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Another mil one....was she unreasonable to announce my contraceptive choice to everyone?

(34 Posts)
Moulesfrites Tue 23-Aug-11 12:48:58

My ds is 7 mo. When he was about 10 weeks I was trying to decide what type of contraception to use. ,y mil used to be a nurse and I told her, in a private conversation that I was having the implant fitted.

Last week were were having lunch with pils, bil and sil, and another couple, friends of the family. The conversation came round to other bil, who wasn't there. He and his wife have had 2 unplanned babies in the space of a year, and people were joking about when they will have another one. Mil pipes up, "oh no, sil has has the implant fitted just like moules"!

Aibu to think this was bit off?

squeakytoy Tue 23-Aug-11 12:51:55

Sounds like you are trying to find a fault where there really isnt one. Why would it bother you?

usualsuspect Tue 23-Aug-11 12:52:26

Was it because it was your MIL that said it?

MILs can't say anything really can they ,without DILs taking offence

WeDONTneedanotherhero Tue 23-Aug-11 12:52:54

I fail to see the problem

LadyThumb Tue 23-Aug-11 12:52:58

Um, no. It was not said in any derogatory way, just in passing conversation. Don't suppose she even thought about it, tbh.

BaronessBomburst Tue 23-Aug-11 12:56:36

That's nurses for you. I come from a whole family of medical people, and bodies and anything to do with bodies is just work and has no meaning.

StrandedBear Tue 23-Aug-11 12:56:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeidiHole Tue 23-Aug-11 12:58:30

I'm sorry I agree that this seems OK to me confused

duckdodgers Tue 23-Aug-11 12:58:35

Whats the problem? People obviously know you've had sex at least once - evidence - your DS.

BarbarianMum Tue 23-Aug-11 12:58:48

YANBU to find this 'a bit off.' I consider this sort of info private and for me to share as I see fit.

If you'd said you were furious, utterly humiliated and never going to see her again, well that would be unreasonable.

Itsjustafleshwound Tue 23-Aug-11 12:59:39

But why does she know your contraceptive choice in the 1st place??

DilysPrice Tue 23-Aug-11 13:01:32

Not brilliant respect for your privacy, but not a huge deal either - forget it.

LydiaWickham Tue 23-Aug-11 13:02:21

YANBU - there are certain things that shouldn't be discussed over lunch.

creighton Tue 23-Aug-11 13:02:34

I don't think you are being unreasonable. This is personal information. She should think before she speaks. Medical people should not assume that as something means nothing to them, that it means nothing to other people. Why was she saying this in front of non family members?

AMumInScotland Tue 23-Aug-11 13:04:07

She probably assumed that if you were happy for her to know about it, then it was not a terribly private matter for you, and therefore "fair game" to mention in conversation with close friends and family. If you don't want things mentioned, I think it's better to say "I'm telling you about x but it's not something I am happy to have passed further" so she knows the position.

AuntieMonica Tue 23-Aug-11 13:05:11

so it was ok to sit around and discuss another couple's contraception/unplanned pregnancies but not your own contraception?


Itsjustafleshwound Tue 23-Aug-11 13:05:12

Sorry - re-read the OP. If you want things to stay private - don't say anything to anybody ....

Inertia Tue 23-Aug-11 13:11:20

Whole conversation sounds a bit off to me. Don't think I'd be that keen on anybody making jokes about us if I were part of the couple with the unplanned pregnancies either, there could be any number of issues there that they might not want to be made fun of.

I do think your MIL was, at the very least, thoughtless to discuss this issue so publicly when it's clearly a personal issue for you. And I'd have said something at the time- amiably, but along the lines of being sure that everyone there for lunch wouldn't want to know the ins and outs of my medical history.

MrsMilton Tue 23-Aug-11 13:11:53

I think some of you are being harsh. Who, seriously, expects that their contraception methods will be discussed, even in passing, over the dinner table?

Most people get that contraception is not really casual dinner table chat. I know what contraception several of my friends use, they have mentioned it, they didn't say specifically "Mrs Milton, this is top secret information so keep it to yourself" but I just kind of assume it's not something they want brought up in front of others. Not because it's a secret, just because it's really off to do that.

OP, YANBU. Even if she meant no malice, it was still indiscreet and thoughtless.

Journey Tue 23-Aug-11 13:21:56

Agree with MrsMilton

Rhinestone Tue 23-Aug-11 13:27:04

Rather shocked at all the people telling you they don't see the problem and MILs can't do anything right, blah blah.

I do see the problem; it was personal information and a private conversation and she was very wrong to just announce it like that. I would have been fucking furious so I think YANBU at all. Did you say anything to her? I think you should and obviously never tell her anything like that ever again.

LolaRennt Tue 23-Aug-11 13:28:09

Also agree with MrsMilton, especially if you asked her because of her previous role as a HCP. It also sounds like she just blurted it out as an accident though so wouldnt be too upset

diddl Tue 23-Aug-11 13:31:25

Can´t see the problem either.

If anything she was "showing off" that she knows such a thing about you.

I wouldn´t dream of telling my MIL about my contraception-not because she´d tell anyone, but because we don´t have that close a relationship and even if we did it´s not info that I wpuld share with her tbh.

2rebecca Tue 23-Aug-11 13:34:11

I think the "used to be" a nurse is the relevent bit. People no longer working in healthcare often forget the confidentiality stuff, and old people talk far more openly about their ailments and health stuff than younger ones and can forget about privacy, especially if you didn't specifically tell her not to gossip about you.
I think she was being u, but I would have said "that's the last time I have a confidential chat with you about health or contraception MIL" in a lighthearted manner that also makes it clear to her that I feel she is gossiping about things I consider personal.

gaaagh Tue 23-Aug-11 14:30:24

I am shock at the number of people who wouldn't mind people discussing their contraceptive choice in public.

I'm sure the OP's MIL didn't mean to discuss it maliciously, but I would still prefer this information not be discussed in public.

It's really none of the family's business what contraceptive choice someone is on, unless that person has raised it as a general topic of discussion and/or indicated explicitly that they don't mind it being made public.

It's out of order, IMHO, but I would let it slide since it was probably just her not thinking rather than any ill intent.

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