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To think DP should cancel today's visit from DD?

(95 Posts)
nosexpleaseimpregnant Wed 24-Aug-11 08:00:14

My DP's DD is due to visit today at 9am. We normally have her from 9am today until 5pm tomorrow but this week my DP has had to work over night from monday until sunday. Instead of cancelling initially, he and his ex agreed that he would have her just during the day today and take her back early afternoon. Things were sorted at work, his partner said he could sleep from 1am til 6am which would have given him plenty of rest to be able to look after DD. Unfortunately things didn't work out and everything that could go wrong did go wrong, so he had zilch sleep.
I spoke to him at 7am, and he already sounds like he is hanging out of his arse so I suggested cancelling DD as I don't feel it would be fair on her. His answer? I could look after her for an hour or so whilst he sleeps and then his ex could pick her up from me later in the afternoon (she wants him to drop her off after he's supposed to have left for work).
I think this is totally unfair on everyone involved. It's unfair on DD as her day will undoubtedly be shit and boring. Unfair to expect me to look after her while he sleeps. Unfair on his ex to pick DD up from me, I'm sure I'm the last person she wants to be civil to.
So AIBU? Or should I just shut up and see her in an hour?

mypersonalfavourite Wed 24-Aug-11 08:04:51

Yabu. Other words fail me.

dilbertina Wed 24-Aug-11 08:05:41

I think cancelling at this late stage will be upsetting for the DD and infuriating for her mother who presumably has plans.

dexter73 Wed 24-Aug-11 08:07:22

Not quite sure why it unfair on you to have to look after your dp's dd for an hour. Sounds to me like you aren't that keen on her coming over and are looking for an excuse to cancel.

KAZAMM Wed 24-Aug-11 08:07:24

Don't cancel It's not fair to the DD and if I read your OP right then he will still spend time with her before his work right?

Alibabaandthe80nappies Wed 24-Aug-11 08:08:02

Frankly you sound like a bitch.

HTH smile

lisad123 Wed 24-Aug-11 08:09:40

It's only an hour, think of something fun to do with her, then it won't be a problem. So yes yabu

caesar04 Wed 24-Aug-11 08:10:25

YABU. You don't want to look after your DP's daughter FOR AN HOUR... while he catches up on some sleep???

Why will her day be shit and boring? Oh yes because you frankly couldn't care less.


Lulumama Wed 24-Aug-11 08:11:02

surely you knew he had a DD when you got together? you wouldn't not look after your own children due to tiredness, so the same should go for his children

it's not unfair to expect you to do the right thing for one measly hour, for his daughter, who you should consider part of the family

nosexpleaseimpregnant Wed 24-Aug-11 08:13:16

No Alib it really doesn't and for the do you.
I think you are all being unfair to say that I seem to want an excuse for her not to come over, that is not true I adore DSD and have always made sure that I am off work on the days she comes over.
After being awake from 2pm yesterday I think he is expecting too much of himself to be awake all day, then all night again. That would be 42 hours with no sleep. I did suggest we have her for extra next week to make up for it.

msbuggywinkle Wed 24-Aug-11 08:15:38

Not fair to his DD. I say that having been the child let down by a NRP.

Resident parents have to care for their children on very little sleep sometimes (she says, yawning!) I really don't see why a NRP should be able to cancel caring for their child because of lack of sleep.

I don't see that you have a responsibility to care for his DD, but it would be a kind thing to do.

nosexpleaseimpregnant Wed 24-Aug-11 08:15:40

Sorry but it will not be for an hour. He has already admitted that it would ideally be an hour but will probably be more. And yes, I knew he had a daughter. It was me that paid all of his solicitors fee's to get the access that he gets now, I find it really offensive that I'm being berated in such a vile way.

Whatmeworry Wed 24-Aug-11 08:16:19

Cue thread in a few hours time from ExW about controlling bitchy behaviour of DH's OW who waited till the last minute to cancel looking after kid for one measly hour......

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 24-Aug-11 08:17:28

So, hang on.

You don't want to entertain his daughter for an hour, after her weekend has already turned into a short day. AND
His ex would consider you the last person she wanted to be civil to, which implies that this man left her for you.

You're not the ex-wife posting a cross-AIBU, are you?

nosexpleaseimpregnant Wed 24-Aug-11 08:17:51

Just out of interest, what would you all be suggesting if I had to work today? I swapped out of a shift to ensure I was here, had I not done that would you still say IABU?

Mitmoo Wed 24-Aug-11 08:17:53

Then let him sleep and take her out. To be honest, I'd give the child the choice of a day with you or a day with her Mum, from that sounds of these posts the DSD might be mightily relieved at not having to be with you for a "shit and boring" day that you've got planned for her.

dexter73 Wed 24-Aug-11 08:18:42

Love it when someone posts an AIBU and then gets really cross when people say yes!

MamaChoo Wed 24-Aug-11 08:18:50

Did you have important plans for that hour while he is asleep? If not, why is it unfair for you to spend some time with a child you "adore"? Go get breakfast together, spoil her at Claire's Accessories, paint your nails, have some fun, make up for the fact you think the rest of the day will be boring. It does sound like YABVU.

exoticfruits Wed 24-Aug-11 08:18:57

Well you are being unreasonable! You get DP and you get his DD -he doesn't come alone. I should start building up your own relationship-do things with just the 2 of you and have fun. She isn't an optional extra.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Wed 24-Aug-11 08:19:30

You asked aibu, everyone has said yes, you say no I'm not and your all horrible. Sounds like a pretty ave thread to me.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 24-Aug-11 08:19:38

Oh, okay, you're not.

Well, for the record:

His ex would probably rather be civil to you for a few minutes than have her entire weekend cancelled at the last second.
His daughter would rather see him that not.
I'm sure we can help come up with ways to entertain her, if it's such a huge burden for you to do it. How old is she?

Whatmeworry Wed 24-Aug-11 08:20:19

I find it really offensive that I'm being berated in such a vile way


LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Wed 24-Aug-11 08:20:52

What was the point o swapping shifts? Why do you only want to be with her if your dp is there?

Sofabitch Wed 24-Aug-11 08:21:08

God I wish I didn't have to look after my children after a night shift. Yabu. Buy so is your dp. He shouldn't think it's ok to go to bed whilst he has his dd

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 24-Aug-11 08:21:17

If he had to fight for custody, and you helped him, I'd think you'd want to help him ensure that the custody arrangement is stuck to as closely as possible, incidentally.

I wouldn't take it kindly if a NRP cost me a fortune in a custody battle and then, having won his point, started cancelling entire weekends.

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