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to go on holiday with out my dds when they havnt had one this year.

(230 Posts)
twoteens Wed 24-Aug-11 11:45:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Changing2011 Wed 24-Aug-11 11:46:53

erm, yep just a bit. Selfish cow!

squeakytoy Wed 24-Aug-11 11:48:42

How about you start saving up, and take your kids away. Yes, you are selfish.

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 24-Aug-11 11:50:00

I'd be very tempted too OP, but I couldn't live with the guilt.
I'm very jealous that you're getting all these free holidays though, I wish I had friends like yours.

ShoutyHamster Wed 24-Aug-11 11:51:17

I think that as they've made the point - as in, they've seen this as an injustice - then they do have a point. The point is that if your daughters feel that this is unfair, you'd want to listen to them, right? You'd want them to feel ok about stuff, and not left out, especially where it concerns a new relationship. You want them to feel as positive as they can about a new relationship and not pushed out.

So even if logically it's all fair on the surface, if your little girls FEEL it's not, I think you should listen. It's important that they see you listen to them.

Can there be a middle ground? Why haven't your girls done their activity camp - is it lack of funds? Even if he pays, there will be costs for you. Could you go for a shorter break and divert some funds into a short break for you and the girls?

worraliberty Wed 24-Aug-11 11:54:29

The kids get a week off school in October.

Can you not choose a cheaper holiday in the UK for you all to go on?

BabyDubsEverywhere Wed 24-Aug-11 11:55:43

So you've already had two weeks away from your dC and its normally 3 weeks a year off with the activity camp. Shared care with Ex and your mom sounds pretty handy too.....Really sound like you need MORE 'me time' hmm

I don't like the sound of that tbh. If he wants to be with you that should include your girls, especially on week long breaks abroad.

going Wed 24-Aug-11 11:57:15

How old are the kids?

twoteens Wed 24-Aug-11 11:57:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Changing2011 Wed 24-Aug-11 11:58:27

I could NEVER go on holiday (unless honeymoon or kids grown up) without my little ones. I would spend the whole time thinking "oh, they would love this/that, they would really enjoy it". I even felt like that on a work trip blush

My mum and her husband always made a big point of "them time" and adult only hols, we got to go to Haven once a year hmm I felt they were selfish and self indulgent. If you want the nice things in life and dont want to share, why have kids?

Changing2011 Wed 24-Aug-11 11:59:30

if you have been in this relationship 7 years why can your wonderful bloke not pay for the kids to go as well?

Pakdooik Wed 24-Aug-11 12:00:36

Yes - totally unreasonable

Takitezee Wed 24-Aug-11 12:01:10

YABU.

A long weekend away would be ok but a whole week is a proper holiday and unfair. If your partner is prepared to pay for you and him then could you save the money for your children and go next year?

Otherwise, if your partner does just want a week away for the two of you then I think it's fairer to do it whilst they're on holiday with their Dad.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern Wed 24-Aug-11 12:02:35

I actually don think YABU.
If you were part of a couple saying that you go abroad every year without the dc then people would be telling you that you need your own time for your marriage etc. so not sure how this is so different.

We don't go abroad every year in fact now of my dc have ever been abroad for various reasons. We do have family breaks or the older 2 got to Grannie's or their dad's.

It is hard when you have a new relationship and both have dc I've been there and it is so unfair to be beaten with that "you come as a package" stick.
Yes I come as a package with my dc now dh knew and understood that but it didn't mean we couldn't or shouldn't have spent time alone developing our relationship as a couple either.

twoteens Wed 24-Aug-11 12:02:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DilysPrice Wed 24-Aug-11 12:03:23

My parents went on two holidays without me when I was a child, to places that I have never gone to myself. Thirty years later I still sulk if the countries in question are mentioned. (clearly IABU, because if I really wanted to go that much I could have gone by now, but my point is that these things do fester).

rookiemater Wed 24-Aug-11 12:03:55

Can you not afford a holiday with the children at all? I understand that they are expensive but something like caravanning saving up vouchers or something. It just seems really sad that you have no holidays at all with your children and that you and your partner would choose to go away on your own rather than doing something together.

ChristinedePizan Wed 24-Aug-11 12:04:03

But they haven't had a holiday with you for four years, whatever they do with other people.

I can see their POV entirely and I think you should say thanks but no thanks. Long weekend, fine, week, no.

bubblesincoffee Wed 24-Aug-11 12:05:01

I go abroad once or twice a year without my children, they have a lovely time with their Dad. But if I couldn't afford to take them abroad too, I wouldn't go. The fact that someone else is paying is irrelevant. The three of you are a family, if you can't all afford to have a holiday, then none if you should.

Takitezee Wed 24-Aug-11 12:05:34

I've just seen that they are 14 and 15 so older than I imagined and perhaps a week with them and the newish (I presume) dp might not be so much fun

They are old enough to know about money so why not tell them they'll have to do without activities and other every day extras if you need to save for a holiday abroad for next year.

rookiemater Wed 24-Aug-11 12:05:38

Ok 8mths into the relationship is different.

You need to go on holiday with your children at some stage, if you had regular holidays with them and by that I mean time spent away from home doing things together does not need to be expensive. If you had regular holidays with your DC then it would not be so bad that you go abroad with your DP, but it does seem unfair if they don't get to spend time with you when you are not working.

Changing2011 Wed 24-Aug-11 12:05:53

As for my insulting comment - imagine if your DD's felt the same as me? How would that make you feel? Put yourself in their position, if you are struggling financially they are not likely to be having a life of luxury either, unfortunately for them they havent got a new beau to whisk them away!

GwendolineMaryLacey Wed 24-Aug-11 12:06:15

No I couldn't do it. We don't do an awful lot of abroad holidays but wherever we go it's all together. Not saying you shouldn't ever have child free holidays but not when it's the only holidays you're having.

steamedtreaclesponge Wed 24-Aug-11 12:06:36

I don't think YABU and really don't know why everyone is calling you selfish for wanting to go on a holiday that someone else has offered to take you on!

But I do get why your girls feel that it's unfair. Is there any way that you could do a cheaper weekend away with your DP and use the spare money to take a short break away with all of you together?

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