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to be very confused about this Mum?

(59 Posts)
ginmakesitallok Thu 25-Aug-11 18:17:52

Thread about my thread in chat - but not getting much response and I'm in the mood for a rant. original thread here.

In a nutshell -other mum writes to school yesterday accusing DD of bullying her daughter, I go into school and teacher tells me she has no concerns about DDs behaviour. Other Mum phones me last night to say I need to sort it out, it's been going on for a long time, her daughter doesn't like going to school etc etc. I explain I think its a 50/50 thing, but that my daughters behaviour had been unacceptable and I'd deal with it.

DD brings in a sorry card to school today. Mum then texts (and later phones) me to say that its wonderful that the girls were going in to school so happy today and would DD like to go to the cinema with them or go for a sleepover??

I was very restrained and texted back a "thanks but no-thanks" message when what I really wanted to text was "Are you taking the piss?? You write to school yesterday accusing DD of bullying, upset her, upset me and now you want her to come for a sleepover??? Over my dead body you daft cow!"

So - AIBU in not understanding where she's coming from?? Even if she'd said sorry, that she was wrong and that it was a 50/50 thing and would DD like to come over, I might have understood. But no - no apology, just a thanks for me dealing with it!!!

I am angry

geraldinetheluckygoat Thu 25-Aug-11 18:20:59

maybe she's trying to encourage thegirls to have a better relationship by inviting her to things, so they become friends and avoid this situation in the future. Maybe its her way of saying there's no hard feelings?

Mandy2003 Thu 25-Aug-11 18:22:05

Hmm, sounds like someone got the wrong message/child somewhere along the line!

Sn0wflake Thu 25-Aug-11 18:22:21

It does sound odd. What were the girls doing...normal girl tiffs or was there a bit of bullying?

If the teacher had told me my child wasn't doing anything wrong I wouldn't be making them apologise for anything. I would stress that they are not unkind in general though.

Mandy2003 Thu 25-Aug-11 18:23:06

Actually yes I'd agree with Geraldine, I did the same with a child that DS was in that situation with.

ginmakesitallok Thu 25-Aug-11 18:23:38

Maybe none on her part - but there are on mine!! And stop being so bloody reasonable grin I don't want to stop being cross just yet!

Shakirasma Thu 25-Aug-11 18:24:15

Agree with Geraldine.
Try not to be bitter toward the mother. If her daughter was unhappy she was perfectly within her rights to contact the school about her concerns.
Be happy it has been resolved and move on. It is never wise for parents to fall out over their childrens squabbles.

2BoysTooLoud Thu 25-Aug-11 18:24:29

I think she is pushing it suggesting a sleep over. What's she on?!
I would be a little guarded too - if only to protect my child from further accusations.

thesunshinesbrightly Thu 25-Aug-11 18:26:02

Maybe you should face facts your child is not as innocent as you think and is a bully.

Can't understand why the childs mother would want her child anywhere near yours.

Littlefish Thu 25-Aug-11 18:26:14

I think you're getting much too worked up about this.

The issue has been resolved. Your child has apologised. The other mother has tried to extend further friendship etc. Just let the whole thing drop. You're investing far too much energy in staying cross. smile

2BoysTooLoud Thu 25-Aug-11 18:32:30

I'm not sure why op is getting quite such a hard time. I think I would be happy that they are friends again but wary of something as intense as a sleepover. Also [rightly or wrongly] I would still be stinging a bit about the letter.

scrambedeggs Thu 25-Aug-11 18:33:51

sounds like the situation my nephew was in

being badly bullied at school, school denied anything whatsoever, poor kid was beside himself with anxiety

my sister went to see other parent who of course had heard nothing from the school, even though sister had been there every day trying to get them to do something

i think the bulled childs mum is probably trying to get the kids to be friends, she is probably at the end of her tether and doesnt know what to do for the best. I know my sister is

ginmakesitallok Thu 25-Aug-11 18:44:08

I know my daughter is not always an angel - but you do not know her sunshinesbrightly and she is certainly no bully! The scratching (as far as I know) followed the other girl shoving a banana case repeatedly up DDs skirt - so it wasn't all down to her. But glad you agree that it's odd that a mum would want her daughter to spend time with someone who had been bullying her!

I agree that I am investing too much energy into this - which is part of why I said no to the sleepover.

2BoysTooLoud Thu 25-Aug-11 18:47:09

I thought the bullying bit not exactly clear gin -not always clear cut at 7. I would definitely not allow the sleepover.
I may pore myself a large drink and relax!! Get that gin out!!

thesunshinesbrightly Thu 25-Aug-11 18:51:26

She obviously is a bully if complaints have been made about her.
Mums always stick up for their kids.

Scramblereggs - I wouldn't be so sure the other mum does not know, mums of bullies tend too say they didn't have any idea.

Groovee Thu 25-Aug-11 18:51:49

There's been a similar situation where a child has accused most of the class of bullying her. When the situation was "I'll ignite this and then turn into the victim!" Her mum's attitude is get them for a play and sort it out under my roof. Unfortunately so many children were annoyed at being called a bully that they were refusing to go. Unfortunately it took an angry exchange for her mum to realise that complaining about a little tiff was causing more angst and to let the children sort things out. The only time us mums get involved now is if another mum texts to say there's been a situation and can the children speak to each other and often its a misunderstanding.

Rowena8482 Thu 25-Aug-11 18:53:27

I am too lazy nobody wants to hear to type the big long saga of when we went through something similar with a girl at DDs school, but for the love of all that you hold dear, do not engage with this woman, do not encourage your DD to be anything other than normally polite and friendly to her DD, and don't get caught up with them outside school. It's just not worth it. (Long long sad tale!)

ChumleeIsMyHomeboy Thu 25-Aug-11 18:53:55

thesunshinesbrightly - what a stupid ill-informed thing to say when you don't even have a clue who, if anyone, is actually right in this.

2BoysTooLoud Thu 25-Aug-11 18:54:37

Don't think it is necessarily obviously true thesunshine - the teachers don't seem to think so.
However if a parent or child did say my 6 year old was being a bully I would try very hard to get to the bottom of it and would not assume he was not.
Nothing sounds clear cut here though.

lydiamama Thu 25-Aug-11 18:56:35

I would say no to a sleepover, but yes to go out with the two girls and the other mum, trying to make them be friendly to each other, that sounds like a good idea to me, and probably the other mum is just hoping for this, although sleepover sounds too much..............

ginmakesitallok Thu 25-Aug-11 18:58:02

So sunshinesbrightly - If I wrote a letter to school saying the other girl was bullying my daughter that would make the other girl a bully??? An overreacting protective parent does not mean that my DD is a bully.

As far as i am aware anything that has happened has been the usual 7 year old girl stuff - which they can sort out between themselves.

SouthernFriedTofu Thu 25-Aug-11 18:58:08

That is weird, if my child was being bullied (or I thought they were) I would want an apology and for the children to stay away from eachother.

But that's just me, maybe the mum is trying to seal the deal of those two liking each other so it doesn't flare up again.

BeerTricksPotter Thu 25-Aug-11 19:03:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thesunshinesbrightly Thu 25-Aug-11 19:08:24

overreacting protective parent - So that is what they are?? so that's what parents of bullied children are??
Your reaction too it has proved me right.
How are you going to explain to your DD bulling is wrong? it will only get worse if you ignore her behaviour...but thats ok right? aslong as it's not your child, to worried to sleep and not wanting to go to school etc....

ChumleeIsMyHomeboy Thu 25-Aug-11 19:08:52

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

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