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to be sad that dp has done nothing for my birthday

(57 Posts)
epeems Wed 24-Aug-11 12:23:48

Granted it is my 41st. He's got no card, he's not helped dd (age 5) make one or buy one). After he went to work, she made a card with me for me. He's not organised a meal or bought me a present. He did say as he was leaving for work that I should e mail him with ideas for a present. He said himself that this was an exercise to prevent me from moaning that I hadn't got one. I wish he'd at least had a little think about this a few weeks/days ago and got himself organised. He's not been overwhelmed with work or anything. We've been on holiday relaxing where he had loads of opportunity to look for something. It was actually his birthday during the holiday. DD had made him 3 cards in advance. On the morning we all sat in bed, opened his cards and presents and then we took him for a meal in the evening.
Is this typical? I'm quite willing to be told I'm unreasonable, it'll make me feel better about it.

celebmum Wed 24-Aug-11 12:26:10

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! grin

sad you are not being unreasonable, could you msg him at work on his break and tell him how sad you are and that you'd like a little fuss?

epeems Wed 24-Aug-11 12:28:15

Thanks celebmum. I did tell him it made me sad this morning but it didn't make a huge impact on him.

ZombiePlan Wed 24-Aug-11 12:28:56

YANBU. It's the thought that counts, and he doesn't seem to have given the situation much thought at all... asking you on your birthday what you'd like as a gift is, IMO, not particularly impressive (especially after he'd thrown in the comment about only asking to stop you moaning)

TobyLeWolef Wed 24-Aug-11 12:30:15

Oh, poor you sad

Happy birthday!

cookielove Wed 24-Aug-11 12:33:10

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

yanbu, everyone deserves a little bit of love on their bday

Katisha Wed 24-Aug-11 12:35:53

I bet you send all the christmas cards and birthday cards/presents for his family as well.

summertimeblews Wed 24-Aug-11 12:38:10

he sounds lovely sad

you have just reminded me how lucky I am

bluecheesefiend Wed 24-Aug-11 12:43:17

Happy birthday!! x x x x x

My DH is not dissimilar. Give him a chance - he may have some sort of surprise line up for this evening.

And if he doesn't, feel free to spend the next year banging on about how hurt you were. That's what I did after my DH did absolutely nothing for my 30th. He makes sure he is more organised about things now wink

You could always text him at work and say something like "I'm not digging, I promise, I just wanted to check that you have arranged Childcare for my surprise slap up meal this evening...?"

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Wed 24-Aug-11 12:48:54

Happy Birthday to you - have a wine on me grin

Take some time today to browse the net (with dd?) and make a shortlist of gifts you'd most like to receive. Book a table for 2 (or 3 if you want dd to join your celebrations) in your favourite restaurant over this coming weekend.

If you don't have a bottle chilling, tell your dh to bring a cold bottle of bubbly or drink of your choice home with him. Present dh with list, inform him of the date/time of celebration meal, open bottle and quaff the contents.

Next year present dh with a wish list of gifts on his birthday and give him regular reminders that it is not unreasonable for you to expect to receive presents and special attention from him on your special day.

summertimeblews Wed 24-Aug-11 12:51:31

My DH is not dissimilar. Give him a chance

is her birthday not on the same day each year? not even a card?

Next year present dh with a wish list of gifts on his birthday and give him regular reminders that it is not unreasonable for you to expect to receive presents and special attention from him on your special day.

wouldnt lower myself - if he cant be arsed and doesnt think enough of me, no way would i beg for special attention ffs!!

Scholes34 Wed 24-Aug-11 12:53:38

Happy birthday to you, and happy birthday to me too! Agree DH could have done more, but don't worry, your DD will kick him into shape before too long.

DCs and DH made me a breakfast of pancakes and fresh fruit, and we're all out for a meal tonight (I've chosen venue, nothing's been booked, so we'll arrive early and hope they have space). I have one present I bought on holiday last week. DH will come up with something additional before the end of the week.

Birthdays aren't quite what they were, but you have to be pro-active sometimes, even if it is your own birthday.

summertimeblews Wed 24-Aug-11 12:54:39

OP did he do something special for you on your 40th?

Callisto Wed 24-Aug-11 12:57:27

YANBU and no, it isn't typical. Your DH sounds like a selfish arse tbh. Can you take yourself and your DD off for a treat somewhere? Nice lunch/coffee and cake/outing or whatever you both like?

And I agree with Summertime - there is no way I would beg, nag or coerce DH into doing anything for me on my birthday (or at any other time). I am worth more than that and DH appreciates and loves me enough to use his own initiative. Can't believe how short some women sell themselves. sad

pigletmania Wed 24-Aug-11 12:59:42

Yanbu my dh sounds exactly the same, one birthday a couple of years ago I got a box of chocolates from him a month late. Ever since I have to remind him a month in advance so he does not 'forget'.

Email him Tiffany website, Harrods, Selfridges or book a nice restaurant and make him pay. Hope you have a lovely day

ChiddelyPie Wed 24-Aug-11 13:00:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KinkyDorito Wed 24-Aug-11 13:05:21

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear epeems
Happy birthday to you.

wine wine wine wine wine wine wine wine and here is some cake

I hope you enjoy the rest of the day and YANBU.

Ephiny Wed 24-Aug-11 13:11:56

You're being a bit unreasonable to be precious about birthdays at your age, all that stuff is for children surely?

He could have made the effort to do something though, if he knew it was important to you.

FancyForgetting Wed 24-Aug-11 13:16:31

Happy Birthday!

It really is just about the lack of thought, isn't it, especially when you're the one who makes sure it happens for the rest of the family? I've had a lot of birthdays(!) and am no fan of conspicuous consumption or huge parties. And I always get a nice gift, which we usually buy together, often in advance, which is fine. However, it would be so nice to think that the card wasn't a last-minute purchase, and picking up a cake from M&S would be a lovely idea - I can't bring myself to make or buy my own cake - that seems just too sad for words!

It's my birthday next month and I found myself declaring to DH and DD in a rather nice shop last weekend that I would be happy with a gift from there, and a particular pair of earrings would be most acceptable. I was embarrassed to realise another chap had overheard and might think I was some sort of controlling Birthdayzilla, given the way he was looking at me. However, maybe I'll get my earrings or something equally nice and maybe his wife won't have to resort to my pathetic ways!

scrambedeggs Wed 24-Aug-11 13:18:37

YANBU and no, it isn't typical. Your DH sounds like a selfish arse tbh.

there is no way I would beg, nag or coerce DH into doing anything for me on my birthday (or at any other time). I am worth more than that

this ^

emjanedel Wed 24-Aug-11 13:19:38

Its my birthday today as well. Although DP has got me lovely gifts and cards. Only my dads family has bothered. Nothing from my mums side or from DP's family. Remind me again who sends them cards and presents?

pigletmania Wed 24-Aug-11 13:21:33

Epithany you sound just like my dh. Just because we are adults we have to turn all boring. It's nice as someone said to have a bit of love from at least your significant other

scrambedeggs Wed 24-Aug-11 13:22:50

my OH is already thinking about what we should do for our significant anniversary next year, bless him

upahill Wed 24-Aug-11 13:24:54

Happy birthday epeems!!

You're being a bit unreasonable to be precious about birthdays at your age, all that stuff is for children surely? Are you joking ephiny?

I love all the fuss DH and kids make for me for my birthday. I love getting nice presents and cards from them and look forward to our meal out.

In turn I make a massive fuss over them. In fact I have been planning DH's birthday now and it is not until October and bought some presents already!

*

didyouseewhatshedid Wed 24-Aug-11 13:26:25

my OH is already thinking about what we should do for our significant anniversary next year, bless him
I'm sure OP is feeling much better having read that scrambedeggs

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