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to expect to remain platonic friends with a man who drives me crazy with desire?

(17 Posts)
waitingfornaru Thu 25-Aug-11 17:22:19

I can't even look at him without palpitating, though I do a very strict job of remaining outwardly placid in his presence.

We have talked about the sexual tension but agreed to remain friends. We are both single but he is not ready for anyone else yet.

But is this possible long term? Will desire naturally dissipate? Is there anything I can do to ward it off, as I do need a friend and welcome seeing him socially occassionally without the pesky nuisance of nuclear-fuelled lust appearing everytime I'm within his perimeter!

Please tell me if you have been in this position and how you managed, or did you eventually have to give him up altogether because you could not stand the stress?

GirlWithALlamaTattoo Thu 25-Aug-11 17:26:24

Yes, I've been there, and it does, eventually, go away. It will be hard for a while, but if you value his friendship, keep hanging on!

waitingfornaru Thu 25-Aug-11 17:30:52

I should add I would love nothing more than to be involved with him in something a little more serious than just friends or causal dating, but because I now realise that isn't available to me, I will do my utmost best to just remain good friends by somehow quelling my desire, I just need to know how, I'm a Scorpio for flip's sake these things don't come easy blush

magicmelons Thu 25-Aug-11 17:31:17

What sort of man is he if he acknowledges sexual tension and doesn't shag your brains out at least once before not calling you and telling you he isn't ready for anythinggrin Are you single?

waitingfornaru Thu 25-Aug-11 17:31:54

'Causal' dating? Haha! I mean casual. That sounds a little too scientific smile

waitingfornaru Thu 25-Aug-11 17:33:08

magicmelons he's the sort of man with some lovely respect for women, I should think smile

GloriaVanderbilt Thu 25-Aug-11 17:35:28

In this position and tbh it gets worse smile Sorry to say that!

I kind of wish I had backed off about 6 months ago, but I couldn't bear to...unfortunately I think we might just fall out one day as it's unbearable.

If he's a decent bloke he'll let you know one way or the other. It's knowing THEY like you too in that way that's the killer. Especially if everything else is great and you both want to go further but he says he 'shouldn't'

It's enough to send you crazy, and I think some of them actually enjoy putting women through that which is dreadfully sad.

It's different if they say they just don't fancy you, you can get over that but when you know they DO and are keeping options open...horrid situation for you.

Sorry. I hope you find a way out of it or through it or something...wait it out and you might find he reveals personality traits you dislike after all.

magicmelons Thu 25-Aug-11 17:38:08

I know alot of men but none that have the hots for you but are too polite to go for it at least once, have to say the majority of the men i know are pigs though, dh aside. Even he still would of shagged me before deciding he wanted a relationship. Who brought up the sexual tension, you or him?

peppapighastakenovermylife Thu 25-Aug-11 17:40:27

I appear to be in a similar situation but we are both married / partner. I thought it was just me with a crush but he went all mature on me and suddenly casually announced the chemistry we had and that we needed to be aware of it as we should never ever do anything about it and he thought getting it out in the open would stop either of us making a mistake shock

I agree but blush

Jennytailia Thu 25-Aug-11 17:45:07

What if he gets a gf, or talks about other women? Isn't it just going to crush you more? I couldn't do it TBH.

jazzchickens Thu 25-Aug-11 17:45:49

Would you be able to remain friends if he started seeing somebody?

MilkandWine Thu 25-Aug-11 17:47:09

Sorry waiting but if the feeling was as strong on both sides he wouldn't be able to stop grabbing hold of you. No matter how 'not ready' he claimed to be.

He's single, your single, if you like each other what is the problem? Personally there is no way I would be able to remain friends with a guy I fancied that much, especially if he was single. I would have to down a few Jack Daniels for courage and make a lunge. If he rebuffs your advances then more fool him. Go and find someone else who want's to rip your clothes off in the manner you deserve wink

waitingfornaru Thu 25-Aug-11 17:52:02

magicmelons he brought up the tension issue.

jazzchickens Yes, I could still be friends if he saw someone else, I'm not in love with him.

Dozer Thu 25-Aug-11 17:54:45

Why isn't he "ready"? How long has he been single for and what caused the break-up? Does he fancy you, or is it all one way?

I would back off, and not see him alone, only in groups. if he knows you're interested, he knows where to find you if he wants a relationship with you (unless you meet someone else in the meantime!)

If you "need a friend" hang out with people you don't have the hots for!

If you're after a relationship, doesn't sound promising with him, and by spending too much time with him / lusting after him, could prevent you getting together with someone else.

Have been in similar circumstances and did have a fling, I wanted more at the time(though in retrospect I was just reeling from a break-up and desperate for a boyfriend, and a friend was a safe bet, it'd never have worked out) but was a case of "just not that into you" on his part, though did like me as a friend. It did change the friendship, but no regrets.

Dozer Thu 25-Aug-11 17:56:58

Agree with magicmelons and milkandwine, most men don't have any scruples if they fancy you!

P0rtBlacks4ndRes1dent Thu 25-Aug-11 17:57:07

I wouldn't be playing games like i'm 15 in your situation.

He's either not that into you (to coin a phrase) or really does not feel he's ready - so you are going to have to force his hand (to coin another slightly rude sounding phrase) .... that's what i would do - but i'm impatient and can't abide game playing....

Marshmallowflump Thu 25-Aug-11 18:26:47

Poor you he is avoiding the issue isnt he ?, i think and know how you feelhaving been in similar position and beleive me it does get worse, sorry you are going have to either shag him or leave him alone, he knows how you feel, and admits it is his problem, so let him carry on,meanwhile YOU should be able to go out and hopefully meet someone who can meet YOUR needs. You see a man like that is not thinking about you at all , it is Himself and his excuses, and it will eat away at you and do your head in. All the best take care and I hope you can come to a decision one way or the other.

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