... to be shocked that some dads know so little about their own DC's, even re NUT ALLERGIES!

[dozyrosie]

... Just one example from today. I work in a deli and we have lots of different chocolate and sweets next to the till. I had the following conversation with a man and his DD about 4 yrs old.

man (to dc): would you like this chocolate?
dd: yes, please!
man (to me): what flavour are these?
me: hazel nut
man: oh I don't know if she's allergic to nuts, I better not, I might get in trouble.
me: there are other flavours.
man: no I'll just get one for me.

He paid and left with DD looking most upset. She was very well behaved despite having a farther that offer her chocolate then didn't get it.
Now I've seen dads not have a clue what food their children will eat and I know this can change by the hour with some fussy eaters. But I would have thought with something important, he might try to remember!?!?
Why did he not know weather his DD had a nut allergy

[WilsonFrickett]

Are you sure they were DD and DC and not, say, uncle and neice?

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

Hmm. Maybe she has never eaten nuts just in case? For example if she has a sibling with an allergy?

[dozyrosie]

Wilson - she had called him Daddy earlier.
Endoplastic - she can't go through life never trying nuts. I guess you have a point about siblings though.

[Salmotrutta]

So it's one dad then?

And as Wilson says maybe it was actually not a Dad and daughter.

Maybe she has other food allergys/intolerances and he was being cautious.

[Salmotrutta]

X-post. But you say "some" dads when in actual factit was one.

[Salmotrutta]

fact it

[BalloonSlayer]

My DS1 has a nut allergy, plus other food allergies (not to hazelnuts though). I had to treat my later DCs as if they had the same allergies until they were tested and it was proved they hadn't (about a year old).

I remember being somewhere with DD (about 5 then), when she wanted an ice cream but the only ones they had, had hazelnuts in. She was on the verge of a strop, and I was thinking that I couldn't possibly let her have one because they had nuts in and I didn't know if she was allergic or not . . . then I remembered - I knew she wasn't, as I'd had her tested.

She had the ice cream and was fine but I practically sweated blood while she ate it.

I think I had just got myself into such a habit of worrying about allergies that I was avoiding all sorts of stuff "just in case." So I might well have presented like this Dad on a similar occasion.

I would also add that you only generally become allergic to something after you've eaten it*, so the Dad may have been trying to keep her away from nuts so that she doesn't develop an allergy - maybe a sibling did? - and it came out wrong.

*although developing an allergy to something like birch pollen can make you allergic to some things you have never eaten before so it's not always as simple as that.

[WilsonFrickett]

Our DS really, really hates ice cream. There has been more than one occasion when DH and I have strolled off slurping our cones, leaving DS with nothing, and the ice cream seller has been more than a little bit

[dozyrosie]

This was just the latest example I have seen. And yes I've seen many more fantastic dads out their. I'm just shocked at some of the clueless ones I see.

I also used to work in the children's department of a book shop and I saw dads there who would take great pleasure in choosing books and reading them with their DC's, and this was so lovely to see. But the sad thing is, there were some who had no interest in reading with their children. Some came in for gifts and would not know their children's interests and one who could not remember his DS's age, just that it was his DS's birthday (at least he remembered that).

[worraliberty]

She's probably got a neurotic Mum who makes the Dad feel as though he can't do anything right.

You know the type who keep their children in bubbles incase they breathe in a bit of dust or god forbid the cigarette smoke from someone in the next street.

I know a mum whose daughter develops a new allergy every week in her head

[complexnumber]

So, a bloke comes into your shop with his kids and asks if your products contain nuts.

You say yes, bloke says fair enough, I'll not be buying them.

You then think he, and lots of other dads, are crap.

Did you think that maybe he was thinking of a shop round the corner that did sell the sort of ice cream he was looking for?

You are completely UR

[dozyrosie]

COMPLEX Firstly I'm talking about dads who don't know simple things about their own DC's, not just labelling random dads as crap dads. Also he did not ask if it contained nuts, he asked what flavour it was? There is a difference, especially if his DD did have an allergy. In the end he did get a chocolate for him, just not the chocolate for his DD. He could have walked out empty handed for all I care, that's not the point. I'm just shocked that he did not know a simple yet important fact about his DD.
Worraliberty Good point. I think your friend may shop where I work. I know exactly the type of mum, we get many more than clueless dad's, so maybe I should just rant about those instead.

[Minus273]

I get where you are coming from OP. I work in healthcare and have come across Dads who don't know their child's date of birth (some don't even know their age) or basic information from their medical history. Before I get flamed I have met many wonderful dads too.

[AChickenCalledKorma]

I kind of get where you are coming from. But we have also been in the same position as BalloonSlayer, where we didn't know whether our DDs had/might develop nut allergies and therefore avoided them. And sometimes I said some mad things trying to explain my purchasing decisions. (DH has a life-threatening nut allergy).

I also have a DH who frequently forgets our DDs birth dates or ages. Doesn't mean he's an uninvolved dad. He's just not that into birthdays - his own or anyone else's. So I take care of birthday presents.

He does, however, take the girls cycling, build them dens, help them build stuff out of wood, chat to them about school, show them interesting and tricky maths stuff. Because those are the things that they - and he - enjoy doing together.

Don't know what I'm saying really. Just that you don't know what's going on in other people's families, I guess.

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

My BIL has been known to say about his DS "he's allergic to bananas or strawberries or something".
Its bananas.

[NotJustKangaskhan]

Then you need to talk about parents, not just Dads. There will be Mums who aren't interested in reading or don't know about their child's allergies or other medical histories.

Why some parents don't know will be from the benign forgetfulness/mix-ups (I've messed up DD1's birthdate a few times and my husband mixes up everyone's birth years including his own), or the fact that someone else is the main carer or always deals with the issue (My husband can give you exact details of DD2's skin allergies and her past and current treatment and care as he takes her in and has similar allergies whereas I can tell you little beyond her skin is poorly, she hates being creamed, and her anti-histamine meds that she loves has big warning labels about how it should not be given to alcoholics and can make kids either drowsy or hyperactive), to worra's point about not being allowed to make those choices and freezing up under the pressure. There is the darker end of where they just don't care, but I think the above covers most parents.

[dozyrosie]

I know there are parents that are forgetful or disorganised, I really do get that. I'm possibly the least organised person I know, but I'd like to think I could remember a DOB or simple medical info and their interests. But with some parents (in my experience more dads than mums) it seems more a case of showing no interest in very important aspects of their DC's lives, and I find that very sad.