...to expect a whole day NOT to be written off for a bit of D+V?

[fegwood]

DP is off work at the moment - between projects so 'working from home' (with full permission of his boss) for a couple of weeks. I am not. DC with PIL at the moment for a few days.

I bob off to work quite happily this morning, then midmorning get a text saying he thinks he's dying. Briefly panic, phone him and establish that he has got diarrhoea and has been sick. Am sympathetic on the phone. Text him at lunchtime asking if he could pick up some burger baps and run the hoover round as we were having some people over for food and films. He says he's not up to it. OK, I grab the stuff on my way home.

Get home and he is lying on the sofa looking VERY sorry for himself, but the Xbox is on and hasn't gone to screensaver so can't be feeling that bad. Turns out he hasn't had anymore D+V since 10am but thought he'd better rest up to be on the safe side. The house is a shit tip, yesterday's washing up not done, the laundry has been lingering getting that damp smell in the machine all day, the post hasn't even been picked up. You don't even want to see the state of the toilet he used this morning.

Now, if this was me I would just GET ON with things, if gingerly. Had to cancel having people over because he doesn't feel up to it. Not sure what he expected to have to do towards the evening as I would be preparing food, getting people drinks etc etc but hey.

Is this men and women handling illness differently? Or AIBU?

[Iggly]

Well if he hasnt eaten all day he is probably feeling pretty rough. The xbox doesn't take much effort! Is he generally lazy?

[lachesis]

He didn't bother to clean the toilet he soiled? That's disgusting. Why on Earth are you picking up after him. He's an adult.

[Pamplemoussse]

absolutely he should not be out and about in the community with D and V

and cancelling guests is surely a good thing? no way would I want to go to yours if I found out there was D and V in your home, yuk

I shan't scare you with side effects from D and V, just be aware that for some it can have utterly devastating consequences

[Pamplemoussse]

oh, missed the bit about not cleaning the loo, vile

[HumperdinkFangboner]

Well, he could have cleaned the toilet but I think YABU about the rest.

D&V even once can leave you feeling like crap all day.

Am sure your guests will thank you for cancelling and not potentially infecting them with some stomach bug too.

[fegwood]

No, not lazy! I'm the lazy one if anything. He does get VERY martyr-y when ill though. He had a cold over Christmas and EVERYONE knew about it.

lachesis it was cleaned - but not /properly/ if you see what I mean? I am waaaay the better cleaner out of the pair of us.

[peggotty]

I think YABU a bit actually and i think I would have been similar to your dh. Having d and v can make you feel really washed out and dodgy for quite a while afterwards. He must have been feeling crap if he was to having friends round. Could you be a bit pissed off with fact he's working from gone anyway?

[DorisIsAPinkDragon]

Whilst I agree that he should have cleaned the bloody toilet the rest is understandable as he is feeling like shit .

As for people coming over I certainly wouldn't want to voluntarily to a house where someone has D and V as it is so bloody contagious.

So overall YABU

[halcyondays]

He should have cleaned the toilet but if I was sick I certainly would'n't want to go out to buy baps and would want to cancel people coming over. Actually, I wouldn't want to be the people coming over in case I caught his bug.

[magicmelons]

YABU i'd really upset if my DH didn't trust my judgement about what i felt up to and you shouldn't have guests over if he has D&V that's just mean to everyone.

Toilet is gross though.

[DorisIsAPinkDragon]

go to a house

[RitaMorgan]

I would be really pissed off to be invited over to a friend's for dinner and then discover they had had D+V that morning.

[DorisIsAPinkDragon]

ahh so YABU abut the toilet too, cleaned but not to your standard. Poor man (and it's not often I say that).

[PelvicFloorOfSteel]

I would not want to be a guest at your house after you DH had had D&V, nor would I want to be the shop assistant who served him when he bought rolls or a customer who opened a door after him (if he hadn't cleaned the toilet I douby he washed his hands thoroughly either - yuck).

Your DH should have cleaned the loo but some bugs do leave you too wiped out to do much else.

I hope you don't go down with it tomorrow even if it gives you a chance to show how much better you'd cope. Please don't be the person who goes into work less than 24 hours after being ill and gives it to everyone in the office!

[PelvicFloorOfSteel]

Many typos, sorry!

[Meglet]

He should have cleaned the toilet up but YABU for having guests over when he's been ill.

[acatcalledfelix]

You're clearly pretty different people when it comes to how you react when you're ill! D&V is horrid and even when it's stopped you still feel pretty wiped out so sitting on the sofa is maybe really the most he felt he could manage, I'd be the same TBH.

And, call me extreme, but I'd expect him to quarantine himself unitil at least tomorrow morning. So no shopping and definitely no guests. It really annoys me if friends still meet up with me or colleagues come into work and then casually mention the couple of hours they spent locked in the bathroom earlier!!! I work for the NHS and you're not allowed back for 48 hours after having D&V, and with good reason I think.

[Dancergirl]

YABvU

You shouldn't have asked him to do chores if he's feeling unwell, that's really mean. These bugs can make you feel really ill.

Were you really going to carry on with inviting people over with D and V in your house?? Unbelieveable.

And as for him not cleaning the toilet to your standards....give the guy a break. So you're the better cleaner, so bloody what.

You sound very controlling.

[lachesis]

I would not have wanted to be a guest in your house when one of you have D&V.

[sassyTHEFIRST]

Toilet - grim, and selfish as you cleaning it could infect you.
The rest sounds reasonable to me. Takes me 3-4 days to recover from D&V; it just hits me like that. in contrast I can carry on with tonsilitus, go to work and everything while it means a week in bed for some.

[CeliaFate]

I think you're being totally unreasonable!
If you're ill you're not well enough to do chores round the house.
I would be furious if you'd invited me round to your house for a meal if someone there had d+v.
He's cleaned the toilet, just not to your standards. At least he made an effort.
If dh came home and had expected me to do all that when I'd had d+v I'd tell him where to go!
Have some sympathy!

[BimboNo5]

YABU. If its norovirus youy feel really fluey as well as generally knackered and wiped out. Let him be ill for a day fgs.

[LunarRose]

Totally agree with what everyone else has said YABVU.

D+V leaves me feeling like I'm going to puke if I move from a horizontal position long after I've stopped.

DISGUSTING to send him out to a FOOD shop or to have people over.

Go tell DH to re-clean the loo (don't forget the handle) and then be very nice to him. (Not least because you might need him to be nice to you if you catch it in the next few days)

[fegwood]

Fair enough. Hadn't occurred to me that it might be something more serious given that it was only one occurrence of each; and good point on the guests thing.

[Pamplemoussse]

prob a bit late now but

single use cutlery/plates/cups, hot hot handwash straightaway or into the dishwasher
use kitchen towel to dry hands, this includes in the bathroom, and bag/bin straight away
disinfect taps, basins, flush handle, door handles often
wash hands often - soap them to the tune of happy birthday to get a decent clean of hands