Not to give my baby equipment to a smoker?

[Mrsgilbertgrape]

I actually know ianbu but have just had a mouthful of the mum involved.

Woman in question has just had a baby and asked our mutual friend for use of my baby things (friends baby 6m younger than mine so she has been using a lot of my things and due to get them back soon), friend told this woman she would have to ask me first as I am hoping for another baby as well.

Just seen the woman at nursery and she asked for the bumbo/bouncy chair/play mat and Moses basket as she can't afford them. I told her no as I know she smokes around her children and I would be unwilling to use my own things after her as I hate the smell of smoke and would worry about the health risks.

I was then called a stuck up cow and told she did not want my skanky things anyway

To which I very childishly replied that if her and her dh did not smoke 60 fags between them each day she would be able to provide for her own child

I know what they smoke everyday because she takes great pleasure in telling everyone how all the doctors are wrong as none of her dc have health problems with her and her dh smoking around them all the time.

This is not a anti smoking thread, I hate people smoking round children but there are worse things a parent can do but surely I have the right to decide if I want my own things that I might need again reeking of smoke or not!

[Andrewofgg]

If you might need them again YANBU. Obvious. Not an issue.

[scrambedeggs]

nope, i wouldnt want them back all smelly either

[DontCallMeBaby]

Absolutely YANBU if you're going to have them back again. And she's vindicated your decision by being such a rude cow, she doesn't deserve them anyway.

[littlemisssarcastic]

YANBU
I'd not want to lend my things out only to have them returned stinking of smoke. Yuk!!!

[fanjobanjowanjo]

YANBU. YADNBU about the anti smoking comments you made to her - if they didn't waste so much money on fags they could afford the things they need.

[SouthernFriedTofu]

no she'd ruin your baby things and she was cheeky to ask knowing that! She also doesn't sound like a close friend so rude to ask anyway!

[Firawla]

yanbu at all, in not lending her or in what you said about she could afford it without the smoking, cos it is true.

[Purplegirlie]

YANBU at all, regardless of the smoking issue I think she's being cheeky asking you for it all for free.

I have a friend that is currently having a baby, she has other children, and they are supposedly skint and she keeps asking for everything that I used for my DS, maternity clothes, baby clothes, baby bath, everything. They say they are skint yet they are still smoking, like you say if people like that didn't smoke then they would have plenty of money to buy baby equipment - and more - with!

[Ephiny]

YANBU to not want to lend her your things, that's entirely your choice. I'm not surprised she was a bit offended by the reason you gave though.

I do see your point - I hate the smell of smoke too, and can't stand seeing people smoke around their children - but you could have just said politely you didn't want to lend them out, rather than getting into childish bickering with her.

[Cocoflower]

I would refuse too.

If she already had children then she probably has at least some equipment anyway- why does she need all yours.

Unless she sold if for fags (cringe- hate that word!)

[Mrsgilbertgrape]

Now I will have to put up with all the glares for her and her posse at pick up time.

I hate bad feeling between people but for goodness sake she should have had this sorted before she gave birth!

[toniguy]

Er no of course YANBU, why would you want your babies smelling of stale smoke.

[emjanedel]

I was in a similar position not so long ago. My friends 18 year old daughter was unexpectedly pregnant. Now this couple has been very generous with their car seat and a few other bits when my DD was born. So i gave them back their car seat back and offering the use of my things.

They asked if they could borrow my moses basket for her bf's house. someone i had never met. I said no and was told they had helped me so i should help them. This couple have been our friends for more then 10 years. It is your stuff you can do with what you want. Do not let them have them if you don't want to.

[Mrsgilbertgrape]

I hate the word as well and did use the word cigarette when talking to her but was being lazy when typing sorry.

[exoticfruits]

I would refuse-they will stink and you won't be able to use them. Smokers don't realise how foul it is.

[ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld]

YANBU Even if you didn't want them back for your own use you may have wanted them back to sell on, assuming they were still in good enough condition to sell.

[Callisto]

Not being unreasonable at all. And 60-a-day? Blimey, how much is that nowadays? £5 per pack, £15 per day, £105 per week!!! Wish I had £100 a week to waste as I wanted.

[Debs75]

YANBU so you just ignore them if she glares at you.
I lent all my baby clothes to friend with the proviso they would come back when my next dd was born 6 months later. They did come back but in the wrong order and I ended up shelling out for new stuff when she had the old stuff all along. If she had smoked then I would never of leant her the stuff

[scrambedeggs]

Now I will have to put up with all the glares for her and her posse at pick up time.

make sure you hold your nose as she goes by

[porcamiseria]

i am a smoker! and YANBU

[johnthepong]

YANBU for not lending her them

YABU for saying why!!! Do you not have any tact??!

[SleepyCaz]

60 cigarettes a day, thats over £17 a day on them Surely they can see that if they even cut down, they'd be so much better off? Mad

YANBU by the way

[scrambedeggs]

YABU for saying why

why? she needs to know that smoking makes stuff stink and discolours it