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AIBU to want him punished properly this time?

(22 Posts)
fiodyl Tue 23-Aug-11 21:43:24

Just found out ExP has stolen my bank card and withdrawn 500pounds from my account! He has been in trouble before ( theft,shoplifting, assault and criminal damage) but always seems to 'get away with it' i.e fines he doesn't to pay or community sentences- which he conveniently becomes too ill to attend.

Is it too much to hope that, given his past record, that this time he gets a proper punishment (whatever that may be!) and is made to see it through this time?

LoopyLoopsPussInBoots Tue 23-Aug-11 21:44:54

Did he know your PIN?

MissVerinder Tue 23-Aug-11 21:46:51

You'll be lucky.

How did he steal your card?

worraliberty Tue 23-Aug-11 21:58:43

Think more info is needed

thisisyesterday Tue 23-Aug-11 22:01:02

well how did he know your PIN?

fiodyl Tue 23-Aug-11 22:14:41

ExP came with me and the DC on a day out on sunday and the DC asked him to read bedtime story for them after we got home. I went up after to say goodnight to them- this is when I assume he took the bank card then. I'm guessing he saw my PIN earlier in the day as I know I withdrew cash at the beach to buy the DC fish n chips for tea. But until I hear his pathetic excuse side of the story or get info from the bank, I don't know.

didyouseewhatshedid Tue 23-Aug-11 22:17:46

You get what you deserve going out for the day with vermin like this Im afraid.

thisisyesterday Tue 23-Aug-11 22:21:07

so did he stand looking over your shoulder when you took money out?
i mean you've got to look quite closely to see what someone is putting in surely?

is there no other way he could have seen it?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 23-Aug-11 22:24:01

Clearly you can't go out for the day with him. Or trust him. Or leave him alone with your possessions.

A very hard lesson for you.

And yes, I hope he is punished.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Tue 23-Aug-11 22:29:10

Sounds a lovely guy.

Is he funding some sort of habit?

fiodyl Tue 23-Aug-11 22:35:36

Like I said I don't know exactly what happened just that my card is missing and money is missing from my account.

pretty sure I'm not gonna see the money again as it seems to be my fault-not covering my pin/giving him the opportunity to take the card un-noticed etc.

also not hopeful he will get any real come back for this from police/court either!

thisisyesterday Tue 23-Aug-11 22:38:07

yes, sadly if it has been accessed via your PIN they will ask questions as to how the person knew it.

have you reported it? have you spoken to him?

fiodyl Tue 23-Aug-11 22:52:41

btw if it wasnt bcos he is the DCs father and they had asked him to come/read story I wouldn't have spent any time with him at all and even this contact is as limited as possible. I also hadn't had him in my house for over a year due to him being an arsehole whos personality changes when not in public plus I had noticed small things like bags of crisps or nail clippers go missing after he had visited. Other people had noticed this about him too but (apart from when he borrowed a mates laptop then sold it) never anything of value.

AIBU to think the fact he was never made to suffer the consequences of this (relatively) minor stuff it has made him think why not see if he can get away with worse stuff cos there is never any punishment?

TheSecondComing Tue 23-Aug-11 22:56:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominsAreScary Tue 23-Aug-11 23:00:47

This happened to my exp he split up with his gf she chucked him out, his bankcard was still in the house and she knew the pin so took money out.

The bank refunded it then took her to court for the money back

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 23-Aug-11 23:04:12

Have you reported the theft?

fiodyl Tue 23-Aug-11 23:11:35

yes its reported to the bank who have stopped the card and to the police. I am going to the police station in the morning to make a statement and they have told me they will get more details about the withdrawl and cctv from the bank.

thisisyesterday- I have tried to ring him but no answer and his mobile has been cut off- not sure what I would say anyway

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Wed 24-Aug-11 00:39:42

Although I'm sure you're desperate to sound off at him for an explanation, I would suggest that you refrain from speaking with your ex about this matter until such time as any police investigations/court proceedings are complete.

Should the police take a statement from you I suspect that they will advise you similarly, and I would further suggest that you also avoid telling any friends/family that may be in contact with your ex of this latest development.

If you are not recompensed by your bank, should this matter come before a court you can ask the CPS solicitor/barrister to seek an order of restitution on conviction of the guilty party before sentence is passed.

Given the circumstances, if your ex should be found guilty of the alleged crime I see no reason why the Court should not order restitution in full of the sum allegely stolen from you.

Depending on the financial circumstances of the convicted party, restitution may be ordered over a period time and payments will be required to be paid into Court before being forwarded to you.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Wed 24-Aug-11 00:45:54

I'm sure you've already learned the bitter lesson that no matter how plaintively your dc may plead, or no matter what the occasion, there is no way you can entertain your ex in your home again without fear that other items may mysteriously disappear.

fiodyl Wed 24-Aug-11 07:56:36

definatley agree hes not coming to the house again...don't particularly want him having contact at all with DC but I know they have a right to see him if they want. Plus if I stop all contact he will be round knocking on the door- something which would upset the DC especially as I wouldn't let him in.

before this happened I tried looking at arranging supervised contact sessions (so I didn't have to be around him , but the children could still see their dad) but it seems like they are only available if courts/social services are involved- something I would rather avoid. don't think it would be possible to get friends to supervise either- anyone that I would trust, wouldn't have him in their houses either.

Mitmoo Wed 24-Aug-11 08:05:53

fiodl for the contact issue can you tell me how old your child is to see if I can offer anything of help on that one.

fiodyl Wed 24-Aug-11 09:00:37

mitmoo they are 4 and 5 years old

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