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AIBU?

To be really suspicious of this man/future date

68 replies

wrongweek · 22/08/2011 07:57

We met online and chatted via email, he quickly asked for my facebook and skype and we started shatting on that. Within days he de registered on the dating site.
We were swapping texts all day and he seemed like a nice guy.
We set a date, last monday.
He was away last weekend and i was busy, but he seemed to just vanish and no firm plans had been made, but i was still getting random texts from him, to which i would reply and then he wouldnt reply. I think thats odd.
We spoke via skype on the monday, the day we were meant to be meeting and he said nothing of it at all. I said i wsa busy and left.
About an hour later a got atext saying he was sorry, he thought i didnt like him and had got depressed. He said he has bi polar and is a recovered from a eating disorder.
I tried to re assure him i did like him and that i was interested but didnt seem to get anywhere.

I just think its too much hard work before we have even met.

Then, i get texts at odd times, always before 6am and then all day, and then nothing in the evening till gone 11:30. Or he texts to say hes tired and going to bed and then i see on his facebook wall ( added at his request) that hes talking to people at 1am!!

Something doesnt add up for me, i feel really suspicious, but that is the general stance i take when it comes to men anyway.
SO - AIBU to have doubts, should i give him a chance?

OP posts:

Report

wrongweek · 22/08/2011 07:58

oh goodness, i meant chatting, not shatting. what a typo to make!

OP posts:

KristinaM · 22/08/2011 07:59

Your instincts are right. Walk away. Now

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 22/08/2011 08:01

I wouldn't.

It's supposed to be fun, and light, and enjoyable and exciting, this dating lark.

You haven't even met him yet and it's already hassle. I'd just move on.

kendalmintcake · 22/08/2011 08:04

give him a chance? No. Life is too short

purplepidjin · 22/08/2011 08:08

MH issues are not an excuse for lying (the fb thing) or bad behaviour (texting at 6:30am? Who does that?!)

I would be seriously wondering why he can't wait a couple of hours to text you at something vaguely approaching a reasonable time. The obvious explanation is that he doesn't want his wife to see...

HauntedLittleLunatic · 22/08/2011 08:08

First thing I would ask myself is what OS preventing him texting you between tea-time and 11:30.....his dw?

marriedinwhite · 22/08/2011 08:14

Join an evening class, a political party, a reading group, a sports club and meet someone in real life that you can weigh up, that people you know know something about. That way you will at least be building yourself a social life and learning new skills that make you more interesting to and into greater contact with men in real life and if you don't meet one you will be enjoying yourself any way. Give this chap a wide berth and change your number if you need to.

Vicky2011 · 22/08/2011 08:15

Avoid like the plague.

You have nothing invested in this at this early stage, so really, just walk away.

Mitmoo · 22/08/2011 08:18

Alert Alert: Married Man radar just gone off.

Callisto · 22/08/2011 08:19

Blimey - he sounds like a train-crash waiting to happen. And I'm sure I'm very shallow. but an eating disorder and bi-polar depression would have me running for the hills. So, no OP you are definitely not being U to have your doubts.

Mitmoo · 22/08/2011 08:25

Callisto, I hope you are one of the clique, because if I had typed that they'd be all over me for being disablist. If you're not in the clique, I'd run for the hills now. (Mit has trouble keeping up with peripheries of cliques).

Callisto · 22/08/2011 08:36

No, definitely not in any clique. I am wearing a flame proof suit though.

gorionine · 22/08/2011 08:36

IME, if you do not really know someone, always best/safer to go with your instinct.

Mitmoo · 22/08/2011 08:37

LOL You are so going to need that one - do you need my crash helmet and shoulder pads?

bigTillyMint · 22/08/2011 08:44

It may sound harsh, but I would leave well alone. Go with your gut instinct and move on. There's plenty more fish in the sea

sherbetpips · 22/08/2011 08:45

Steer well clear, don't make the fatal mistake of thinking you can fix him.

BelleDameSansMerci · 22/08/2011 08:48

Absolutely agree that it sounds as if he's married or in a relationship... Even if he isn't, my advice would be "run, run like the wind". If it's hard work now, it'll be a nightmare in three months' time.

pineapple70 · 22/08/2011 08:56

Waaay too much hassle before anything has happened. Run for the hills!
and.... what or who's the clique?

GloriaVanderbilt · 22/08/2011 09:06

He sounds like he has some severe self esteem issues and is messing you about in some kind of game/ritual because he's terrified of commitment - not major commitment, even, just the thought of meeting up.

In short it's all about him and he is flaky as heck. Block him from everything and move on. NOW

MadameOvary · 22/08/2011 09:07

You are pretty much describing the start of my relationship with my toxic ex. ESPECIALLY the bit about worrying that you dont like him, and the Mental health issues.
I am the last person to slag off someone with MH - but when they start using it (or anything else really) as an excuse for flaky behaviour this early on it signals a chronic lack of ability to take responsibility for anything.
Someone who is seriously addressing their MH issues will take time to discuss it as a seperate issue, not drop it in to justify their erratic behaviour. You really dont need someone who celebrates their victim status as you will be expected to rescue them and/or join in the drama.

Not worth it. Walk away. Actually dont walk, run.

sausagesandmarmelade · 22/08/2011 09:12

I would stop wasting time texting and chatting to this idiot....
This is going no-where.

You deserve much more than this....

FreudianSlipper · 22/08/2011 09:25

trust your instincts and do not bother with him anymore reply to none of his texts/emails he will only justify his actions. luckily you have not got involved so no emotions wasted on him

i am guessing he is married or in a relationship this is why they calls are random and at odd times, when he can get a moment to himself, on way to work etc

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wrongweek · 22/08/2011 09:27

Thats what i thought, the MH problems are bothering me, i wish that wasnt the case, but it is.
I dont have enough time, nor engery to give to someone like that. Ive enough to do dealing with myself and child.

The early morning, late night texts are also weird, and i dont understand, there could be a perfectly acceptable reason, and i do wonder if hes working a second job? His mother posted on his facebook wall saying to take care and not work too hard, but two days earlier he told me he didnt talk to his parents and hadnt spoken to his mother in years.

Ah, why am i even thinking if im BU, quite clearly hes lying, about a lot of things.

OP posts:

NorfolkBroad · 22/08/2011 09:29

Leave well alone. DONT let curiosity get the better of you!

FreudianSlipper · 22/08/2011 09:42

stop looking for reasons there is nothing weird going on as there is nothing going on this is not about self esteem issues or fear of commitment, you have not even met yet so how can he fear anything he is lying and playing you it is as simple as that do not waste anymore time you are worth more

if a friend was telling you this what would you think, move on he is not that interested probably becasue there is someone else

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