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to tell my mate to bog off?

(10 Posts)
toshibatelly Wed 24-Aug-11 10:10:23

Okay not literally but I do feel she is starting to take the p*ss a bit.

I have a friend I have known for nearly 10 years. We met through work and used to socialise outside of work with her and her DH. I then got a new job and moved an hour away to live with my DP but still made sure to visit her lots (she had DC1 by then).

I did the travelling as at first she couldnt drive, then when she got her driving licence she wasnt confident enough to drive to where I live.

Over the next few years she and her DH went through a lot of problems, had DC2, then had a really nasty seperation. Throughout it all I was there for her and travelled to visit as much as I could (by now she had moved to be an hour and a half away from my home). I have since had 2 DCs myself and have repeatedly dragged DC1 and DP on the 3 hour round trip to visit her and her DCs.

Since I have had DC2 earlier this year I havent been able to get down to visit her because DP lost his job and needed to use our car for work (he used to have a work van) and he often works at weekends too so when we get a rare free weekend its nice for us to spend it together at home so he has time with our DCs. Also fuel is expensive and we're broke as I'm on maternity leave). My friend has been on at me constantly since DC2 was born to go and visit her saying how much she wanted to meet our new baby. She once said to me she would love to come and visit us but it is so difficult travelling with 2 children but if I fancied I could go to her! (is it not hard for me travelling with 2?!)

The thing that annoys me though is that she is in our town fairly regularly. She normally gets a lift with someone so I understand she cant always stop but she could more often. She visited us once when DC2 was 4 months but only because we had collected concert tickets for her and her new boyf and they needed to pick them up and she wanted to change at our house before the concert. She was in our town the other week with her DCs and new boyf and texted me after to say sorry she couldnt visit but they were so busy they didnt have time. This is her usual excuse for not coming when she is nearby (even though she literally has to drive past my house en route into town).

So (thanks if you've read this far!) AIBU to think that if she cant spare half an hour out of her day to visit me when she's in my town anyway then I'm not going to give up an entire day to drive all the way down to visit her?

Shutupanddrive Wed 24-Aug-11 10:23:01

YANBU, if she can't be bothered to make an effort then why should you? Did you point out that you also had to travel with 2 children?

sadlydoingshineypenguins Wed 24-Aug-11 10:26:16

The road's the same length both ways, and unless I've read it wrong, your DC2 is younger than hers. She's using you and guilt tripping you and no way would I be driving up the road to see her if she couldn't be bother to pop in for a coffee when she's literally driving past.

Bog off ? I'd be telling her to get to fuck.

InstantAtom Wed 24-Aug-11 10:26:35


SinicalSal Wed 24-Aug-11 10:29:01

YANBU at all.

ShoutyHamster Wed 24-Aug-11 10:30:34

'I'm sorry, I'm too busy at the moment to spend a day coming down to visit you - just as you were too busy to call in when you were in our town recently. Also, just as you say, it's difficult to drive with 2 children in tow. Also, I'm on maternity leave so don't have the spare cash to make the three-hour trip that I've made SO MANY TIMES IN THE PAST. I think it's your turn to come to me, tbh - why don't you make some time to call in next time you're in our town?'

She is royally taking the piss!

gorionine Wed 24-Aug-11 10:32:22


shutupanddrive some people have no common sense. I have had this very same traveling issue with my own sister who is adament(sp?) that it is easier for me to travel abroad with 4dcs to see her than it is for her with her two Dcs coming to ours. Go figure!

MerylStrop Wed 24-Aug-11 10:35:54

I wouldn't actually tell her to bog off
But I deffo wouldn't be hauling my ass over to see her until she make a bit more effort herself

Renaissance227 Wed 24-Aug-11 10:38:32

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Sounds like she is using you and your kind nature.
Tell her to sod off or get her lazy arse to your house more often.

Takitezee Wed 24-Aug-11 10:41:01

YANBU. She wants your friendship but only if you do all the hard work, I wouldn't bother with her anymore.

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