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To be sad that some people who I have told about my pregnancy aren't happy or have congratulated me?

(34 Posts)
WantToKnowThis Wed 24-Aug-11 18:22:24

I just want to know how you would react if someone you used to work with messaged you on FB and told you, they were pregnant. Would you reply with a congratulations straightaway? I have done this to an ex-colleague (I don't have her number anymore to phone her up), and she has been commenting on other ex-colleagues statuses, but hasn't messaged me back to say congratulations. It's been a few days now.

I feel a bit down. This is the third person who I have told who doesn't seem to care. I don't expect someone to go all gooey and gaga over my pregnancy, but a simple congratulations would be nice wouldn't it? Or am I expecting too much?

As far as I am aware, we had a good relationship at work - she only messaged me 2 months ago to fill me in on the gossip at her work place, and I have her as a reference on my CV. I don't know what's changed.

Please be kind! I'm already hormonal about this as it is.

Andrewofgg Wed 24-Aug-11 18:23:32

You're happy and they are sad. Their problem. Good luck.

eurochick Wed 24-Aug-11 18:24:42

Could she be TTC and struggling? If you look over at some on the threads on Conception you will see that many people trying find other people's pregnancy announcements difficult to deal with. She might just be leaving your message until she feels she can face replying.

WantToKnowThis Wed 24-Aug-11 18:24:52

Thanks Andrewofgg.

delilahbelle Wed 24-Aug-11 18:25:10

sorry - I think you are over reacting. When I hear someone I know (not a close friend) is pregnant, I generally think 'that's nice' then no more of it. Maybe she meant to congratulate you but forgot. As long as you and your DH are happy that's all that really matters.

GypsyMoth Wed 24-Aug-11 18:25:12

Well babies really aren't a big deal to some people. Some people avoid 'all that stuff'. Their choice I guess


CMOTdibbler Wed 24-Aug-11 18:25:21

Some people are superstitious about congratulating people, or she may be dealing with difficult feelings around pregnancy, or she might just be getting round to replying. Chill out about it

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch Wed 24-Aug-11 18:25:25

It's a shame they can't be polite. I can see why you feel upset.

Congratulations - I think anyone's pregnancy is lovely news

WantToKnowThis Wed 24-Aug-11 18:25:33

No, she's nearly 50 years old. Definitely not TTC and she already has grown up children.

pjmama Wed 24-Aug-11 18:25:45

There could be any one of a number of reasons why she hasn't replied yet, from a simple oversight to personal issues. Don't read too much into.
Congratulations! grin

eurochick Wed 24-Aug-11 18:25:59

Another thought - some people won't offer congratulations until the baby is here for obvious reasons.

belgo Wed 24-Aug-11 18:26:28

Never expect an immediate response on FB. Maybe she hasn't seen the message, maybe she is waiting to phone you, maybe she has a long reply under drafts on her email which she just hasn't sent you yet. Maybe she's clean forgotten, who knows, but there is no need to jump to the conclusion that she isn't happy for you.

Crosshair Wed 24-Aug-11 18:26:42

yanbu for being upset, but I dont think anyone really cares about someone elses pregnancy unless its family ect. The congratulations you get are usually just default polite responses.

WantToKnowThis Wed 24-Aug-11 18:26:58

Thanks ILoveTiffany CMO and GetAway

WantToKnowThis Wed 24-Aug-11 18:28:41

Thanks everyone -

michaelbooblie Wed 24-Aug-11 18:31:03

Firstly, Congratulations on your pregnancy.
It sounds like you have been upset by this because others have also not reacted in the way you had hoped.
I can totally understand that and it is disappointing (also fuelled by pregnancy hormones)
Is it your first ? When i was pregnant with ds1 people were more excited but by the time i was expecting number 3 they were less bothered.
Congrats again !

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Wed 24-Aug-11 18:33:16

Tbh this is why I don't enjoy telling people I'm pg, it's a bit like telling people it's your birthday you are kind of forcing them to say congrats.

diabolo Wed 24-Aug-11 18:34:11

crosshair I find more and more these days that most other people don't give a damn about anyone else's lives. It's quite depressing.

And OP - congratulations!

VaginaPuddleduck Wed 24-Aug-11 18:36:44

I think it's really common for people on facebook to read a message, think "oh, that's nice, I must write a full reply" and then not get round to it for ages.

They forget that the other person can see when they've logged on quickly and accepted a friend request or commented on a photos, or maybe they remember but still have it in the back of their head "oh, I must message x back".

So I wouldn't be getting cross at no response after a few days.

HappyMummyOfOne Wed 24-Aug-11 18:37:49

Can depend on a lot of factors, if its your first or third etc, if the circumstances are good, if they are a close friend etc. However some people go way overboard on the pregnancy thing and believe the world centers around them so depends how your email came across.

It could also be that she hasnt seen the message, if you accidently click on the tab at the top it looks like no new messages until you actually go in and look.

deemented Wed 24-Aug-11 18:39:28

YANBU - i told my sister i was pregnant and she said 'Oh, right'.

LRDTheFeministDragon Wed 24-Aug-11 18:42:06

Congratulations! smile

Sorry, though ... you are pinning too much on your ex-colleague. If I got a message as intimate as that from someone I didn't even work with anyone, I would probably assume it was sent to me in error. That's not a criticism of you being open - just people have different ideas about what tehy share and don't share. I hope I'd remember to reply and say congratulations anyway, but plenty of people have loads of unread messages on facebook if they get spam that way, and it's easy to miss one among many.

If you want people to celebrate with you, why not get them round for a meal or go out for (non-alc!) cocktails or something?

Secondtimelucky Wed 24-Aug-11 18:42:45


But, you are talking about an ex colleague. If you'd told her in person and she'd not said anything, then maybe it would be a bit odd (although even someone past the age of childbearing can have any number of reasons for finding someone else's announcements of pregnancy difficult, whether for their own past or a family member). I often don't get around to answering facebook messages for weeks, that's totally normal. I also forget I haven't answered. I think you're over analysing it.

I think this is common across all sorts of 'announcements' - marriages, promotions, babies. If you aren't personally close to someone, it's really easy to forget to answer a facebook message.

WantToKnowThis Wed 24-Aug-11 18:46:25

Thanks everyone for the replies.

lovebeingathome I wish I'd known this and not said anything now! I never thought of it as the same thing as my birthday!! Omg, I'm so embarrassed now!!

DontGoCurly Wed 24-Aug-11 18:46:34

OP, could it be that you haven't got in touch until you had something to tell them. Are you treating them like an 'audience'

It's just I used to have a 'friend' who never got in touch except occasionally she's ask to meet up. When I'd get there would be others there too all rounded up, it would alawys be some sort of announcement. She's pregnant, she got a house, forget the rest.

She never got in touch unless she had something to announce and showed no interest in other peoples lives.

So could it be that? Could they feel you are just getting in touch to 'show off' kind of thing....?

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