Baby at wedding...?

[Angel786]

DH has 2 best friends who were getting married this yr. One got married a few months ago, we took DD (then 7 months old) to the eve reception (DH really wanted her there), she got ill, I got ill, she was overtired so she and I left early (also had a row with in laws there ).

His other mate gets married next week and has 4 evening events and 2 daytime ones. DH wanted to take DD so he could dance with her at the wedding (very sweet and something he has talked about since I was pregnant!) but since the last wedding we agreed not a good idea to keep her out late. Instead we agreed we would take her to the day events and I would go with him to two eve events (w/o DD) and I would stay at home with DD for the rest.

His mate has now said he is upset that DD is not going as he really wanted her there for two evening events. If I take DD she won't be able to sleep unless I keep walking around with her in the pram and will upset her routine / not be comfy for her (events are 7pm - 1am and she usually sleeps at 8pm) and I won't relax as will be running around outside with a pram.

AIBU / WWYD?

[Salmotrutta]

When little babies are at a wedding in the evening they end up asleep anyway, most of the time, and the parent(s) have to walk about/push them in the pram or whatever if they get fractious.
I don't think YABU at all - but your DHs friend sounds a bit odd by being upset over it. Why on earth would you be upset because someone's baby wasn't coming to your evening do?

[MrsCarriePooter]

Will she really not sleep in the pram at that time unless you're walking round with it? If that's the case then, unless either your DH or the groom wants a) to keep walking round with it himself or b) is happy to have a screaming baby all evening then I don't see how you can go (assuming no babysitting possibilities) and YANBU.

[diddl]

I think the friend sounds odd & tbh I think your husband sounds odd-he can dance with his daughter anytime, surely?

[Angel786]

Thanks - that's what I suspected but wanted to confirm I wasn't being a cow! Unfortunately she won't sleep in the pram unless it's moving (she only started sleeping through the night 2-3 weeks ago and was a difficult sleeper before then). Lol I did suggest DH walks the pram around but as best man I think he'll be too busy ...

[clam]

Is your DH confused? Does he think your DD is much older? He wants to dance with her? And it has to be at this wedding?

[Angel786]

Lol diddl

[Salmotrutta]

Sorry, meant to add that having to watch over a little baby at an evening do really just means the parents can't go and have a dance, enjoy a wine or two etc. And your baby probably will get over-stimulated and fractious.
Seen it at many a wedding.

[Angel786]

I think he wants to hold her in his arms and dance with her Clam, he's been talking about this for yonks - an ideal in his head as she won't be too happy if she's not slept!

[JanMorrow]

Why the hell would they get upset about baby who isn't theirs being at their wedding? They'll spend all of 5 mins with her and then bugger off to talk to everyone else, so won't even notice her absence! Are you sure your DH hasn't made up that cock and bull story?

Either way, stick with what you've planned!

[Angel786]

Salmo - my point exactly! I would rather be at home letting her sleep than trying to manage a tired baby at a wedding where I won't be able to eat/drink/dance with baby...

[diddl]

I think that what you are doing sounds fine.

If you can get a babysitter why not?

Especially if you think that she won´t enjoy it-therefore meaning that you won´t either!

[Salmotrutta]

Aw - I'm sure he's just a proud daddy!

[Angel786]

JM - you may have a point. DH may be laying it on thick...! The groom will be too busy to even notice DD there / not.

[ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld]

I'm still at "4 evening events and 2 daytime ones."

YANBU If your baby won't sleep without pram been pushed around the your DH and his friend are going to have to accept she won't be there. Unless they want to arrange pram pushing relays between themselves that is.

[diddl]

Oh yes-does your husband just want to show her off & have everyone cooing over them "dancing"?

[DuelingFanjo]

why not get DH to take her to two evening events while you put your feet up at home.

[Salmotrutta]

I don't think my DH ever danced with our DD (properly, at a do, that is) until her own wedding.

[ChristinedePizan]

Dancing with a 9 month old? Que??

If your DH and his mate are so keen to have a baby there then they can look after her. They're being selfish - my DS would have hated that and I would also have had to spend the evening pushing him around.

They are bonkers, you are not.

[clam]

"I think he wants to hold her in his arms and dance with her "
Yes, at her wedding!!!! Or round the sitting room at home.

[scrambedeggs]

be ill and let OH take her to the wedding by himself

result: lovely peaceful evening + he gets to realise what a dick he is

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

No YANBU

It sounds like your DH has a fantasy in his head (in a nice way I mean!) of having a lovely daddy/daughter dance without thinking about the reality, which as you've spelled out, would probably mean holding a fractious, crying, over-tired baby.
I think your suggestion of taking DD to the daytime (off topic - who the hell has 4 evening and 2 daytime events for one wedding!!! ) and the pair of you get a couple of events where it can be the 2 of you. So DD ends up in the photos I assume (daytime) and you and DH get couple time, plus DD keeps her routine.

Totally agree with other comments about the bride and groom not noticing and it does seem strange that the groom really wants your DD there - maybe he's a genuninely lovely bloke who doesn't want to exclude you cos you have a baby? (or DH is laying it on thick?)
Either way, your solution soulds like a reasonable compromise (let's face it, you're one missing 2 of the evening events, not DH) and DD does get to join in the daytime stuff (which she will never remember anyway

[diddl]

Also, how long would the "dancing" last-for the four evenings, and who would be looking after her for the rest of the time?

[Salmotrutta]

I have a lovely picture in my head now of Daddy twirling around with his little DD in his arms - awww.