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To tell my DS he can't change his mind

(38 Posts)
heathermumof3 Tue 23-Aug-11 19:49:55

My DS is turning 8 on Friday. He has said he wanted a new geared bike. I have told him that they are expensive (money is tight) and if he wants a bike then there will be nothing more.

Come today I told him we were going to get a bike. He then got upset and said he wants lots of little presents now. At the time he wanted to go to his friends house. I asked him a few times if he was sure and he said yes. I told him he could not changed his mind as time is running out and I had to go and get his presents now.

So I have come back from argos with lots of little presents like he wanted. He has not seen them. But my DS has now said he only said that he did not want a bike because he wanted to go to his friend.

AIBU to say tuff he made his decision earlier or should I take the presents back to the shop and get him bike tomorrow. I can not afford to get the presents and the bike.

Rowena8482 Tue 23-Aug-11 19:52:42

It's tough shit! He has to learn some time that some things cannot just be rearranged to suit his every wish, and this is one of them. I am a "mean mam" and if it ws one of mine and they then complained I'd take all the other presents away too. They'd get them eventually I think, as I would cave, but not straight away, and not until I was sure they'd got the point.

Red2011 Tue 23-Aug-11 19:54:09

Can you afford the bike for Christmas? As you say, having both bike and small presents would be too expensive. If he's anything like my 8 year old nephew he'll have forgotten about it all in a day or so anyway and will enjoy his present(s) regardless.

K999 Tue 23-Aug-11 19:56:08

Why did you tell him today what you were planning to get him?

niceguy2 Tue 23-Aug-11 19:56:43

Yep, another vote for tough here.

Takitezee Tue 23-Aug-11 20:00:06

YANBU. He can wait until Christmas now.

Takitezee Tue 23-Aug-11 20:01:04

K999 The OP said he asked for it. Whenever our dc have had new bikes we have always taken them to chose them.

heathermumof3 Tue 23-Aug-11 20:02:44

I have told him he might get one for Christmas or if I see a cheap 30 quider on eBay (used) I will might get one if the them in a month or so. I just feel tight.

I have 3 dc and I try to stick to the same budget for each of them. He is also having a party at the weekend which my 3 year old DS did not have. But that is because as he is not at nursery there is only 2 other children he plays with his age. So I took my DS (3) and his friend to the zoo.

But again my guilt is starting to play up that they are not getting treated the same.
I'm such a shit mum at times

shuffleballchange Tue 23-Aug-11 20:03:45

Bit of a harsh lesson at 8 IMO. I would take the presents back and get bike, after making completely sure with him and telling him that after tomorrow morning, no more swopsies.

shuffleballchange Tue 23-Aug-11 20:04:28

Oh and you are not a shit mum. Its hard.

heathermumof3 Tue 23-Aug-11 20:05:08

For a bike you have to take them. To make sure it fits him. As for saying tuff not tough I am sorry thank you for pointing out my grammar. I have dylexia and struggle to proof read.

Nagoo Tue 23-Aug-11 20:08:17

why do you think you are shit? You sound fine to me! Treating them equally doesn't mean treating them the same smile

I think YANBU to give him the little presents. And make him wait until christmas for the bike. I don't think big presents for no occasion is a good idea. <tight>

Nagoo Tue 23-Aug-11 20:09:48

No one pointed out your mistake, we just didn't repeat it.

OP are you ok?

Takitezee Tue 23-Aug-11 20:10:36

heathermumof3 You can't treat them exactly the same all the time, please don't feel guilty. Your three year old had a day out instead of a party, it's really not a problem.

Christmas will be here before you know, it's only four months away.

dexter73 Tue 23-Aug-11 20:11:11

I would take them back and get him the bike. It isn't such a big deal and he is only 8.

BlueArmyGirl Tue 23-Aug-11 20:11:29

I'd be tough tbh - but it's never really bothered me to be like that.

As far as your 8 yo goes, he had his chance and made his decision - how else is he going to learn if you keep giving in, life is not like that! Also, I wouldn't be inclinde to get him a chaep one earlier than xmas either - but it yes, but store it somewhere and give it at xmas (otherwise it's pretty much have your cake and eat it!)

As far as treating them both the same - don't sweat it. Over time it'll even itself out. Kids don't need he same things from their parents at the same ages or same time. And, at the end of the day if one wants something hat costs 30 quid and the other wants something that costs fifity and they're both over the moon with what they get what does it matter.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions Tue 23-Aug-11 20:13:44

Don't take the presents back, he made his choice and if he shows a mardy face then he gets nothing <disclaimer, my DS is only three, no idea if I could carry that through, but it's what my instincts say>

dexter73 Tue 23-Aug-11 20:14:19

Why can you never change your mind though? I do sometimes as I realise I have made a mistake. I don't see why taking the presents back and getting the bike instead is such a big deal.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions Tue 23-Aug-11 20:14:35

Remember if you return stuff onto a card it takes 3 days or so for the money to be refunded...

BeerTricksPotter Tue 23-Aug-11 20:15:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

heathermumof3 Tue 23-Aug-11 20:15:41

I think I just feel like shit today I have had a long day at work after no sleep and was looking forward to having 1 on 1 time with my DS choosing his bike. Then I picked lots of wounderful presents. But again I feel like I'm not good enough. Just on a bit of a downer tonight tiredness is probably why

Gonzo33 Tue 23-Aug-11 20:17:21

My ds is 10 and if he did that it would be tough luck. If you really want to get him a bike later make sure it is for Christmas not inbetween.

BlueArmyGirl Tue 23-Aug-11 20:18:28

Sorry I've had wine and clearly can't type or proof read!

SpamMarie Tue 23-Aug-11 20:20:11

I'd have to agree with most posters and say tough to the kid. You told him more than once that this was an 'either or' decision, and 8 is old enough to understand that. If you cave in now, he's at an age where he'll remember and learn and that's not a great precedent to set.

As for treating your kids equally, as long as you DS3 had a good time, it doesn't matter what you did. Plus he's 3; they don't care if they have a party or a day out or whatever at that age, as long as it's fun! Give yourself a break.

Nagoo Tue 23-Aug-11 20:20:35

Go and have a bath.

You've done fine smile

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