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'Well, he can't just get himself pregnant and go on benefits like you did'

(22 Posts)
RealityVonCrapp Tue 23-Aug-11 09:14:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ColdSancerre Tue 23-Aug-11 09:17:01

You know you aren't BU. Why didn't you just set her straight?

Huffythetantrumslayer Tue 23-Aug-11 09:19:17

Yanbu. What is it with mums? My mum seems to twist her memories of my life (and my sisters) into something that suits her. Eg (and nothing compared to what your mum said) she said to me "I'm so glad you didn't want to go to university as I couldn't afford it" er no mum I did want to go but knew wemcouldnt afford so therefore went into full time work instead. I've no advice except to ignore.

AnnieLobeseder Tue 23-Aug-11 09:19:52

Wow, what a spiteful thing for your mum to say. I don't blame you for being hurt by it.

PonceyMcPonce Tue 23-Aug-11 09:20:09

Wow, I am very impressed that you have confounded all scientific knowledge, solved fertility problems and got yourself pregnant!

You mum is being a mean bitch.

summertimeblews Tue 23-Aug-11 09:24:46

to be honest it sounds like you have a tendency to blame all and sundry for your choices smile

ChippingIn Tue 23-Aug-11 09:25:47

Reality sad

My Mum is prone to saying stuff that's just as incorrect. If I challenge her on it she gets all upset and refuses to believe what I'm saying. Often I let it go because it's just not that important, but something like this I would have to put her straight.

Don't let them all walk all over you my love.

ChippingIn Tue 23-Aug-11 09:27:42

summertimeblews - I think you must have posted on the wrong thread


Whatmeworry Tue 23-Aug-11 09:36:39

Yanbu being pissed off with Mum saying that.

Yabu about her being concerned about your brother.

As to men not being ablest get pregnant and claim benefits, why doesn't your Mum take it up with the Equality Commission, could keep her occupied for ages smile

bonkers20 Tue 23-Aug-11 09:36:52

That was not a nice thing for your Mum to say.
Having said that, this line from your post struck a chord with me:

"He got a C, D and U, totally his own fault for not working hard enough as he would agree."

You are upset that your Mum does not acknowledge that your teenage years were hard. Is the same perhaps true of your brother and that perhaps he'd really like some support from you (since your Mother isn't up to the job)?

reallytired Tue 23-Aug-11 09:39:59

I think your mum sounds toxic.

I feel sorry for your brother. Hopefully your example shows that its possible to triumph over adversity. Prehaps difficult circumstances made it hard for your brother to concentrate on his A-levels.

University is not the only route to a sucessful life. It is always possible to go later.

RealityVonCrapp Tue 23-Aug-11 10:28:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TimeWasting Tue 23-Aug-11 10:34:25

He'll probably be better off by not going to University these days, as long as your Mum doesn't baby him too much.

Glitterknickaz Tue 23-Aug-11 12:29:25

Personally I find that not expecting too much of people helps a lot. Yeah I know it's the pessimist in me but I know for eg that mum is never going to see some things my way so I don't expect her to do any different iygwim?

Sounds like this is a predictable action from your mum, so try looking at it as you know that's what she's going to say, you know she's completely wrong so [shrug]

Try not letting what she says matter to you..... does that make sense?

greengirl87 Tue 23-Aug-11 13:58:49

sounds abit like my mum! I always said i was going to uni, but ended up having my DD at 20, the year i was supposed to start uni. This did not deter me, and i told my family i would still go to uni, just when i felt ok putting my daughter into nursery. Two years later i was at uni. When i called my mum to tell her i was accepted and going to uni she said ' everyones suprised because no one thought you could do it' thanks mum, very supportive!

aliceliddell Tue 23-Aug-11 14:05:46

Got yourself pregnant? Surely there's a career for you just telling how you managed that all on your own?

MugglesandLuna Tue 23-Aug-11 14:09:59


Do you think she feels guilty that she didnt support you more, so she has this story in her head so you are the one to blame, not her?

kickassangel Tue 23-Aug-11 14:10:51

what is it about mums who somehow can't be pleased for us?

I got a new job once, teaching 'A' levels for the first time. My mother's comment - Are you up to it?

Loads more like that.

She's just jealous (min & yours) - my mum would have loved to go to uni & have a career, but wasn't allowed to go, cos she was a woman. So she's v happy, but jealous, of what my sister & I did do.

Fluffycloudland77 Tue 23-Aug-11 14:13:56

Your brother sounds like the favourite child to me, he will never be in the wrong.

However it hasnt done him any favours by the sound of it and his future partner will suffer also as they will never be good enough for him.

I work with elderly people in nursing homes, its always the golden child who never visits while the other kids visit weekly, arrange hosp visits, label all the clothes etc.

BornSicky Tue 23-Aug-11 14:15:18

i was a lazy git at college too. did me all manner of good not get into uni the first time i applied. i wasn't ready for it and didn't really know what i wanted. took a few years, went travelling and worked, then went to uni and did bloody well, because i actually cared about what i was doing there.

sounds like your mum's just flipped out and lashed out at you. bloody hurtful and unfair.

i really hope she apologises. yanbu to feel stung by it, and i hope it was just an off-the-cuff and stupid comment.

seasidesister Tue 23-Aug-11 14:18:34

Rise above it. She is being a bitch. You know its not true and through your own sheer hard work have moved on so disengage and smile

stripeybump Tue 23-Aug-11 14:25:29

It's really hard... even when you know you've done really well and are happy with the choices you made in difficult circs, we are hard-wired to want appreciation from our parents. You have to 'let go' a bit and consciously push your fingernails into your hand or something when she does it. She's not disappointed in you, she's proud of how you have coped but perhaps disappointed that your life hasn't panned out how she would have wanted it to. Well tough cookies Reality's mum - she's not your little girl any more, and you're going to push her away with stupid comments like that which you don't even mean.

<and breathe>

<possibly some projection on my part here blush >

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