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To not encourage DS (2.8) to have sweets at a party.

(97 Posts)
larks35 Tue 23-Aug-11 22:26:26

DS was invited to a party which he and I went to recently. He's never had sweets and we never have them in the house. I don't have a problem if he wants them at other people's houses but I don't want to be the one to introduce sweets to him. DP is more anti-sweets than I am and doesn't allow his mum to give them to DS (my parents wouldn't as my dad was a dentist).

Anyway we were at this party and in the process of a good old-fashioned game of pass the parcel DS gets a lolly, he inspected it then gave it to me and I put in down. A few more goes later and he gets a bag of fizzy things, this time DS gives me the sweets then asks me for a banana, I tell him that maybe he can have something later (no bananas with me). The lovely mum hosting the party came and gave DS some raisons and he was fine.

However, after the games were over, I had several mums come up and ask if DS had allergies or something wrong that meant he couldn't have sweets! I just explained that he had never had them and didn't know what they were. I then felt distinctly uncomfortable with some of these mums, I felt as though they were thinking I was some sort of sanctamonial cow for not giving sweets to my DS. I also felt from some of the comments that they were feeling as though my decision not to give sweets to DS was a judgement on them and it wasn't! Not in the least!

I'm a bit gutted to be honest as I rarely get to meet other mums from my DS's childminder friends and I think they now see me as something I'm not, just cos I didn't unwrap the lolly and stuff it in his mouth!

Hi larks, personally I don't think you are being U. But I certainly found I was in a minority on the issue of giving sweets to young children. I was very much the same as you when DS was younger. All these sweets are totally unnecessary. DS is now 6 - gets very excited when sweets are given out, has a couple, then wants no more. So I feel my parenting worked on this issue for us.

It does seem to be a very personal issue tho and people get very sensitive about it.

Marne Tue 23-Aug-11 22:34:36

My dd's dont often have sweets, at parties dd1 will hand me sweets, i put them in my handbag and they get forgotton about (until they melt and stick to my car keys), i would be happy for them to eat them if they wanted too (parties are ment for sweets and crap food) but they dont really like them ,they would prefer some chocolate as a treat rather than sweets. No one has ever judged me for the dd's not being keen on sticky, chewey sweets. Take no notice of them. My dd's have never had fizzy drinks, i dont buy them and i dont like them.

MrsLevinson Tue 23-Aug-11 22:35:06

I think you did the right thing. Until he is actually aware of what sweets are and is asking to have them, then there is no reason to give him them, he is not being deprived of something he doesn't actually want.
I wouldn't worry what any of the other mums think. It's actually none of their business anyway. Just as you weren't passing judgement on them, then they shouldn't on you. And it's perfectly reasonable not to feed your child sweets!
However, as someone who was never allowed any sweets whatsoever as a child, I am aware that banning something altogether can make it the 'forbidden fruit' and much more desirable. I like to adopt thing 'everything in moderation' approach with my DC and teach them that sweets are ok from time to time, but just as a treat. I think your approach is spot on.

larks35 Tue 23-Aug-11 22:42:30

Thanks all for responses. MrsLevinson I totally agree about the "forbidden fruit" thing. As a child of a dentist, I was never allowed sweets or chocs at home and I would often sneakily buy masses of them with saved pocket money and then feel really guilty! I don't want that for DS but as you say he doesn't know what they are yet and given that he is a fussy eater I would like to keep it that way at the moment!

exoticfruits Tue 23-Aug-11 22:54:12

Since he is little more than a baby and doesn't know what they are I can't see why they thought it odd. It would be different if he was older ,knew what they were, and you were not letting him have them when he had won them.

exoticfruits Tue 23-Aug-11 22:55:17

I wouldn't put lollies like that in a pass the parcel-bound to get sticky hands everywhere and lollies just dropped everywhere!

Sidge Tue 23-Aug-11 22:55:30

You do realise that the raisins have just as much sugar in them as the sweets?

But no child MUST have sweets. Don't waste time worrying what other parents might or might not be thinking about you.

winnybella Tue 23-Aug-11 22:57:57

What Sidge said about sugar content of raisins.

And why don't you allow him bananas? confused

MrsRhettButler Tue 23-Aug-11 23:00:33

hes clearly not interested in them so there is no problem. i dont understand these people who stuff sweets in their babies mouths, i mean whats the point if it werent for the parents the babies wouldnt have a clue!

my cousin used to call me mean for not giving dd juice in a bottle! her son never had water, her reasoning was that she wouldnt want water so why should she give it to him? hmm umm because hes 6 mnths old and doesnt need juice....

MrsRhettButler Tue 23-Aug-11 23:01:41

excuse the lack of apostrophies blush im not on my ipad for the first time in months and have become lazy because it usually adds them in for me!

tattychicken Tue 23-Aug-11 23:03:42

I'm sorry that's bollocks! For a nearly three year old to have the odd sweet at a party is entirely normal. Not every day, not every week, but on special occasions yes. Weird not to IMO.

exoticfruits Tue 23-Aug-11 23:05:25

He wasn't in the least bothered. I doubt whether he really understood pass the parcel!

MrsRhettButler Tue 23-Aug-11 23:06:12

i dont think the op is saying its not normal to have sweets but if her son showed no interest then why shove one in his mouth?

pookamoo Tue 23-Aug-11 23:08:05

winny the OP just said she didn't have any bananas with her.

I would probably have done similar to the OP. DD is 2.10 and she would prefer fruit to sweets.

larks35 Tue 23-Aug-11 23:10:03

I am aware about sugar content in raisins (dad constantly reminds all of us of that!) and winnybella I do allow DS bananas of course I do I just didn't have any with me and didn't want to be a pain and ask for one. To be fair to the host her DD is 4 but many of the children there were younger and most were having sweets and I really think many of the parents felt sorry for my DS as they thought he was being deprived!

MrsRhettButler - DS still only has milk or water. He likes having water in different coloured cups so he has pink water, blue water, green water etc. He is happy with that and when I've given him watered down orange juice he's spat it out and said he doesn't like it!

worraliberty Tue 23-Aug-11 23:10:17

The bit I'm struggling with is this....*I had several mums come up and ask if DS had allergies or something wrong that meant he couldn't have sweets!*

I think it would be quite odd for one Mum to ask why my child didn't eat them...but several? confused

Really, some people need to busy themselves with their own kids and bugger what other kids are doing/eating.

Whatmeworry Tue 23-Aug-11 23:10:17

Guess whose going to be a sweet-piggy the first party Mum's not there grin

Sidge Tue 23-Aug-11 23:13:49

So why are you so anti-sweets if you let him have raisins? (Not being snarky, genuinely curious).

Both are incredibly sweet and sugary and stick to the teeth!

I do see what you're saying about the other mums though, I find it odd that so many would question you about sweets. My DD2 never has sweets (medical reasons) so wouldn't know how to unwrap them even if she was given them! grin

sunnydelight Tue 23-Aug-11 23:14:32

YANBU at all unless you were doing that loud "oh DARLING, how clever of you to give those nasty sugary things to mummy, they're not NICE are they, you'd prefer a BANANA wouldn't you" thing with smug looks at other parents whose kids were cramming the sweets into their mouths as fast as they can grin

larks35 Tue 23-Aug-11 23:16:16

tattychicken - I think that is what the other mums at the party thought but he's never had sweets and doesn't know what they are and I don't personally want to introduce them to him.

exoticfruits - you're right he didn't really understand the game at all and was quite disappointed that he couldn't just rip all the paper off and get to the toy!

worraliberty Tue 23-Aug-11 23:22:55

I think as well, mums with more than one child find it inwardly amusing at times...and think 'yeah, wait til the next one's that age and sees their sibling's sweets' Lol

tattychicken Tue 23-Aug-11 23:23:37

I take it he's a PFB?

Tryharder Tue 23-Aug-11 23:24:16

I used to go to a preschool group where the children were routinely served a beaker of squash and a sweet biscuit of choice. There was one woman who always made a big show about giving her 2 children plain water and oatcakes instead. Unfortunately she came across as being very judgemental and santimonious: Whether you came across that way, OP, I can't say.

But, your child, your choice. If I had my way, my DCs wouldn't eat sweets at all but unfortunately, I am often overruled by my DH who doesn't bother at all about such things and my DM who thinks her DGCs are deprived if they havent had the opportunity to stuff their faces with sweets and sugary stuff.

larks35 Tue 23-Aug-11 23:24:43

Sidge - I'm not necessarily anti-sweets I just don't eat them myself and see no real value in them. TBH its my DP who is more anti-sweets and I don't think he realises that raisins have a similar sugar content. I will say that although a bag of raisins and a bag of sweets might have the same sugar content I would think that there is probably a lot more nutritional value in the raisins than in the sweets.

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