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to just wish they would damn wait and stop asking!

(36 Posts)
Newmummytobe79 Thu 25-Aug-11 08:43:21

We're due to have baby in the next few weeks and have decided not to reveal our choice of names until baby is born. We don't know the sex and think it'll be nice for DH to announce baby, sex, name and weight once he/she has arrived.

DH did once mention one name I liked (but he didnt) to his family which then got weeks of 'oh no - that's not a nice name' down young nieces comments of 'you can't call a baby that' - obviously mimicking the adults. It's a very normal name that I still love but since then I've been even more determined to keep quiet about names.

My family wanted to know at first but have now accepted they'll have to wait and have even turned it into a game and have written down their guesses.

DH's family has not stopped asking from day one but I've been fine with it and laughed it off until this last week!

DH has mentioned the middle name (if it's a boy it'll be a family name from his side) and accidentally the girls middle name to his Mum (which will be for my Mum, which I wanted her to hear first). I told MIL it was a secret and she said she'd not told anyone else but she's obviously told her side of the family as now the young neices are asking what we'll call baby and using the middle name already! Grrrr! I know it sounds petty but I'm fuming! And it's such an unusual name it couldnt have been a lucky guess.

In the last few weeks, everytime I've seen my neices they go on about names and my fake smile is wearing thin. Am I being unreasonable to ask them not to ask me again or should this be down to SIL? If it were my child and I knew a friend/family member really didn't want to discuss names I'd tell them to damn well leave her alone!

Rant over smile

Mitmoo Thu 25-Aug-11 08:46:20

Not sure what you're worried about to be honest. Your husband told them a middle name, not they're talking about it. What does it matter? They just sound like they are excited about the baby, that's lovely.

FetchezLaVache Thu 25-Aug-11 08:46:42

YANBU- my blood pressure has gone up a few points just reading this! I think you need to cut them off at the pass from now on: Sorry, you'll have to wait! Repeat as necessary. Or your DH could even be quite direct with his mother, along the lines of: No, not discussing it with you, you'll blab! You've lost all baby name discussion rights and will now have to wait, just like everyone else!

DuelingFanjo Thu 25-Aug-11 08:50:31

I think you should just say 'asking me all the time isn't going to make me tell you so you may as well stop asking' to the neices, and 'I really am not going to tell you the name and it's really annoying being asked all the time so can you stop' to the adults.

Jennytailia Thu 25-Aug-11 08:50:59

I think you just need
To say you don't know what you'll be calling him/her. It'll stop it being such a 'secret'

GypsyMoth Thu 25-Aug-11 08:54:26

Underlying 'problems' with the on laws is there? This is just another excuse to dislike them I think! Come on, how petty is this??

Love how in your eyes your own family have done the correct thing though hmm

Newmummytobe79 Thu 25-Aug-11 08:55:06

Knew this would cause conflicting answers!

Mitmoo - I know lots of people don't understand the reasoning behind keeping names secret but it's the one thing I can keep private after nine months of being asked about everything including when I think 'my dates' are - ie: which time of doing it do you think made baby! grin plus since we only have one boys name and one girls name I couldnt bear a cats bum face at the names we've chosen. Baby will be introduced with name and they'll like it or slag it off behind our backs (instead of in front of us before baby arrives!)

FetchezLaVache - phew! Glad it's not just my blood pressure! smile

Newmummytobe79 Thu 25-Aug-11 08:57:48

ILoveTIFFANY - not at all! In fact I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, I'm just getting peed off with being asked the same question over and over again. It's just boring and damn obvious I don't want to answer it.

My family have just stopped nagging me

EightiesChick Thu 25-Aug-11 08:58:09

Start using a fake (obviously so) name to refer to the baby at all times and insist it's what you'll actually be calling them. Englebert for a boy and Madonna for a girl I reckon.

GypsyMoth Thu 25-Aug-11 08:59:53

How old are the neices? Does your husband not get fed up of fielding the questions too? How come he gave the middle name?

Newmummytobe79 Thu 25-Aug-11 09:00:34

hehehe - excellent suggestion EightiesChick! grin

Ohnoredundo Thu 25-Aug-11 09:03:38

It's ridiculous isn't it? My mum and MIL were the same. Ridiculous 'guessing' games ensued, which is also v annoying as if you are planning on a reasonably well known name it's not going to be long before they hit the nail on the head and spoil the surprise. I'd be a bit short with them and say 'I'm not telling you, we are keeping it a surprise and that's that'. So persistent was my MIL that I found out after DS's birth that she'd ground my husband down enough to tell her the amount of letters there were in the name. I mean come on!! Childish or what?!

Ohnoredundo Thu 25-Aug-11 09:04:55

No forget my suggestion and go with Eightieschick's.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin Thu 25-Aug-11 09:05:11

Why blame your annoying inlaws, it's your DH that needs a boot up the bum. If something in aa secret, however trivial, then he doesn't 'accidentally' reveal anything.
Age of your nieces is key here, they may be teasing you on purpose.

Newmummytobe79 Thu 25-Aug-11 09:05:18

ILoveTIFFANY - both are primary school age. He gave away the boy middle name as it's his family name and I think he wanted his Dad to know. Gawd knows why he mentioned the girls! I see them more on my own so that's why I get nagged more often. Plus I don't want to tell them to stop asking - as I don't feel it's my place to.

Mitmoo Thu 25-Aug-11 09:08:29

Either tell them to stop asking or don't. If you don't you can hardly moan if they keep asking. They're not psychic.

Newmummytobe79 Thu 25-Aug-11 09:08:39

Ohnoredundo - exactly! I just feel like saying ok ... if it's a boy it'll be X spelt like this and if it's a girl it'll be X - happy now?

Now there are no suprises!

It's like people who nag brides to tell all about their dress - I LOVE that moment of them walking down the aisle and seeing the dress for the first time - just makes it more special in my eyes

Newmummytobe79 Thu 25-Aug-11 09:13:32

Just to make it very clear - this is not meant to be an inlaw bash and I would feel exactly the same if my family were going on about it. Except I'd probably just tell them how it is ... whereas I wouldn't dream of telling my inlaws to just shut up! grin

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin Thu 25-Aug-11 09:14:05

'Plus I don't want to tell them to stop asking - as I don't feel it's my place to.'

Sorry, but that is a very silly answer. They are annoying but not telepathic and it is absolutely your right to say 'Enough now, or I'm going home'

Newmummytobe79 Thu 25-Aug-11 09:29:35

Don't find it a silly answer at all. I don't want to have to tell friends or family members young children not to do something if it's obvious it's causing discomfort to the other person. That is the adults role as far as I'm concerned.

squeakytoy Thu 25-Aug-11 09:31:45

People cant win when someone is having a baby. If they dont ask questions they are accused of showing no interest. If they do ask questions, they are accused of being nosey.

You cant blame your nieces for being excited and wanting to ask about the name. They are only children.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin Thu 25-Aug-11 09:34:03

It is possible to make your point without being unkind, children are frequently told to drop a subject, or to stop teasing someone.
Tell the adults then. confused

2blessed2bstressed Thu 25-Aug-11 09:35:31

Discomfort?? Really?? You're in for a helluva time after the baby's here, if two little girls asking about its name is causing you discomfort already! And I still don't understand why you can't say nicely "please stop going on about the babys name, I'm not going to tell you", to them if it's really bothering you that much. smile

Newmummytobe79 Thu 25-Aug-11 09:36:05

Agree with you squeakytoy and understand how excited they are.

Just finding the constant same old question annoying.

Guess it won't last forever! smile

worraliberty Thu 25-Aug-11 09:36:31

Sorry but it all sounds a bit 'Princess Tippy Toes' to me.

I'm sure if no-one was excited or curious, you'd be just as annoyed...maybe more so.

Tell them/don't tell them but don't get annoyed at their excitement and curiosity. Surely it doesn't impact on your life that much?

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