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to have absolutely no idea what to do :(

(44 Posts)
StrawberryTot Tue 23-Aug-11 20:32:58

Sorry to post in AIBU but i really am struggling and need advice!!!

So the back story my 2.8 year old DS has thankfully always been a good sleeper apart from when he was a newborn but we won't go into that putting him in bed with a story, kisses quick cuddles and leave was a doddle and he slept althrough the night until recently sad

Now he screams when going in his room, when i get him in and start reading he settles but as soon as i leave he starts screaming again, if i put off going to him for a couple of minutes he settles to sleep but he now wakes in the night and screams non stop sad I have tried comforting/ cuddling/ kissing as well as reading to settle him this works till i leave again, i've tried control crying, as well as super nanny's advice of not talking to them and putting them back in bed. However this just doesn't seem to work as i was up till half 5 this morning doing this.

At one point he did say he was scared of the aliens in his bedroom so my DP and I got the hoover and sucked them all up and threw them out the window, DS now says they have gone but still cries.

My relationship with my DS has been a very difficult one and whilst dropping him off at nursery I found myself crying wondering what the f*ck i've done wrong.

So aibu as to have no idea what else to do?

Sorry for the long openning post sad

pranma Tue 23-Aug-11 20:34:38

Maybe better on Behaviour and Development than AIBU but YANBU at all smile

shuckleberryfinn Tue 23-Aug-11 20:38:43

YABU in that kids just do that and it's nothing you've done, did yer mam not blame you for her grey hairs?

In other words you've done nothing wrong, kids aren't little grown ups and they don't develop in a straight line. Forgive yourself hinny and do whatever it takes to give yourself a good nights sleep.

ImperialBlether Tue 23-Aug-11 20:41:47

Can I ask why your relationship with your son is difficult (apart from this, I mean?)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 23-Aug-11 20:41:56

Aww... I'm smiling at the Alien-Removal Service you've been operated but sorry to hear that you're having trouble getting your little one to sleep.

Nightlight? Extra milk before bedtime? A story? Warm bath?

I use my magic weapon.... a special spray of magic mummy perfume on the pillow (Jo Malone)...

I expect some other posters will appear with some good advice for you. smile

strictlovingmum Tue 23-Aug-11 20:44:45

Very real fear OP, there is term for those; Night Terrors. Here is the link, we had those with DD, thanks to this website, I did exactly what they advised, and had it nipped in the bud.
Good lucksad

Whatmeworry Tue 23-Aug-11 20:45:51

I assume you have an Alien-scaring night-light?

BonneKers Tue 23-Aug-11 20:48:08

Could you move the furniture round so it all looks and feels different perhaps?

BaldricksTurnip Tue 23-Aug-11 20:50:55

Our oldest son did this at roughly the same age after having been an amazing sleeper. After lots of Googling it seems that it's very common at this age for previously good sleepers to go through a bad patch of night waking/crying etc. From what I read, it's to do with mental development, dreaming, imagination all coming in to play. We let him sleep in with us for a bit then gradually got him to sleep next to us in his own bed, then moved to the other bedroom leaving him and his baby brother in the room together. He does still wake up sometimes and my husband goes and sleeps on the camp bed in the boys room (his job as I'm 36 weeks pg!) but he's a million times better than he was. It's most likely a phase so just try and ride it out.

Takitezee Tue 23-Aug-11 20:57:04

I wouldn't carry on with the just putting him back to bed thing as it sounds as though he is genuinely frightened of something rather than wanting to stay up and trying it on.

I've seen lots of good ideas but I've looked for the links and can't find them! I know that dream catchers, special sprays and cuddley toys to keep guard have been used.

Good luck and it's nothing you've done, children just go through different phases in their lives.

kangers Tue 23-Aug-11 20:57:09

My eldest DS did this a lot. Just let him come in our bed until asleep then returned to his own bed if we wanted to 'cuddle'. He gradually grew out of it but did get in our bed a few months ago for a cuddle ( he is now 16). You will miss the cuddles when he is older- just let him sleep in your bed.

alphabettyspagghetti Tue 23-Aug-11 21:02:32

I would second a nightlight, or leave the door open halfway for now if you are not doing that already along with the milk.

Until you find a solution that works for him I hope you find one soon. Hang in there, it wont last for long with any luck.

Andrewofgg Tue 23-Aug-11 21:04:08

Not a nightlight. Show me a child who has a nightlight and I'll show you an adult who can't cope with the dark.

alphabettyspagghetti Tue 23-Aug-11 21:05:38

It was either a nightlight in his room or leaving the landing light on which kept us all awake.

I hate having the lights on, I cant sleep with them on.

ImperialBlether Tue 23-Aug-11 21:06:01

I think you should do all of the above put also look at your relationship with him. It's obviously important, or you wouldn't have mentioned it.

summertimeblews Tue 23-Aug-11 21:06:24

Not a nightlight. Show me a child who has a nightlight and I'll show you an adult who can't cope with the dark.


LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 23-Aug-11 21:06:35

I had a nightlight as a child and have no problem with the dark at all as an adult. Please don't generalise, it's not helpful.

Salmotrutta Tue 23-Aug-11 21:10:47

He gradually grew out of it but did get in our bed a few months ago for a cuddle ( he is now 16).

Crumbs - that would actually have bothered me if one of mine had done that.

But, then again that's me.

<awaits flaming>

StrawberryTot Tue 23-Aug-11 21:15:21

ImperialBlether it's a long story sad

Thanks for all the advice, just to let you know that he has a night light and the door is left open for him with landing light on, tried the warm bath and extra milk tonight to no avail as it's took me a while to respomd as he is currently going through episodes of screaming. I've dealt with night terrors before with my DD but this just seems like something else. I thought of trying the rearranging his bedroom so will do that tomorrow.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe the Alien Removal was serious business smile

kangers Tue 23-Aug-11 21:17:00

No flaming- I know it sounds well weird but it was actually really sweet- he just came in one morning for a 'warm'- we didn't cuddle him, just let him. That will be the last time I imagine. He is very well adjusted- just old habits die hard!!

Carrotsandcelery Tue 23-Aug-11 21:18:42

Is he watching any television? Our ds suffered from night terrors and the HV advised us to make sure he didn't watch any tv after early evening. It didn't solve the problem but it did improve things for us enormously.

We also steer clear of computer games in the evening so if there is an older child or a parent playing on a wii or xbox or anything then maybe they shouldn't in the evening until your ds is in bed.

Our ds also needs a night light.

A very clever mumsnetter also suggested a personal cd player with headphones. He can put on a story or relaxation cd if he wakes at night and it helps to soothe him back to sleep without us.

None of these solved the problem completely but they all helped reduce how often we were all disturbed during the night.

kangers Tue 23-Aug-11 21:18:46

Good luck Strawberry- just letting you know it will pass and he will sleep through. But don't beat yourself up if he is not following routine.

Salmotrutta Tue 23-Aug-11 21:19:32

I do sometimes wonder what goes through their wee minds at this age.

Re-living it all now with the grandkids - sounds like you are doing everything you can and there have been some good suggestions.

The Alien Patrol sounds like a great idea! smile

StrawberryTot Tue 23-Aug-11 21:21:41

ImperialBlether sorry i should let you know that i have had a lot of help in regards to my relationship with my DS, i just mentioned it as when something happens ie he has a tantrum in town etc i always blame it on the fact that i never loved him enough as a baby if i had maybe his behaviour would be different.

Andrewofgg Tue 23-Aug-11 21:21:43

As for nightlights I am going on experience with nephews/nieces. Obviously it will not always work that way and I don't suggest it.

Were DW and I the luckiest parents on earth? DS slept through at six weeks and after that we never had a peek out of him at night except when we woke him when he first went without a nappy to get him to go to the loo. And then he was back asleep in no time.

Getting him up in the mornings, that could be another issue, but you can't have everything!

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