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would this xwife stunt irritate you?

(30 Posts)
bakeyouhappy Tue 23-Aug-11 05:26:24

Dh owns his own business. We have been married for 6 years. Xwife calls today and says she has applied for a job (previously unemployed) and she has put him down as a reference. She wrote that she has been a manager at his company for the last ten years and her reason for leaving is that they are recently divorced. She wants him to lie. My head is spinning. This surely is not ok. Or aibu because I just hate her?

catsmother Tue 23-Aug-11 05:36:34

Of course it's not okay. DH can't be expected to lie for her - it's ridiculous, and, if found out, she'd be sacked from her new job anyway. Not sure what the legal implications for him would be for producing a false reference but I sure as hell wouldn't want to risk any trouble. If the new company does ever contact him, he needs to reply that they are mistaken and that Ms X has never worked for him. Tough if she then loses out - that's what comes of lying.

MrsVidic Tue 23-Aug-11 05:38:37

She may have had a part in his company I.e perhaps he regularly asked her for advice/ help etc. Did she make decisions when he couldn't? If not then she is being cheeky and he should refuse, of she did then he should give her a true reference reflecting that. Did his career prevent her from working?

bakeyouhappy Tue 23-Aug-11 05:55:28

She had worked with him in the past, before they divorced, but he started this company after they went their separate ways. She likes to blame him for everything, and this in not unusual behavior for her. I really feel like I might be off sometimes because I get so irritated.

Shanghaidiva Tue 23-Aug-11 05:59:36

You are not being unreasonable, she is. I would not lie for her.

DuelingFanjo Tue 23-Aug-11 06:22:24

Is he going to do it?

gailpottertilsleyplatt Tue 23-Aug-11 06:36:11

Plenty of people fib on their CV.

Not me obviously blush

gailpottertilsleyplatt Tue 23-Aug-11 06:37:31

Meant to add, I think your DH could be on dodgy legal ground if he provides a dishonest reference for her.

bakeyouhappy Tue 23-Aug-11 16:30:18

I didn't think about the legal aspect... Good point. Afaik dh is going to lie, just because he doesn't want to deal with her reaction if he says no.

HopeEternal Tue 23-Aug-11 16:38:18

bakeyouhappy, you might want to repost this in the Employment section and ask about the potential legal liability of providing a false reference.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/employment_issues

picnicbasketcase Tue 23-Aug-11 16:43:00

It would do more than irritate me - I would be mad as hell. She's trying to involve him in deeply underhand and possibly illegal activity - he needs to tell her to go and whistle up a lamp post.

bakeyouhappy Tue 23-Aug-11 16:45:28

Thanks hope, I am in the US but I will warn dh of the possibility of legal liability. I was just on to have a rant.

squeakytoy Tue 23-Aug-11 16:45:59

If it would mean his kids are able to benefit from their mother getting a wage, then it really wouldnt bother me.

bakeyouhappy Tue 23-Aug-11 16:48:02

Thank you picnic! That's what I needed to hear!

bakeyouhappy Tue 23-Aug-11 16:48:03

Thank you picnic! That's what I needed to hear!

HeifferunderConstruction Tue 23-Aug-11 16:48:27

Shes asking him to lie so even if you didnt 'hate her' it would still be innapropriate.

isn't it innapropriate to have an ex partner as a reference??

MyRealName Tue 23-Aug-11 16:50:39

He shouldn't lie for her. You say it's not unusual behaviour for her, by which I take it to mean she takes advantage of him and he lets her, for a quiet life? I think it's a bit rude to put someone down as a reference, apply for the job and THEN tell them about it, let alone the fact that she is lying on her application. She is obviously used to him pandering to her, and is confident he will not drop her in it. He really shoud tell her that he will not lie for her and give her a chance to amend her CV.

On the other hand, if you hate her and she enjoys taking the piss, try not to get too involved. It will only wind you up, and she sounds like she will probably enjoy it.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 23-Aug-11 16:51:37

Is he happy to possibly be sued for shedloads of money? Cos that's what he is leaving himself open to if he provides a false reference.

CustardCake Tue 23-Aug-11 16:58:44

Apart from anything, if he says he's employed her for 10 years, there may be questions raised about how she was paid and tax liabilities. If he puts in writing that she was an employee but never declared this before, it may come back to bite him in terms of financial penalties.

Then, if it turns out she is unsuitable, steals from the new company or anything else that gets her disciplined or sacked, the new company is likely to ask him more detailed questions at which point he's going to have to do a lot more lying or come clean and probably get sued!

Snowgirl1 Tue 23-Aug-11 17:01:51

If a misleading, careless or FALSE reference is provided and the xwife's new employer gives her the job on the basis of the reference and as a result new employer suffers a loss (ie. if xwife is crap at new job and results in her employer losing money), her new employer would be entitled to take action against the person who wrote the reference for providing a fraudulent or negligent misstatement. Obviously, xwife's new employer would have to find out that a false reference had been given - but sometimes these things do come to light, even years later.

Different circumstances, but in this case, the person got found out 6 years later: menmedia.co.uk/manchestereveningnews/news/s/1405946_council_care_worker_used_a_false_reference_to_land_her_job_

LadyBeagleEyes Tue 23-Aug-11 17:13:42

If she had worked with hin before the divorce then can't he just write her a reference for that time?

DogsBestFriend Tue 23-Aug-11 17:44:45

It wouldn't irritate me in the least. Why should it? How does it affect you? confused

Whether I'd privately sympathise with what she's doing or not depends on whether she's purely seeking self-advancement or whether she needs the job because she has children to feed, frankly. However, I'd consider it none of my business on the grounds that the request would impact upon my life not a jot.

DogsBestFriend Tue 23-Aug-11 17:45:19

God, that's a lot of "whethers"! Sorry! blush

SouthernFriedTofu Tue 23-Aug-11 17:46:16

no no no nonon nononononononn nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Please convince him that risking his reputatoin would be fucking stupid. And that most companies rely on outside companies to check their resume. SO they will send info directly to his bank's HR de[t and then your husband will be truly fucked because he lied.

CustardCake Tue 23-Aug-11 17:48:45

That's nonsense DogsBest Friend: if her husaband gets done by the tax man for employing someone cash in hand (there are no records showing the exW salary for 10 years and yet he'll say that he did employ her therefore the tax peopel will assume he must have been paying her without declaring it properly)

Or except if they lose their house settling a law suit when she costs her new company a shed load of money through being incapable of doing the things they expect she should be able to given her fake career history and excellent reference

I am guessing her DH losing money or his company might all impact on the OP quite a lot.

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