DP has announced that he is no longer going to call his family, invite them to anything or make any effort whatsoever. I feel that I should encourage him to maintain the link, although to be frank it's not really the end of the world if I never see them again.
His reasons are these:
- They are racist. FIL used the P-word in front of our DCs a few weeks ago, leading to DP asking them not to express these views if they wanted to see their grandchildren. His sister isn't racist, not in front of us anyway, but his brother's family (including teenage DD) often use questionable language.
- HE had an accident earlier this year and we needed help with kids as I had work/job interviews etc and he had hospital appointments. He had surgery and was on crutches. None of them came to see him and when he swallowed his pride and asked outright for his mum to come and look after the children for a day she said no.
- He has made a massive effort to take the children to see them once a fortnight and to see SIL once a fortnight over the last year (SAHD). PIL have been here twice, once at Christmas and once when DS was born. No-one came when DD was born, even when invited. This is probably because we live in East London and it makes them nervous.
- His brother and sister and their families have all gone on holiday together and not invited us. For the second year in a row. And not told us, leaving MIL to spill the beans.
He has never been that close to his brother, but he is close to his sister and he saw her the week before this holiday, so I know he is really hurt by this deception. Our DS is 4.5 and really loves his cousins and would have loved a holiday with them. (I would rather poke my own eyes out but I'd make the sacrifice for the kids....) DP doesn't want him to be hurt by seeing them occasionally and being rejected.
I just don't know if all of this is enough to break family ties. They aren't as toxic as some of the families I read about on here, but they do make him unhappy and I certainly don't want my children picking up on some of their attitudes.
Any thoughts?
Thank you.