "well, I might be able to come, I'll just need to see if I can sort something out and come for the day". I said, no it's ok, as I don't want someone to have to rush around trying to fit something in - I had just wanted to do something nice with my family.

I wasn't given any actual reason why, so I could be being unreasonable if it is something huge that can't be changed, but then if it was, surely she would have said?

I could go on my own, but in all honesty, it was more of an excuse for a girls day out.

Just hate it when you are really looking forward to something and then something like this happens sad.

Earlybird Fri 26-Aug-11 11:59:17

Can completely understand you being upset.

Both examples given relate to your Mum letting you down. Is this normal or unusual behaviour for her? If normal, think I'd stop making special plans that include (or rely) on her and simply see her more spontaneously (or at times when a change of plans isn't a big thing).

Fuzzywuzzywozabear Fri 26-Aug-11 12:03:15

That's a shame. I know how you feel. We were supposed to go to a wedding (all day) and dsd was looking after kids (I was paying as she was hard up) she let us down at the last minute so we couldn't go to the wedding at all due to lateness of cancellation.

I dont know the answer really, it's difficult when it's family

MrsBradleyCooper Fri 26-Aug-11 12:05:27

I know - I generally dislike being let down, but I suppose it's more to do with her specifically.

She didn't used to be like this - it's only been in the past few years, and she has had a few marital problems, which I understand, but I feel as if she seems to think it's ok just to act like this, and expect that I'll just say "It's ok".

I'm really upset about it because it just feels as if she has no regard for how it might make me feel.

I used to be so close to her and I just don't know what's changed.

Earlybird Fri 26-Aug-11 12:07:30

Do you say 'it's ok', or do you tell her you're upset? If you act ok about it, maybe she thinks you don't mind (much).

MrsBradleyCooper Fri 26-Aug-11 12:33:07

Well regarding the wedding situation, I did say "it's ok", but I think I was so shocked (at that time it was completely out of character for her) that it was like a kneejerk reaction.

Today, I said to her that I couldn't take anyone else, and I did sigh a bit, so I think she would have got the message, though I didn't actually say "I'm upset".

I try hard to be non confrontational, but perhaps I should be more honest.

Thank you for your advice smile

mummymccar Fri 26-Aug-11 13:29:02

Such a difficult situation, particularly with her being family. If this is unusual behaviour for her though, maybe you should have a word? There may be something going on that you don't know about. It definitely seems odd if she has only recently started acting this way.
Good luck! Hope it all gets resolved soon xxx

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