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to feel a bit gutted about 'bil' getting married

(51 Posts)
momobiker Mon 22-Aug-11 14:12:31

Dp's brother has proposed to his girlfriend.

I am unreasonably upset with dp. He is over the moon for his brother, yet we are more stable, been together longer etc etc.

I feel like a sulking teenager. I want to be asked!!!

summertimeblews Mon 22-Aug-11 14:13:01

why dont you ask

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld Mon 22-Aug-11 14:13:12

Why not ask him?

JanMorrow Mon 22-Aug-11 14:13:56

Aww. It's only natural if you're already hankering after getting married! Have you dropped hints/had discussions? Why don't you ask HIM?

MardyBra Mon 22-Aug-11 14:14:05

I thought this was going to be a thread about you fancying your BIL and being jealous of him being with another woman. Flaming aborted.

MadamDeathstare Mon 22-Aug-11 14:15:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

momobiker Mon 22-Aug-11 14:15:27

I am too traditional to ask! I want to be asked by dp. We have discussed it and we do both want it. I just want to know it’s definitely going to happen. I am just being a baby probably

eurochick Mon 22-Aug-11 14:16:27

I feel your pain. I had been with my OH for 4 or 5 years when his brother met someone and married her less than a year after they met. I found the wedding quite difficult, tbh.

He did ask. Eventually.

eurochick Mon 22-Aug-11 14:17:52

I didn't want to ask either because I felt like I had taken the initiative enough. I'd proposed us moving in together and bought a house for us to live in because he didn't like my flat. Putting a ring on my finger was his job.

TimothyClaypoleLover Mon 22-Aug-11 14:18:30

I had to wait 13 years to be asked and would have been longer had I not prompted him!

Insomnia11 Mon 22-Aug-11 14:19:15

I bet he will ask within a year. After our wedding several close friends were married within 2 years. Just saying.

My friend who caught the bouquet was engaged within a month of the wedding. I think it prompted her other half to ask her!

AfternoonDelight Mon 22-Aug-11 14:20:03

I waited 5 years to be asked, apparently he would have asked sooner but he wanted it to be a surprise and every time I hinted at it he'd abandon plans until I forgot about it!

MajorB Mon 22-Aug-11 14:21:52

Get yourself a black leotard, some very high heels & a really loud stereo, then when he comes home from work do the Beyonce "if you like it then you should have put a ring on it" dance, repeatedly, and don't stop until he asks you (or sends for the men in white coats).
Job done.

Ephiny Mon 22-Aug-11 14:22:33

If you've discussed it and you both said you wanted to get married, then what is there to 'ask'? Surely a proposal would be a bit redundant now! All you need to do is sort out the exact date and start making arrangements, surely? I don't think it's untraditional for you to mention that.

momobiker Mon 22-Aug-11 14:24:19

MajorB I LOVE this idea!

Ephiny Mon 22-Aug-11 14:25:56

Or alternatively go with MajorB's idea! grin

MugglesandLuna Mon 22-Aug-11 14:26:33

My DH 'Didnt want to get married'. He was Best Man at his BF wedding and we were married within a year.

Tanif Mon 22-Aug-11 14:27:05

My DP is the same. I keep telling him I want a ring. He keeps asking questions like 'would you like me to choose one for you, or do you want to choose it', my mother has threatened to go after him with a shotgun for not marrying me after knocking me up... and yet, no ring.

I just want to be able to say 'my fiance' when I have my antenatal appointments, as I feel like some kind of strumpet just saying 'boyfriend'!

MorallyBankrupt Mon 22-Aug-11 14:27:38

MajorB I'm laughing so hard I think I may, quite possibly, wet myself blush

MajorB Mon 22-Aug-11 14:29:36

momobiker just make sure you film yourself in action, put it on you tube and give us MNers a link to watch grin

Insomnia11 Mon 22-Aug-11 14:30:19

We talked about getting married after a few dates - though as I was only 23 I said I'd like to leave it a few years, and moved in together after only a few months. Still, I wanted to be properly proposed to in the traditional way. At about 27 I started dropping hints smile

Was watching Don't Tell the Bride last night and thinking, though I did organise most of the wedding, how that show wouldn't have worked with us as he is so thoughtful and often better than me at choosing things that suit me, there would be no controversy/drama whatsoever!

momobiker Mon 22-Aug-11 14:32:52

MajorB too fat to ACTUALLY do it!

TobyLeWolef Mon 22-Aug-11 14:34:21

Brilliant ideas, ladies. Force him into asking you. Win!

I had been with my DP for 7 years and engaged for 6..I just went to the church and booked the date and then came home and told him when we were getting married...that was 13 years ago and if I hadnt I am sure he would still be my DP rather than DH!

Dozer Mon 22-Aug-11 14:39:21

YANBU. But now that BIL is getting married, DP may not want to propose for a while for the fear of being seen to "take the shine off" the other wedding!

Was in similar situation with my DH, ie wanting to get married but he didn't, cos he "wasn't ready" blah blah. After he finally proposed, on holiday, it transpired that he had discussed it with his brother and they decided to both propose at the same time so that "neither engagement would have the shine taken off" and neither partner (who hadn't yet been asked) would feel aggrieved.

It still makes me angry now, a long time afterwards! Felt awful to have just got engaged and then immediately find out that it had been co-ordinated, and that DH had waited for 6 months after deciding to propose to do so (despite knowing my keenness to get married and that I was quite upset about the issue). Made it worse that I couldn't be honest about my feelings as would come across as churlish and mean to the other couple.

Men can be weird about stuff like this. Or maybe just mine and his brother! And father - FIL had no compunction about publicly announcing his engagement (to a partner of many years that no-one liked) at a big neighbourhood party 2 weeks before BIL and SIL's wedding, and making a similarly public setting-the-date announcement a few weeks before ours. Cue dragging up lots of painful family history and DH and BIL both being stressed-out-groom-zillas in the run-up to their weddings.

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