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I'm sorry but...

(47 Posts)

AIBU to really loathe, dislike and despise "I'm sorry but..."? If you are sorry drop the but, and just say you're sorry, don't excuse your behaviour because then you're not apologising you're just being a twat.

AIBU?

ChumleeIsMyHomeboy Mon 22-Aug-11 20:12:08

I'm not being funny but...........

grin

LineRunner Mon 22-Aug-11 20:12:37

YANBU. I won't let my DC use this expression. <pompous emoticon>

LeBJOF Mon 22-Aug-11 20:12:40

In the context of what?

squeakytoy Mon 22-Aug-11 20:12:40

No offence but...

Bestb411pm Mon 22-Aug-11 20:12:46

I don't mean to be rude but.....

LeBJOF Mon 22-Aug-11 20:13:04

With respect...

RealityVonCrapp Mon 22-Aug-11 20:13:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Illegitimate Mon 22-Aug-11 20:13:30

yanbu
I'm not racist but.......

is another

No context that i really want to discuss on here but my blood is boiling with the non-apology apology i've just received. "I'm sorry but have a stream of piss poor woe is me excuses for why i've been a total and utter cunt none of which are excusable but i thought i'd try it on anyway because really i'm not sorry" type apology.

grin

And smile and find a happy place grin

Pagwatch Mon 22-Aug-11 20:16:29

Oooh out of all of those the only one I think is ok is 'i'm sorry but...'
Because sometimes I am sorry but the thing needs to be said.

Whereas 'i don't want to be mean but...' means the opposite.
As does 'i don't mean to be rude but...'

Ditto all the others

LunaticFringe Mon 22-Aug-11 20:19:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oakmaiden Mon 22-Aug-11 20:21:26

I disagree. When used correctly it shows the speakers ambivalence.

For example. I need to tell you that you smell disgusting. I don't want to have to tell you - it is rude and will upset you, but I feel that it is necessary as you are clearly unaware of it, and I know that other people avoid you and talk about you behind your back. If you know about the problem you can do something about it.

I'm not just going to say - "I have to tell you this - you smell". It is much more likely that I am going to telegraph my unease with what I am going to have to say to you by starting with "I am sorry, but I need to tell you..." or "I don't want to be rude, but I think you need to know...".

Oakmaiden Mon 22-Aug-11 20:22:11

Darn - missed an apostrophe "speaker's ambivalence" obviously.

FriggFRIGG Mon 22-Aug-11 20:22:19

im not rasist but...
im not sexist but...

Arrrgggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Lambethlil Mon 22-Aug-11 20:22:27

I'm not being funny, but...

AAGGHH

aldiwhore Mon 22-Aug-11 20:22:41

I don't wish to be rude but, with respect, I don't mind it. Sometimes I aplogise for the way I've acted however (but) I'm also justifying/explaining my reaction because the other person was a twat first. So nerr.

I think 'with respect' and 'I'm not being funny but' etc are annoying but also valid sometimes.

FabbyChic Mon 22-Aug-11 20:22:59

I do this, but...

biddysmama Mon 22-Aug-11 20:25:20

i was shock at a dinner lady at the last school i worked at (sahm now) who said "im not racist but... this country would be alot better if they all went back..."

But you're not sorry/apologetic in that instance you're just adhering to British social norms that means we have to be unduly deferential to a person we're about to insult.

If you're telling a person they smell surely "I'm telling you for your own best interests (and that of my nasal passage) that you need to readdress your personal hygeine standards and can recommend x y z" no need for the faux-pology.

Oakmaiden Mon 22-Aug-11 20:26:47

aldi - that works too. I am sorry that you are upset about what I did, BUT I think I was right in doing it. I didn't do it with the intention of upsetting you though.

But if you're explaining your behaviour you're defending it and therefore not really meaning your apology. If you're apologising for your behaviour/words/actions surely they can no longer be defended?

Oakmaiden Mon 22-Aug-11 20:27:51

general Custard - but yes, I would be sorry that I was a. the one having to tell them and b. having to say something that I knew would hurt their feelings.

youarekidding Mon 22-Aug-11 20:28:13

I hate to inform you that ...................

LolaRennt Mon 22-Aug-11 20:29:04

"I'm sorry but you're being a dick."

Favourite phrase of mine actually. Nowt wrong with it!

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