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to feel so helpless

(16 Posts)
toody Mon 22-Aug-11 23:33:33

sorry know there is probably better thread but hoped this would get more people, i need advise on best way to help dd. She has just gone back on antidepressants i know this will help her but they wont kick in for few weeks she has some paranoia doc says this is normal when depressed she is worried someone will hurt her (no one in particular) and what will happen to her ds then. I reassure her tell her to talk whenever she wants which she does. She worries about going out which i am encouraging her to do going to take her and collect her after night out, worries someone will get her when gets out of car to walk to house so i meet her on drive. I told her i will carry on doing these things until she tells me no need to do it. Reassured her its not her fault just one of those things that happens to some people. Should i be doing any thing differently or any more i could do?

NorfolkBroad Tue 23-Aug-11 00:08:51

It sounds to me like you are being really supportive, caring and lovely. I don't have any specific advice (I did suffer from PND so have a little bit of an understanding but fortunately for me not as severly as your dd) but I can't imagine what more you can do. If she is feeling insecure then you are trying as hard as you can to make her feel safe. It is indeed one of those things that happens to people and it can sometimes come seemingly out of the blue. Poor thing. Sending you both hugs.

toody Tue 23-Aug-11 00:10:55

thank you

Cathycomehome Tue 23-Aug-11 00:28:14

Well - I have no advice either, but you sound as if you are a very supportive mum, and I hope your daughter gets the professional help she needs to recover. Lots of people do - don't despair.

Birdsgottafly Tue 23-Aug-11 00:31:44

Go back to the GP, your DD would benefit from Cognetive Behavoural Therapy, CBT. This is being widely supplied on the NHS because in the long run it is cheaper than AD's and works. She and you possibly would benefit from getting in touch with MIND or a similar local MH charity/support group.

toody Tue 23-Aug-11 00:32:26

Thank you i know she will recover because she is determined and doing everything she can,she realised herself that she needed to see doc and is making herself do things that make her uncomfortable like going out. I guess i just needed to talk to others for my own reassurance.

Birdsgottafly Tue 23-Aug-11 00:34:13

Just to add what you are describing is slightly more than the usual paranoia that comes with mild depression and it needs addressing now. The GP should have discussed this with you considering your DD has a dependant DC, who i take is only very young.

snippywoo2 Tue 23-Aug-11 00:40:46

so she can 'go for a night out' but worries about the going there and getting back? What does she inbetween who looks after her then how does she cope with being out?

snippywoo2 Tue 23-Aug-11 00:41:41


izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 23-Aug-11 00:55:05

Depending on what area your dd lives in, there is a likely to be a long waiting list for therapy and before any decision is made as to whether she will benefit from CBT (which does not work for everyone). she will need to be properly asssessed to ascertain which form of therapy will be most beneficial to her.

You say that your dd has 'gone back' on ADs. How long is it since she previously took ADs and has anything happened recently that could explain her current state of mind?

How old is your dgs and do you care for him while your dd is out? Is your dd a single parent or does she have a supportive dh/dp living with her?

toody Tue 23-Aug-11 00:57:38

She hasn't been yet but is planning/hoping to go out this weekend in her words "it would be easier to sit at home so i think i have got to make an effort to go out" I agree with her but obviously until she goes out she doesn't know what will happen.
The doc has not discussed with me she saw him alone her choice, myself,dh and ds jointly own house so she is well supported with her ds. She is doing well in that she is carrying on working, self employed works from home, I teach so am off at moment so we have been going on day trips as often as possible and she says she has been ok apart from today when she didn't want to go but made herself and felt "low" all day but has only been on tabs. for 4 days. She behaves no differently around ds so he is unaware. She suffered pnd, which re-occured 6mths after stopping tabs and this time it has been about 6mths again since she stopped taking tabs. the doc says this is not unusual needs to take tabs for longer period.

toody Tue 23-Aug-11 01:01:42

She is single mum, split with dp (not ds dad) this weekend but obviously been depressed for some time took her long time to realise there was a problem not just feelin "low"

Birdsgottafly Tue 23-Aug-11 01:03:47

It sounds as though she is well aware of what she needs to do and is willing to try to go out, even though she is feeling nervous. You are supporting her as well as you can, by going with her and encouraging her to go out alone. It is better to kepp a balance of her not staying in but taking it at a pace that she feels comfortable with.

The GP is right in his advice about the AD's needing time to kick in, you don't want to overwhelm her.

toody Tue 23-Aug-11 01:09:25

Thank you all, as mums i'm sure you are aware how awful it is when your child no matter how old is hurting and you can't kiss it better.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 23-Aug-11 01:48:00

It sounds as if your dd's doc has got it spot on.

It's particularly encouraging that your dd is getting out and about with you. When we are feeling depressed it's so easy to retreat into ourselves and all credit to your dd for making, what I'm sure is on occasion, a superhuman effort to carry on 'as normal' and interact with those around her.

Also, all credit to you for 'being there' and supporting your dd throughout; once the ADs kick in again, her mood will lift although, of course, she may be have some ongoing or unresolved issues inherent in her recent split from her dp.

Please tell her to take it easy on herself; going out with you is one thing, but forcing herself to go out alone because she feels she 'has to' may not be in her best interests - although, of course, there's always the possibility that it will do her the world of good!

You may not be able to kiss this particular ailment better, but you can still give your dd lots of cuddles and reassurance that things will improve for her.

toody Tue 23-Aug-11 21:09:09

Thanks Izzy for your lovely comments.

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