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to approach this gossiping bint!

(48 Posts)
scuzy Tue 23-Aug-11 10:50:38

ok a bit of background ... i have a full time job and a partner and wonderful son. i do well in my job but since ds was 4 months i have suffered from pnd which turned into a more long term depression with relationship/family/financial problems. i went from 3 certified sick days last year to since february this year being off work for a few weeks on end. i can hide it sooo well. i am a bubbly fun loving person in work but when i get down i can barely get out of bed.

anyways am just back in work after being off a week as i am trying to wean down on strong tabs with doc's help and even though so far so good the withdrawals are awful and knock me for 6.

was in the cubicle loo earlier and heard two colleagues that i am pretty friendly with talking about me. saying what she out for, nothing wrong with her, she probably goes in "and flashes the boobs" or "turn on water works" to get certs. one said she thought i was pregnant at the beginning but would be showing more by now if i was. and not fair on the rest of them working day in and day out and me on certs still getting paid.

i have been with my gp for years and has been so understanding and i talk to him like a therapist and he offers the certs. i refuse to take as much time off as he offers but he is the one saying i need it and i'm no good to anyone else like my son if i dont mind myself and that i'm doing well just in a bad patch etc.

i waited in cubicle til they left but am so mad now. its none of their business. should i approach them? i can feel the tears pricking my eyes at my desk here with upset and anger.

Emo76 Tue 23-Aug-11 10:58:16

how awful for you to overhear that. If you feel strong enough, I would approach them and let them know what you heard (they should be ashamed of themselves) and, whilst I agree it is none of their business, set them straight on why you have been off work and say that you hope they never get this dreadful illness.

WilsonFrickett Tue 23-Aug-11 10:59:49

Do NOT approach them today if you are upset and teary. I wouldn't approach them I don't think, however that's your decision - but not right now. At least leave it until after lunch when you've had the chance to calm down. You sound too upset and I'd worry you'd cry, or shout or it just wouldn't go the way you want it to go, IYSWIM.

They sound like cahs though.

scuzy Tue 23-Aug-11 11:00:33

thanks emo but i have told no one only my direct supervisor so she understands all these sick certs. i dont want to tell people am private enough. but am mad that they feel they can judge me like that and be friendly to my face.


am getting madder. one just asked me if i was going on tea break. i said no. probably gone off bitchin about that now. grrrr!

ObiWan Tue 23-Aug-11 11:00:39

I wouldn't bother speaking to them about it.

It's a horrible thing, but there are always people who will behave like this, and I don't suppose being spoken to by you or their managers will end well. It will not alter their behaviour (they are not saying this to your face) and may cause an atmosphere.

Your best bet is to remember that these people have no place in you life outside of work. Their opinions don't matter any more that those of someone you pass in the street who might not like the skirt you're wearing.

Focus on yourself, your family, your life away from work, and leave them to their petty gossip.

Remember also that there is a tendancy for people to go along with whatever is being said to them at that moment. It is quite probable that when on their own, neither of these people really give you much thought. They are not bitching about you as a person, it's just another 'working here/now/at all is so crap' thing grin.

scuzy Tue 23-Aug-11 11:02:10

cheers wilson. am just keeping the head down here at me desk. god i need a fag. i'd be afriad i'd start crying too and make a complete ass of myself altogether. fuckin cheek of them ...."flash her tits turn on water works" ... grown women!!

InfinityButNotBeyond Tue 23-Aug-11 11:03:25

If you want to approach them I guess you have to share the details of your illness, which you may not want to. What you can do is work super conscientiously now and show that you ARE a team player.

I'll be honest, I've worked with various people who've had lots of time off sick for different reasons and in at least 1 or 2 of those cases I've been fairly sure the person is exaggerating their illness to get more time off. Trouble is, if you're the person covering for the one off sick it's very hard not to get resentful - particularly if the sick person appears to be perfectly well on their return to work.

scuzy Tue 23-Aug-11 11:04:25

i suppose obiwan ... sigh ... just am mad that this is bringing me down. i do my best to be so up beat in work. never come in wearing my heart/troubles on my sleeve. i guess that doesnt help my case though ... no wonder they think am faking to get certs. maybe i should be more miserable in work.

BoscoIsMyLover Tue 23-Aug-11 11:04:50

TBH, I wouldnt approach them. It only feeds the gossipers and they will have more to say.

I would approach my manager or HR for a meeting. Advise them that you are out for a reason, you have the Certs to verify it. Tell them that you have heard malicious gossip (anyone saying you received your certs due to flashing the doctor is sick) and you want it dealt with NOW!!! Take the high road, do it the right way. And remember, you know if you are sick, what anyone else says is irrelevant.

I have RA and I look fine.....but sometimes I have flares that debilitate me and leave me unable to get out of bed. In previous jobs that has been questioned by EVERYONE-most cannot believe its true because I am young. I pulled people up everytime. I am in a much more understanding job now (and the stress free environment has reduced my flares). Hidden illnesses such as RA, fibro, diabetes, depression, chronic pain, they need to be brought more to the fore...Just because you dont look sick doesnt mean you arent.

Dont cry, get yourself a cuppa and make of plan of action! Hope you feel better soon.

nickschick Tue 23-Aug-11 11:05:41

I think Id have coughed loudly and said Im in here too did you know - shall I flash my tits at you? grin.

Ignore them.

scuzy Tue 23-Aug-11 11:07:48

so should i tell everyone then so they dont think i am faking it? i'm sorry i understand that your saying infinity but should i sit them down (start with them so they can pass on the gossip) say i had a miscarriage, then my son, then my dp's health went downwards, then mine, my mum being ill and explain all other details??? just so they know am genuine and not taking the piss????

scuzy Tue 23-Aug-11 11:10:25

lol nickschick hing sight is a wonderful thing!

bosco fair play to you ... i dont know if i can make it all public. i shouldnt feel like this but i dont like telling people about it. not that i am ashamed but i beat myself up saying snap out of it then other days i feel a failure as a mum and partner.

ah i'm rambling now.

irony is only for their gossiping i'd be working away instead of asking you guys for advice on these bitches. may as well be off!!

scuzy Tue 23-Aug-11 11:10:39

meant hind not hing

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Tue 23-Aug-11 11:10:52

No don't do that, they sound like the types who wouldn't understand depression and would think you can just 'snap out of it' angry

I'd be tempted to just casually drop in little remarks within earshot "oh, off to the docs tonight, better make sure I've got my good bra on to flash my tits ahahaha" - you know, really make them squirm! Bitches.

BoscoIsMyLover Tue 23-Aug-11 11:11:06

I wouldnt, its not their concern.

If you are that concerned in what they say.Let your boss handle it. They are still going to talk no matter what you tell the, Why give them your personal info?

nickschick Tue 23-Aug-11 11:11:10

it is scuzy - sorry for pointing out the obvious.

scuzy Tue 23-Aug-11 11:13:50

lol nickschick didnt mean it like that meant i wish i had thought of that!! i always think of things that i should have said afterwards.

yeah i definetely dont want to explain myself to them and give them personal information i know that for sure.

guess i'll just have to suck it up and understand people will bitch about me cos i have been out sick.

scuzy Tue 23-Aug-11 11:14:42

oh sausages i'd love to say that .... only i havent the balls.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin Tue 23-Aug-11 11:18:52

Don't talk to them or tell them why you're getting the certs. Talk to your supervisor who does know, making sure that your confidentiality is maintained. If you have an HR department it could go through them. They should be called in individually and have their arses roasted for malicious gossip and a reminder of your company's conduct policy and a verbal warning. And it should not be made clear to them exactly who heard them or when/where. Get them paranoid grin

I hope you continue to get stronger. You can ask your GP if there's any way to minimise the side effects of coming off/reducing doseage of the tablets.

BoscoIsMyLover Tue 23-Aug-11 11:19:12

People will always bitch. I can understand people not being happy when I am out and they might need to cover my workload. But we are all grown-ups, I would rather someone approached me and spoke to me about it rather than find someone talking about me in the loo.

(Completely off the topic-my DS was christened years ago, we had a do for families after. I was in the loo and DP's five! sisters came in, didnt know I was there and ripped me to shreds, how they didnt like me, how fat I had become, mocking my limp-so I feel your pain. I still panic slightly when Im in a public loo and I hear a gaggle of girls come in!!)

creamola Tue 23-Aug-11 11:19:44

It's a horrible thing to go through but it unfortunately happens up and down the land in workplaces.

How horrible to overhear it though?

Did you consider either of them friends before hand?

Sound like your typical office bitches!!!

I wouldn't say anything or maybe tomorrow simply say something like 'you really should be more careful that the person you're gossiping about in the loo's isn't in the cubicle'

That should be enough to 'hopefully' make them feel a bit shite.

If they are hyper-bitches, it's likely any explanation offered will only be twisted and passed on as more juicy gossip as that is what these low-lifes fed on.

I hope you see them for what they are and don't let it upset you (although I know this is hard to do)

GetOrfMoiCarbsClaire Tue 23-Aug-11 11:20:13

Oh poor you. That must have been horrible to overhear.

I have no advice - actually I don't think there is anything you can do which won't make the situation worse tbh. Certainly don't explain yourself to the miserable cows. You have no need to justify yourself - your dr and your supervisor are OK with you.

Depression is a hideous delibitating illness. Just hope and pray that those miserable gossips have chronic piles or something.

I would LOVE you to say something to make them squirm and let them know you overheard, but I don't think that it is a good idea in reality. Just take the high road and at least you know they are two faced and not to be trusted.

And - if you are ever in the situation workwise to get them into enormous trouble, well, that would be karma.

Vengeance is a dish best served cold.

grumpykat25 Tue 23-Aug-11 11:20:52

THis isn't your problem to deal with. Arrange a meeting with your line manager and explain calmly, without mentioning names, what you heard. Perhaps time for an internal memo pointing out professionalism in the work place, gossip etc. Those concerned will know who it's aimed at. As for you, just carry on getting better and remember that you have a right to health and a right to seek it actively as you are. Don't let the f*&kers grind you down.

ShoutyHamster Tue 23-Aug-11 11:20:55

Don't approach them, but if it were me I would certainly meet with HR to report their comments - name them too.

That kind of nasty gossip should be stamped on wherever possible, hopefully your HR would make a point of calling them in and putting a rocket up them.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin Tue 23-Aug-11 11:21:07

Dosage blush. I have an issue with extra Es.

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